This time Death, Hades, ChrisReid, Kris and *Byydo* dance disco style..
|Wing Commander CIC Mail Bag
The Most Common Question
Subj: Mail Bag Submission
Date: 4/8/2000 6:36:24 AM Pacific Daylight Time
From: (email censored to protect the innocent) (mikey)
To: firstname.lastname@example.org, Byydo@ace-1.com
"Mikey likes it!"
Umm, sorry. Reflex.
Hi, just want to ask if there is a new wing commander game coming out soon?
The next Wing Commander Trivia game comes out Sunday.
I'm sorry, Mikey, but there were plans for another WC game until your question was asked. You see, Origin people get bombarded with these questions every day. Your question, though, was the straw that broke the camel's back, so to speak. After hearing of your letter, the remaining Origin staffers went postal, only with medieval weaponry boosted from Richard Garriot's house.
Boosted? Anyhow.. boy.. if we had $20 for every time someone asked this. No. There will not be a new Wing Commander game out "soon."
You Can't Please Everybody
Subj: Mail Bag Submission
Date: 8/31/2000 8:28:45 AM Pacific Daylight Time
From: (engage email cloaking device) (Tom Mendel)
To: email@example.com, Death@wcnews, Byydo@ace-1.com
Hi. I have something to say about Prophecy. I was recently playing it again, and realized it has no point whatsoever!
Is "keep shooting stuff until the galaxy is one big smoking graveyard" not good enough for some people?
Silly Byydo. You forgot about the T&A requirement. Those baggy flight suits leave much to be desired as revealing clothing, especially compared to the standard sci-fi bikini spacesuit.
You're right! WCP has no point! Excuse me, I'm gonna go back to my game of Pacman now.
Why is the Miday so obbsessed with killing with aliens?
I would suspect that the reason might have something to do with the fact that huge swarms of 10,000 alien ships keep showing up and shooting torpedoes at it.
Those weren't torpedoes. Those were special self-propelled gift boxes. All that talk about fighting and destruction were merely the result of horrendously broken translations that compounded a lack of understanding.
Hmm. Let me think. Because the aliens keep shooting at it?
They destroyed like one ship, and then it was like the Midway declared an all out war.
Silly Americans, the Japanese bombed *one* harbor, and it's like, war. What's up with that?
That didn't happen. It was just a conspiracy devised to give an
excuse for American servicemen to knock up geisha girls all over Japan.
They never even tried to talk to the aliens.
You try talking with something whose vocabulary consists entirely of stuff like "skrbrlgrblgraakkasrkaazhrhn" and "orswhrrrrr'hfrnahrenjerfwerkrah."
That's closer to English than some people I've met can manage, and
English is supposed to be their birth language.
You can try talking to the aliens if you want. Target one and press C.
That whole game was played like a war, when really there was no reason to have a war.
Hey Hey! War! What is it good for? ABSOLUTELY NOTHIN!*
"Say it again!"
*War, in reality, is quite useful for a number of things, such as increasing one's sphere of territorial influence, despoiling wealthy foreign civilizations, accelerating technological development, kickstarting the domestic economy, enhancing a leader's image, aiding the enforcement of oppressive domestic policies, and decreasing the surplus able-bodied youth population.
And makes for a darn good excuse to just blow stuff
Its been the same all through history. For example, just because that nice Mr. Hitler was trying to take over the world doesn't mean we had to declare war on him.
I don't know, but that took away alot of my enjoyment for that game.
I would have enjoyed Prophecy a lot more if they'd gotten Busta Rhymes to play Casey. And Jimmy "J.J." Walker to play Maestro. And Gary Coleman as Stiletto. And Mr. T as the CAG. And the Captain? BILLY DEE WILLIAMS.
IT WORKS EVERY TIME! YOU GO, LANDO!!!!1
Yeah, I'm quite happy to fly patrols where nothing happens. Damn you, Origin!
Subj: ADV: High Search Engine Rankings
Date: 8/21/2000 3:13:03 PM Pacific Daylight Time
Istopher Reid doesn't live here anymore.
Man, Chris, not even spammers can spell your name right.
Removal instructions below.
I have better removal instructions. They involve a finely crafted
sniper rifle and knowledge of your address.
Death's scaring me. :(
I saw your listing on the internet.
With spelling so atrocious you can't even spell Crid's name right,
it's a wonder you can even read.
I work for a company that specializes in getting clients web sites listed as close to the top of the major search engines as possible.
Ptth, if you had a real job you wouldn't be bothering us with this. But I'm sure you're earning your 12K/year.
Swilling cheap nasty-assed American beer while sitting in front of
your 386 with a 14.4kbps modem in your single-wide trailer home (gotta save up for that de-lux double-wide, donchaknow) is not working for a company.
Our fee is only $29.95 per month to submit your site at least twice a month to over 350 search engines and directories.
And for nothing more than a few hours, the same results can be reached without paying off some random loser like this bozo.
Who the hell needs their website sent to 350 weirdo engines twice a month anyways?
To get started and put your web site in the fast lane, call our toll free number below.
Call early, call often. And call from a pay phone, they cost the
spambag extra money.
Why is he gonna submit URLs to search engines twice every month? It's not like they get removed every two weeks. I'll let someone else comment on his name.
Related to Ben Dover, I believe.
Hehe, I just got that.
Remember, folks, call these from a pay phone. Not only does that keep you from being tracked (caller ID blocks don't affect 800/888 numbers), but it costs the guy more money. When you do call, remember that every minute of his time you waste is a minute that he's not online with his 386 running Spew-Master 9000 to crap in your mailbox.
To be removed call: 888-800-6339 X1377
Only if that gives me a street address at which to test out that
previously mentioned rifle.
My phone doesn't have an X...
How come his first phone number doesn't have an X### at the end? And Death's still scaring me. :(
Kris Plays Email Tag
Most fun I had in weeks
Subj: Reporting WC News
Date: 8/27/2000 9:11:22 AM Pacific Daylight Time
From: (swoosh) (Kelvin)
Hi. I was wondering if you could put this little tidbit up on your site. I am selling a copy of WING COMMANDER: THE KILRATHI SAGA on E-Bay. The address is http://cgi.ca.ebay.com/aw-cgi/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=421135560
Kris: Sure. Our listing fee is $25, plus 20% of the winning bid. Thanks,
Actually, nevermind then... I only put it up for something like 50 dollars. =)
Kris: You sure? KS can go for like $300. We can all profit from this.
Is there anyway we could work out a deal of some sort? I have no problem paying you a percentage of whatever I sell it for, but I cant afford the posting fee
Kris: You seem like a nice guy, so we're going to try to work something out. We wish our rates could be lower, but our current financial status leaves us with little choice. You see, if things don't get better soon, the CIC will have to become a subscription based site. You would get access to the site for say, $5 a month. But things like the Ships Database and Chat Zones would cost a little extra. We're not too sure about the details of our 'DoomsDay plan' yet. Anyway, enough about us, back to you. We might consider advertising your eBay auction for a 22.5% share of everything over your initial $50 (i.e. winning bid is $350, then the fee would be 22.5% of $300).
That sounds acceptable. The address site for the auction is
Kris: Ah, Dash. We talked about it with our patrone (Mr. Reid) and basically put in a good word for you, but he was completely against the idea. I'm sorry I got your hopes up. Good luck with the auction, I'm sure it'll do good without the added advertising.
Okay, thanks anyways. I have an offer for 100 US. That's more than I expected to get, and will probably take that.
Boy.. that kills me every time..
Your site is very good, unfortunatly, Origin isnt doing anything with it's Wing Commander liscense...
Yeah, that means the highlight of our week is sharing your email. :(
Kris: Erm, do you know how eBay works? You leave stuff as is, and let people bid more and more, until the auction closes (which would be in 3, 5 or 7 days, depending on what you chose). $100 is real low, you can get a lot more. Just use eBay for what it's intended :)
Dash you, Mr. Reid. We could have made millions. Millions!
Now I hope this helps some people. If you've never listed an eBay item before, when you do, wait for the auction to end.. don't halt it and grab your first offer..
That's all folks. Keep sending in letters, they've been great so far. Let us know if you have anything on your mind. Click here to send your message in. See you next time.