In this edition, we're just gonna pretend like there wasn't a three month delay since the last Mail Bag. So get ready for Byydo, Hades, ChrisReid, Death and Hadrian to tackle some of our latest emails. Some names have been changed to protect those we arbitrarily decide are less guilty than others. Here we go!
|Wing Commander CIC Mail Bag
Byydo: HEEEEEYYYYYYY YYOOOUUUUUUU GUUUUYYYYYYYSSSSSS!
Subj: Mail Bag Submission
Date: 4/7/2001 7:32:54 AM Pacific Daylight Time
From: Dead French Dude
You guys should continue the mail bag like you did in january, I am looking
forward to the next one. The mailbags make me laugh quite a bit. And here
is some good stuff for ya, "Freespace is better than Wing Commander!" JK/LOL
ok well whatever, peace y'all.
ChrisReid: I bet they make us laugh more. But this is kinda sad.
Death: More like "pathetic," actually.
Byydo: You know, the animation in the fifth season of Sailor Moon is a lot better than in the previous ones. It's actually fairly good, stuff doesn't just look like pastel-colored blobs anymore. Oh yeah, I watched Sanjuro the other day, and last night I had a dream that I was talking to somebody about watching Sanjuro.
Cpl Hades: Ahh, where would we be without stupid people?
ChrisReid: Hehe, don't say that about Byydo.
ChrisReid: Dear Chris...
Subj: Just information about your life...
Date: 4/15/2001 11:04:48 AM Pacific Daylight Time
From: From France, With Love
I read that you were born in 1982, just like me, and I just
wanted to know what you are studying over there at UW.
ChrisReid: I'm thinking of just taking a load of 100 level classes, picking up half a dozen minors and calling it even.
Just to compare to me, insofar as I'm a french student...
ChrisReid: This is the most terrifying email I've received in a long time.
Cpl Hades: Would it help if I mailed you a death threat or three?
Death: Careful, Crid. Next thing you know he'll be stalking you. And it won't be a good stalking, like LOAF's stalking of Kerri Lee.
Byydo: Or my stalking of Jodie Foster. "Dear Jodie, you are the most beautiful woman I have ever met. I have a gun. Love, Byydo."
ChrisReid: Jodie Foster doesn't look that good..
ChrisReid: The word of the day is FAQ.
Subj: Wing Commander Online
Date: 3/29/2001 11:18:18 AM Pacific Standard Time
From: Jim 1
When are they going to come out with a Wing Commander or Privateer online
like your Ultima Online ?
Cpl Hades: Wow, our Ultima Online. I think that's deserving of a "All your UO are belong to us."
Byydo: Dear Hades: If you ever make a Zero Wing joke again, I will rip off your head.
Byydo: SLOTH LOVE CHUNK!
Subj: Re: alt.games.wing-commander Trivia - Week 74
Date: 3/28/2001 12:28:03 PM Pacific Standard Time
From: firstname.lastname@example.org (^Tawakullna)
Reply-to: email@example.com (^Tawakullna)
you're a tosser
ChrisReid: Sorry, your submission is late, not to mention incorrect. Game 2, Week 74 Trivia was due May 7, 2000. Sorry.
Death: I suppose I could make some comment on how Tawawhogivesadamn should know about what a tosser is like, being one himself, but I used
a similar phrase in the last mailbag. I don't want to be too repetitive.
Byydo: CHRIS, LOAF, OR WHOEVER: INSERT SLOTH PHOTO HERE.
ChrisReid: You should all thank me now for saving you from that awful Tawakullna picture Byydo sent me. I've added a rainbow and one of Trelane's kittens so now it's all nice and pretty.
Cpl Hades: Yay, thanks Chris! But what does Tre's kitten have to do with Tawathingy?
ChrisReid: I dunno, but that kitten's just great.
ChrisReid: Winnar Si Yuo!!!1
Subj: Sorry !
Date: 3/27/2001 1:08:35 PM Pacific Standard Time
From: Jim 2
Hi it's jimmy,
Stacey said that I didn't have to , but I wanted to say I'm very sorry
about the picture that was taken..( it has been shreded tho ) We were just
so drunk & it got crazy for a little while. So I'am very sorry about
it....Still friends ???
Byydo: I GUARANTEE you he didn't shred that photo.
Cpl Hades: I so want to know what that picture was.
Death: Damn, sounds like something that might have been vaguely
approximating an incident that has the remotest chance of even coming near to being interesting. At least for blackmail material, if nothing else.
ChrisReid: This reminds me of that time TC and Hadrian...
ChrisReid: Woohoo! Roof Tune-Up's!
Subj: Roof Masters Roof Tune-Up and Maintenance Agreement
Date: 3/23/2001 2:02:06 PM Pacific Standard Time
From: firstname.lastname@example.org (John Brickus)
PLEASE RELAY MESSAGE TO THE MANAGER OF YOUR MAINTENANCE
DEPARTMENT. KEEP ON FILE IN CASE OF FUTURE ROOF LEAKS.
If your company is planning to reroof or roof repair any
of its facilities in the future, please call Roof Masters-
Death: We're a company now? Whoa, when did that happen? And why am I not getting a paycheck?
We can do roof repairs for one leaking building for only $299!
Call now for a Roof Masters "roof tune-up" to seal all leaks,
openings, weak areas and to professionaly 3 course all splits
on roof to prevent resplitting and resulting leakage for only
$299! Our future maintenance agreement is a nominal expense
charge of only $149 if necessary in case of a future roof leak
anywhere on your roof at anytime in the future!
Call now before a surprise leak does some damage or ruins some
Thank you Roof Masters Since 1974
ChrisReid: I've been saying we need to get that darn CIC roof fixed for years. Now's our big chance!
Death: Of course, given the average intelligence [sic] of spammers, the odds are there'd be more holes in the roof (if it existed, which of course it doesn't) than when they started.
Cpl Hades: Hey, at least we don't have to worry about watering the plants.
Byydo: OH MY GOD! THEY'VE GROWN TO TREMENDOUS PROPORTIONS! Wow, it's like a rainforest in here. Ooh, look, a beautiful bunch of ripe banana. OH NO! A BEAUTIFUL BUNCH OF RIPE BANANAS HIDE THE DEADLY BLACK TARANTULA!!!!!!
ChrisReid: Miss Wicked Wendy Says...
Subj: Luv'd your website!!
Date: 3/22/2001 5:39:04 PM Pacific Standard Time
From: email@example.com (Wicked Wendy)
Reply-to: firstname.lastname@example.org (Miss Wicked)
i was just surfing around.. came across your site.. i thought it was cool :))
thanks for the info
ChrisReid: It's nice to know we have some female visitors in the crowd.
Death: I could, if so inclined, be a prick about the use of "luv," but I'll be nice this time around. Thanks, Wendy! (I do, however, object
to the "was" bit. Then again, I'm biased in this regard, too.)
Byydo: MY SHIFT KEY BROKE AS I WAS ANSWERING THE LAST MESSAGE. BEFORE THE SPIDER VENNOM TAKES EFFFECT, I WOULLLD JSUIT LIEKTO S AYAYYYYYH HFDDHKSJDYN GNFKLDHM,N KHFG KNHLK..................
ChrisReid: And now we're back into the crack-free realm with a new Mail Bag Feature: CIC Historical Bags!
Date: 1/22/99 7:24:04 PM Pacific Standard Time
From: email@example.com (Evan Adnams)
I was just looking at the front page and noticed somthing was different, for some reason we have Arial set as the font for the news. This is not simply bad. Arial is and never was meant to be used as anything but a title or headline. How did this happen? This needs to be changed quickly....It doesnt match the rest of the site. It also is wrong from the design point of view.
Hadrian: That's right.
Cpl Hades: Given the sense of urgency in that email, we immediately applied for the funding to get it fixed. Unfortunately Chris just blew the entire CIC budget on SuperSoakers.
ChrisReid: And there we go. History in the making. We'll do another Mail Bag real soon. Keep all the emails coming! Love the Mail Bag? Let us know. Don't think we're funny? Let us know. Click here or email firstname.lastname@example.org to contact us.