Congratulations...

Congratulations...

Type	No Effect
Number	096
Reporter	Athane Runter
Previous	Sinners Dinners
Next	CIS Bulletin

Congratulations... is a News Bulletin by Athane Runter. It was published to the Commerce and Communications Network in 2790 and selected by the News Dicing system for Lev Arris. The bulletin does not denote any changes in commodity prices.

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Congratulations... Athane Runter reports Are in order for Ser Vester Ilson of Krabbis, Hermes. He's just won the Isaac system annual lottery, netting an incredible 789,000,000 credits, which instantly catapults him to the 5th richest man in the system. Former Invoice Clerk Ilson seemed to be taking the news calmly. 'It won't change me', he said yesterday, as he hugged two cast members from hit VidShow 'Starbabes'. Yeah, Vester, whatever.

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Privateer 2: The Darkening

v t e Privateer 2: The Darkening News Bulletins
Upgrades	Blood and ion Civilian version of Freij Craft released Energize Captain Fatbink reveal their latest shield system Improved afterburner available New 'virus weapon' worries police New decoy proves a success The missile that won't miss
Random Planets	[planet] authorities announce housing project [planet] in toxin turmoil Altairian Rindpest hits [planet] Black market fears as police cuts are announced CIS net big brain bust CIS unveil plans for new departmental building Cargo crash causes contamination Construction strike generates materials surplus Contamination hits synthetic foodstuffs Drought hits [planet] hard Flower show ends on a high Global warming fears on [planet] Gnuflies plague [planet] Good harvest for [planet] Hauliers strike starves [planet] Huge medical surplus as conflict ends Jewel bash on [planet] Many killed in freighter crash MegaLocusts hit [planet] Military coup continues on [planet] New Hard? Cor! dates announced New factory opens on [planet] New ore deposits located on [planet] Opthalophagia epidemic on [planet] Ore market crashes Panic on [planet] as Grain harvest fails Pirates create food shortage on [planet] Platinum shortage reported on [planet] Police baffled by rodent popularity Police bust nets grand haul of firearms Police crack down on red light area Power station project given go-ahead Riots break out after election chaos Scorching weather results in drought Shares boom on [planet] Space port project runs into difficulty Storm wreaks havoc on farmers Synthi skin in demand as fires rage out of control Tax protesters go on rampage Terrorists breach dam Torrential rain causes flood on [planet] Total crop failure on [planet] We must catch these ghouls! Youth gun craze confounds police Zak arrives on [planet]
Set Planets	/ Talk show Temptress blows her top! A chance to coin it in! A new home for Hom A recipe for disaster Adipose Aggro on Anhur Attack of the Bexian MegaLocust! Bad Tidings for Hephaestus! Beer, beer, we want more beer Beverage company in the drink! Boweled over by sheer incontinence CIS bring Gamberettis to justice Call for help goes out as famine strikes Janus IV Cannibal horror as hundreds starve on Hephaestus Carts of Parts hit the Marts Cereal Killers! Citizens left without a foot to stand on! Corpulent competition causes chaos Crappy craft crock company Crash chaos kills kinky cyborgs Crius inhabitants show a lot of front Crunch time at Crisp Factory! Cult leaders arrested in Livestock fiasco Damn that dam! Diarrhoea fear strikes on Janus IV Diddler plays a blinder! Don't keep your eye on the ball! Eggs-ecution! Environmental science goes splosh! Faulty Fork Fiasco Flashlight business torched Floods, suds and mud Flower shower Food wasting fad leads to famine Georgie's Gorgeous Orgy Good prospects for Anhur Grain store goes with a bang! Grape Guru blamed for starving masses Guns on the run Hacker hunger horror on Hermes Happy camper Help us! Plead the inhabitants of Hades Hot Digger-ty Dog! Humongous fungus raises rumpus I'm just going to implant my Brain! Kick up the ass! Law Corps torp corpses Light makes many hands work Magician exiled for life as 'disappearing food' trick fails Marriage bliss for happy couple Mech Ball Championship delayed Militant mutants manufacture misery for Karatikus Moustachioed mayhem on Hades Now that's GOTTA hurt! Now that's what I call Death Metal Pack of Black Yaks attack Zak! Pecs-cellent! Pre-Flab construction Rain, rain, go away! Rash crash causes splash at flash bash lash-up Rave off! Rodent show could be suspended! Scourge of the biting vole! Shock docs cock up! Smart bomb, dumb pilot Soldiers get the needle Star arrested in food fight frenzy Stop this toxic terror! Stunt tragedy inflicts famine on Anhur Super grub ravages food supplies on Bex Teams count cost of Deathball season Techno Prisoners! That's Rich! That's ore-ibble The Buttocks' biggest bash! The Sexual Revolution! The Zak is back! Tip-top eclipse tips mix-up To his toy mistress... Tricky Brickies Trillionaire blamed for flood deaths Venom vandals vanquished Volca-not! War and Peace Water way to go! Why, Zimzam, Why? Work starts at site of Canera crash Would you like ice in that? Yes sir, that's high Baby You wooden't believe it Zak brings the house down! Zebu herds feel the bite
No Impact	All-Stars do it again Are you bored by life? Bad blood at friendly match Bex authorities crack down on corporate expansion Blakk is back Boardgame LXXVII happens Bratjoy recall product line CIS Bulletin CIS publish annual report Candid's Camera Chnauzer runs for president Circus Circus! 'Classic Craft' company finally fold Congratulations... Convicts sign TeleVid deal D.A. issue new guidelines Defence Secretary resigns after sex shocker Every Winner Loses! Farmer attributes 100m win to lucky potato Gravel Rash denied official status H.O.C. table controversial 'air rationing' plans Hard?Cor! sign for Startled High drama at Pool Championships Interplanetary Congress pledges more money for CIS It's Mountain O' Cash month! It's easier for a rich man to get into heaven... Kershwin makes plea to single mothers KriskArms buy out ExTex Lottery closed following scandal Maiden oeuvre New 'Cult Law' is passed New league record set in Gritley-Rascon game Oh, what a performance! Opi-Ola Corporation present new brands Party Chairman loses out in reshuffle 'Party' party outlawed Peace minister faces jail Poll shows pop drop after Enforcement Bill Processed Lentils Rugby final marred by faulty player Serra Magda Lyssom, your number's up Sinners Dinners Statistics debate rages on Team Selachian win GroB Preis The answer comes from within for lottery winner Tour company loses compensation battle Tragedy strikes Rocket derby You can win prizes! Yummiechow announce third quarter losses Yummiechow competition winners
Advertisements	Absolutely no meat content- guaranteed! Are you a Deathball fan? Are you as fat as a whale? Are you in search of lost childhood? Are you weedier than an abandoned hydroponics unit? Bored of being normal? Can't make a rash decision? Don't let dangerous insects bug you Edific Enterprises offer you your dream home... For the Ser about system...The Tweedle Buckham VacSuit Deluxe For the gentleperson of taste...the timepiece of distinction Have you ever wondered what human flesh tastes like? If your child hasn't got a Mutant Cosmic Thunder Samurai Newt... Is your beer holy satisfactory? It's caviare to the General... Jake Starr is going through Hell... KriskArms presents...the Femme Fatale New from Gagco......the Kakotron 2000 New!!! From MegaGags!!! The Virtual Victim New, from Pulchresse...the CosmoDrone Objects of Antiquity present... Sinoretti - The Spirit of Adventure Suffering from uncomfortable seat sores? The beer that doesn't fart about The boardgame that's got the whole planet talking... This vegetable love will grow and grow... Tyche present...the ultimate running shoe Would you bet the Family Jewels? You're in trouble... Zak says...'No Butts'

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