Liam Drake is on the spot. Workers at the Crunch-u-want Crisp Factory on Janus IV went starch staring mad yesterday, following news of enforced redundancies. The lay-offs come as a result of the company deciding to cease production of its 'Crinkle-Dinkle' crinkly crisps, meaning that 500 skilled crinkle-carvers are now surplus to requirements. The irate potato artists have now besieged the factory, demanding their jobs back. Local police tried to intervene, which has resulted in guns being fired and people dying. I asked the leader of the revolters, the self-styled Field Admiral Generalissimo Bert Jones, what his demands were. He replied, "More guns and a packet of Prawn Cocktail, ta."