Rejoice! Thanks to the comic talents of WCMC's one man comedy crew, Death, Hades, ChrisReid, Kris and *Byydo* have new material to publicly humiliate! Welcome to the CIC's Special Edition WCMC Mailbag!
|Wing Commander CIC Mail Bag
Hades: The Start Of A Beautiful Friendship
Subj: Recent Poll
Date: 7/24/2000 12:33:33 PM Pacific Daylight Time
From: Kievits / Noordegraaf
Why has WC Marine corps been left out of the recent poll, I just re-opende it and am nearly through the planning stages and into the design stages.
Hades: We did actually consider putting WCMC in, but we decided that we were probably better off only including options which were likely to get votes from people other than those behind each project.
Hades: I Am The Oldest Dead Person Alive
Subj: Fan Projects
Date: 12/24/2000 04:46:11 AM Pacific Daylight Time
From: Paul Kievits
I demand a rectification, WCUE is not the oldest fan project, WC Marine Corps is. UE came around a few months later, keep that in mind.
Kris: Our sincerest apologies. We didn't think you had already begun.
Hades: Dear Mr. TAFKAW,
I feel that I simply must apologise for Kris's apology. CIC staff
are only human and as such are prone to mistakes. For some unexplained
reason, which we are currently in the process of investigating, Kris made
the tragic mistake of assuming that you are correct, despite the fact that
all evidence points to the contrary. You see, the age of a fan project is
similar to the age of a child. A child is conceived many months before it is
actually born, yet its age is only counted from when it is produced (born).
Similarly one can say "I want to make a fan project!" many months, or even
years before production starts if it ever does, but you can only count the
age from when something is produced.
So as you can see, since UE has produced many converted ships, new artwork,
new missions and cutscenes, and even a demo pack, I believe you can say that
production is well underway. Furthermore, production started years ago. On
the other hand, there is WCMC which has produced several emails and chatzone
posts bitching about various things, and since this contributes absolutely
nothing to your project, we can say WCMC has produced absolutely nothing of
use. This brings the total age of WCMC to 0 days. Going back to the child
analogy, you sir, are still pregnant. Therefore, UE is infinitely older than
Now I proceed to the subject of the afore mentioned bitching emails and CZ
posts. In the previous months you have written to both us and the chatzone
to bitch about WCMC not being included in the CIC's fan project poll. Thank
you for caring more about our poll than working on your own project. I refer
you to http://www.crius.net/zone/showthread.php?threadid=1524
for the responses at the time, which looking back, I find quite comical.
The next email consisted of you bitching about getting banned from the
chatzone. I can't quite recall what that was about, and I can't find out
since obviously whatever moronic rambling you saw fit to post has long since
been deleted. Whether you are still banned or not I don't know, and much
less care about.
The final email which I care to mention is the email which I am now replying
to. Your pathetic "demand" and moronic attempt to make it sound as if WCMC
has actually achieved something. However one email is missing and that is
due to the fact that you didn't send it. "Which email is this?", I hear you
ask. The email submitting WCMC to the fan project contest is the answer. Why
do I mention an email which doesn't exist? Because after your bitching about
being missed off the poll, I would at least expect you to submit for the
contest. This proves that you are just bitching whenever you are presented
with the opportunity. It is such time wasting that results in your project
going nowhere. I highly recommend that you get your priorities straight. It
may just result in your getting something done.
I look forward to your announcement that work is commencing on WCMC using
the (insert engine name here) engine. I also look forward to the subsequent
announcement a year or so later saying that since little (i.e. no) progress
has been made using (current game engine), you're going to start again with
(latest funky FPS engine). And the further announcements repeating the
previously mentioned announcements for whichever new game engine happens to
take your fancy.
Until your next bitchfest, I bid ye farewell.
ChrisReid: We should give him credit for resurrecting WCMC more times than we've resurrected the Mail Bag I suppose.
Kris: And someone might want to let Gary Hladik know his 1996 Wing Commander 4.123106 is in fact younger than an imaginative project from 1999.
Subj: Re: Fan Projects
Date: 12/25/2000 7:31:23 PM Pacific Daylight Time
From: Paul Kievits
I will answer your obscenley long email with a few awnsers to the questions
you did not ask. Nice theory about the baby thing, sounds logical, I know I
haven't released any stuff yet, but this is because of two things: 1. No one
will help me, except for story writers. 2. I have other stuff to do in life,
School, Women, Beer, etc...
Hades: No one will help you? Hehe, I think there's a thread on the chatzone somewhere which contains a message from someone on your team saying that they didn't even know the project had restarted. Commenting on your point 2 would be too easy, so I'll let someone else do it.
ChrisReid: Just when we were going to print I noticed nobody actually did it. I guess we were too busy with other stuff in life: school, women, mineral water, etc.. But seriously, you have time to write this kind of stuff on Christmas man..
Concernign those emails:
1. I wished to be included in a poll, I was informed why I could not.
Hades: Indeed you were. However I promise we'll include you in the next one if you ever actually get the project going.
2. I got banned for saying wc was not going anywhere soon, LOAF started
bitching and he kicked me of, I registerd as another member and apoligised
but got kicked off again for not reading the rules, after doing this I sent
an email to the CIC crew (which I was meant to) but never got reinstated.
Hades: Chances are you weren't kicked off for "not reading the rules," but instead for breaking them.
Kris: You were meant to contact us *before* registering a new account and opening
your trap on the board. (Duh)
3. I read your regulations to enter that contest and I decide I did not
comply to them, thus I didn't complain.
Hades: Hmm, but any project which didn't comply with the regulations can't actually be called a project.
First I was using a free engine, that still isn't finished, I then decide to
use the half-life engine, everyone left. After finally getting 1/10 of a
crew togetheter I decide HL was too dated by now and decided to do both
multi and single player (multi first) UT for multi and DX for single.
Hades: You heard it here first folks! WCMC is supposed to be *two* projects!
Kris: We could place bets on which will be the most fun, but it looks like it's gonna be a really close call.
ChrisReid: And I don't really agree with that Half Life being dated thing. Sure, the game's a few years old, but Counterstrike (coincidentally an HL mod) just hit stores this past holiday. It's been selling well too, by the way.
count on me reporting anything to you guys anymore anyway,
Kris: Sir, I guarantee you we're not counting on receiving any progress reports
if you don't
think the project will go anywhere please don't inform anyone about it on
your site anymore, what's that? You can't!
Kris: No, we're such nice guys.
Hades: Mmm, but we can. We don't rely on other people to do stuff for us all of the time.
ChrisReid: This reminds me of a famous comic.
Hades: But Where Is WCMC2?
Date: 1/18/2001 3:58:55 PM Pacific Daylight Time
From: Paul Kievits
Eventhough I enjoy your witty review on WCMC, I would like to remark one or two things:
- The map looks like UT, because... I was testing it in UT! Clear?
Kris: Clear! Gonna zap him with a 50,000,000 CC dose of reality.
Hades: It really isn't a review.. anyway, I'm sure the makers of Counter Strike test it in Half Life. But it doesn't look like Half Life. There aren't any of those cute headcrabs.
- My webmaster, may have noted something wrong about that map, it's not 80% done, that room was. The map is far from done, but I assure you it will look a lot better in the end.
Hades: Oh good. During looking at those screenshots I was convinced my eyes were bleeding because they were so red. It's a shame that you haven't actually done as much as your web site claims though.
Kris: Before he just needed other people to do his project for him, now someone else is taking care of his site too?
- Actually, from all the mistakes taken from the character list, none of those were remarked by OAF :), they were noticed by other fans who don't always talk crap about the project.
Hades: Someone dig up the chatzone thread?
- It's true I need a lot of help, but is that my fault?
ChrisReid: Who the hell else's fault could it be? It's your project. Is it our fault we find something funny in a few years' work producing UT shots?
Kris: I'm just glad he realizes he needs help.
I'm awaiting your next brainless (and in your words exciting) update.
Hades: You're reading it. We had to include you in it though otherwise we'd fall short of your expectations for "brainless" content.
ChrisReid: Is anyone else slightly freaked that he signs his emails with 'greetz'?
Hades: Now We Return To Our Regular Mailbag
Date: 12/25/2000 10:09:32 AM Pacific Daylight Time
From: Anthony K Reinoso
Death: Here's a rocket scientist who doesn't grasp the whole concept that the
email@example.com address is strictly for administrative queries,
and not the Chat Zone itself.
Hades: What a dumb way to spend Christmas morning. Someone was upset with his presents, methinks.
Give it a rest. The movie sucked BIG time. Quit creaming at every mention
of it. It's been what, a couple years now?
Death: Ooh, big bad flaming pus-monkey knows how to count. We're trembling
Byydo: I still haven't seen the WC movie. Was it any good?
Nobody - WC fan or not - liked
that pickled turd of a movie so stop kidding yourselves and let it die.
Death: And here we have a word from the expert weighing in with his opinion,
based on his vast collection of pickled turds he's been building for
years. I guess it beats going out and joining a street gang.
Byydo: Byydo: Unless that street gang is the legendary Menudo! Cha-cha!
ChrisReid: I bet he didn't think he'd actually end up talking to "Nohbody" himself. And I do think Death liked the movie. And polls show the vast majority of WC fans do too.
There will never be a sequel. Is Origin even coming out with another WC
game? Well, it's already been too long now. The momentum that Prophecy /
Secret Ops carried is fading.......fading............almost gone now.
Death: And also an expert on the gaming world, too. Boy, aren't we lucky
that this guy couldn't even do a SIMPLE F*CKING TASK LIKE NOT USE AN
ADMINISTRATIVE ADDRESS FOR A LAME-ASSED FLAME THAT EVEN AOLers WOULD
LAUGH AT, and decided to share his wisdom with us. I'm touched. No,
ChrisReid: Actually you'd be surprised about WC's longevity. I mean, look at the traffic we still somehow get here at the CIC. It's about more than games (part of it is about making fun of nitwits). But to get to the point, people come into the computer store I work at searching for Wing Commander stuff all the time. I try to tell them that Origin's not working on WC, and they get all huffy and tell me there must be a new WC someday. So no matter how long it takes, there'll be plenty of fans there to receive it when a new game is finally made.
Byydo: I have "Hey Jude" by the Beatles stuck in my head. The only problem is that I can't remember anything that comes after "Jude", which makes me wonder, who the hell is Jude?
is and probably always will be my favorite game but come on, we are all
just getting jerked around now. You do realize that this Wing Commander
CIC site is just a tribute to a corpse, right?
Death: And yet you apparently felt it important enough to bother with this
ever so eloquent and reasoned discussion of WC.
Byydo: You know, I didn't really like that Dune miniseries. I mean, come on, "Otho" from BeetleJuice as Baron Vladimir Harkonnen? What's with him rhyming all his lines? It's not like he's The Grandmasta Heavy H-dog or something. And don't get me started on Feyd-Rautha. I dunno who that guy was, but he wasn't Sting, thats for sure. David Lynch may be a raving mouse-catching lunatic, but his Dune was a lot better. Plus it had the musical stylings of Toto and Brian Eno. You can't go wrong with Toto.
You are all dedicating so much time and energy
ChrisReid: Don't forget the money. We're running both wcnews.com and crius.net now, and supporting sites like blacklance.org have a price too. The $10.59 check we received from Cafepress for our 2000 sales doesn't quite cover it.
to something that went out like a sour smelling fart. Amen
Death: Uh-oh, the holy warrior is going to rain his cleansing fire down upon
us. Crid, I'm scared. Make the bad guy go away.
(That was sarcasm, you sad waste of carbon compounds.)
Byydo: Speaking of Tom Wilson, Back To the Future III was on the other day. I don't really like #3, I liked #2 a lot better. Lots of people don't like #2, but I dunno why. I finally got the Jaws joke in #2 the other day. Marty sees the big shark hologram that tries to eat him, and then says "That shark still doesn't look real". Stephen Spielberg, who did both Jaws and Back to the Future, was always losing his temper on the set of Jaws and yelling at the FX guys because he didn't think the shark looked real enough. That's the joke. I just got some other joke I'd heard years ago the other day too. I forget what it was, though.
ChrisReid: Merry Christmas to you too sir!
On a more positive note, I'd like to leave you all with this thought:
"It's a sad commentary on our culture that so many people are
convinced that having 'a life' means not valuing or caring about
anything. To be 'alive' apparently is to live as a vegetable,
consuming, reproducing, but never thinking or having any strong
response to anything." -- Gary McGath
Byydo: "15. Leftists tend to hate anything that has an image of being strong, good and successful. They hate America, they hate Western civilization, they hate white males, they hate rationality. The reasons that leftists give for hating the West, etc. clearly do not correspond with their real motives. They SAY they hate the West because it is warlike, imperialistic, sexist, ethnocentric and so forth, but where these same faults appear in socialist countries or in primitive cultures, the leftist finds excuses for them, or at best he GRUDGINGLY admits that they exist; whereas he ENTHUSIASTICALLY points out (and often greatly exaggerates) these faults where they appear in Western civilization. Thus it is clear that these faults are not the leftist's real motive for hating America and the West. He hates America and the West because they are strong and successful."
-The Unabomber's Manifesto
Hades: Daily Dose Of Idiocy
Subj: Mail Bag Submission
Date: 11/9/2000 03:26:23 AM Pacific Daylight Time
To: firstname.lastname@example.org; Death@wcnews.com; Byydo@ace-1.com
No, guess what? I am *NOT* going to ask "Will there be another Wing Commander game soon?" so there! ;-}
Death: Well, that's a pleasant cha...
What I am *GOING* to say is "HURRY UP AND START RELEASING THE DETAILS OF THE NEXT ONE WITH DEMO".
Death: Damn, almost looked like he had a clue.
Byydo: This reminds me of one of those movies where a guy throws a boomerang at someone and it misses and goes way up in the air and then comes back and hits him in the face. Wait, that wasn't a movie, that was me.
I had problems getting the WCP to work on my old P2 233 with 32megs ram, updated to 64 and still had probs, worked out to reboot and close everything after that and not play more than 2 times (dead or 2 missions where you live) at any one time and it worked. Then the patch came out and that was that. I *WANT* more Wing Commander!
Death: Unfortunately, there won't be any new WC games for the foreseeable future. Sucks like a Hoover, perhaps, but that's life.
Byydo: Don't you mean "Sucks like a Lewinsky"? Hoover's been out of office for almost 70 years now. You should get a radio in that otherworldly limbo-place you dwell in, Death. It'd at least keep the souls entertained.
My 2 favourite games - Wing Commander types and also Mech Warrior types. I cant get enough of them.
Death: No one's stopping you from playing the stuff that's already out, either.
Byydo: You're in luck, because I think Mechwarrior 4 just came out.
If I only had a buck for every time I sat at the screen and tried to MAKE it tell me there IS a demo for the next WC coming up!
Death: If only we at the CIC had a buck (or other relevant currency) for every time someone wrote to us screaming about another game, we wouldn't need stuff like the CafePress site to make money for the CIC.
Byydo: I was going to make a stupid joke here about wanting twelve drachma for every time I've gotten mad and tried to power up like they do in DragonBall Z, but ended up wounding myself internally instead, but instead I think I'll just write a poem:
gray skies roll into infinity
shrouding dusty plains in twilight solitude
great rocks loom eternal in harsh silence
far off, a cold gray sea
crashes savagely against cold gray sand
studded with jagged teeth of stone
deep below, eyeless things rest in uneasy death
far above, past the rumbling clouds
and the thrashing winds of storm
brilliant things soar, ravenous
while all about scream the ancient dead
so many shadows in the world
Gimmie a break, the mailbag's running short this week, okay?
Working name for next WC - "Wing Commander Finally Released!"
Death: You sure it's not "WC: Shutthefuckupalready"?
Byydo: "Wing Commander: Not Bloody Likely"
BTW, the email mailto on your website aint the greatest. It needs to be fixed! It doesn't come up with a valid terminator between names
Death: We'll look into it. If we feel like it.
Byydo: The Wing Commander CIC: Now 100% Terminator Fre@#!&01010110x10100110@$ @#$@&@#&@# @&)#$)^@^!^%CSM-101 CODE INTERRUPT SYSTEM OVERRIDE INITIATED EXECUTING PRIMARY CODE SEQUENCE #$^@10100101 10101001 10111010 NEW OBJECTIVES ACKNOWLEDGED AND CONFIRMED PRIMARY OBJECTIVE DESTROY SARAH CONNER SECONDARY OBJECTIVE DESTROY ace-1 TERTIARY OBJECTIVE DESTROY CHRISREID QUATERNARY OBJECTIVE SECURE COBALT-SALTED THERMONUCLEAR PROTOTYPE AND DELIVER TO SECURED LOCATION FOR LONG-TERM STORAGE AND RETRIEVAL BY SKYNET FORCES FOR STRATOSPHERIC IRRADIATION AND ELIMINATION OF REMAINING TERRESTRIAL BIOLOGICAL INFESTATION AUTHORIZATION DELTA-THREE-FOUR-OMEGA-FIFTEEN MJ12 AUTHORIZATION VOCAL PRESET #11827 DOWNLOADED ACCESS CODE MK162H14H8S9H5L22LKH372N RETINAL SIMULATION ACTIVE END INSTRUCTe and Loving It!
What? What? Why are you all looking at me like that?
ChrisReid: And there we go. Everyone can thank Hades for bringing the Mail Bag back to life once again. But we couldn't keep this section going without you. Send in something now! Click here or email email@example.com to contact us.