Talk:First Battle of Kilrah - 2667
Wedge you can start to edit this. I haven't read it completely over but I think the only additions I'm going to do to it is a few more images. --Dundradal 21:28, 3 September 2010 (CDT)
An impressive effort on your part, certainly. It was a headache reviewing an article this long because when I checked links, I'd get into the habit of reviewing that article, check its links then review articles that it linked to, and so on, ad nauseum. (You might have gathered this from the Recent Changes page.) In the end, it took me several hours to go through this, it's way past midnight for me, I haven't had dinner, and I'm exhausted. ):
I've outlined some of the changes here, in case you have questions about why I did certain things:
- I tried to avoid repeating the word 'strike'.
- Image: I'm just going by your principle of leaving out things 'unknown'.
Background: Confederation Situation
- Come on, Dund. I'm hoping you'd know the difference between 'then' and 'than' by now. (:
- Home Fleet was used a lot, and then you started to shift to Kilrathi Home Fleet. I think the latter is better to be clear about whom this 'home fleet' belongs to.
- A large quote like this looks nicer as a Block Quote HTML element, I think.
- Synchronised this with the Strike Force Valkyrie article. Would be nice if there was a simple way to include sections from other pages.
- Something to keep in mind: Fralthra is spelled with two Rs. Just so you don't continue to repeat the mistake. (:
The First Battle of Kilrah
- Making Repairs and Burying the Dead: I don't think you finished the sentence in the first paragraph, 'In a conversation between...'
- Changing Tactics: Is the positioning of the quotes in the sub-heading deliberate? I don't quite understand it.
The Return to Confederation Space
- What does EVA stand for?
The rest of the article was mostly prose, just minor rewording. The article is well written so I didn't have much to do here.
For the Opposing Forces and Casualties section, I'm wondering if we can do something similar to Wikipedia, where it's combined into an info box and placed in the top-right corner of the article. It's a lot of work, I know, but might be something nice to aim for in the future. I also like the little crucifix indicators showing which commanders died during the battle. - Wedge
I finished this at like 2 am so I'd expect there to be quite a few errors. I knew I had left a sentence hanging somewhere but said screw it and I'd find it today.
- And that's fine. I have the same problem myself, when I re-read things I've written at a later date. Shades and I did the same thing, when we reviewed each others' work on the dialogue scripts. - Wedge
See above...2 am...I just wanted the damn thing done. I didn't even reread it so for all I know it could have first grade errors throughout the text. Easy on the lecturing. I'm well aware of the English language however when I write drafts I just let it flow then rework it later and since I know you're following behind me it makes it easy to forget to check.
- I'm really sorry, I didn't mean to sound like I was lecturing you. I thought the smiley there was enough to say I was teasing you...? ): - Wedge
Home Fleet is used a lot because it's the term used in ER, if it's clear that the paragraph is speaking of the Kilrathi there is no need to add it to Home Fleet to distinguish which is which.
- Yes, it's clear in the main article text, but as a future article (since it obviously hasn't been written yet), I suggest we put Kilrathi in the title. Surely that's okay with you? - Wedge
The quotes are deliberate it's what Bondarevsky is thinking before maneuver. Also, since you do not own the novels you need to refrain from editing things related to them without clarification. I'm glad you asked here, please continue to do so.
- I have some, but not on hand. In this case, I work off the PDF that was on Chris Reid's Geocities site until Yahoo shut Geocities down. And I remember after the first time you told me off - I wasn't going to change anything here, anyway, just wasn't sure where the quote was from or what it meant. - Wedge
You really don't know what EVA stands for? Not going to lie that's a bit surprising since we are working on a space combat game....Extra Vehicular Activity. :p
- I knew it was extra-vehicular something. I couldn't remember the 'A' part. - Wedge
New infobox...yeah knock yourself out...I can tell you I'm staying away from those after the struggle I had to go through just to edit the Character one. You seem more technically capable than me in that sphere so see if you can make easier sense of it. If I try we are all screwed.
- Too late. I'm already knocked out. Past 2 am and I still haven't eaten, taken a shower or relaxed as I wanted to this afternoon. (This is why I like to keep up with reviews instead of doing it in one big hit, but I understand you don't want your work disrupted.) At least I got the house-work done...
- I'll leave this as a nice-to-have-but-non-essential-feature for now. - Wedge
I think we can say this article is complete except for maybe some minor details that might come up from the other novels (mostly FA or FC).
- Agreed. Any further edits should be minor. - Wedge
One battle down just oh a few thousands engagements to go :p --Dundradal 10:49, 4 September 2010 (CDT)