Jokes.

Status
Not open for further replies.

Ripper

Peace Through Superior Firepower
It's an Aggie joke to kick it off!

Why does an Aggie hang his diploma from the rear view mirror of his car?


So he can park in handicap spaces! :D :D :D
 

PeteyG

I can have an avatar now
What do you call a potato that can't keep his lunch down?






A regurgiTATER.

bwahahahahahaha
 

TyeDyeBoy

Spaceman
A guy walks into a psychiatrist's office wearning nothing but saran wrap. The doctor takes one look at him and says

"I can clearly see you're nuts."
 

psych

Destroyer of assclowns
A pirate walks into a bar. The bartender sees that there is a steering wheel attached to his crotch. He tells the pirate, "Hey buddy, you know that there's a steering wheel on your crotch?"

The pirate replies "Arrrre! It's driving me nuts!"
 

TyeDyeBoy

Spaceman
Two atoms are walking down the street.

One stops and says "hold on! I just dropped an electron."

The other says "are you sure?"

The first says "yes, I'm positive!"
 

Erkle

Rear Admiral
Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse go to see a marriage therapist. Mickey wants a divorce, when asked why he replys, "She's too strange."
"That's not a good reason" replied the therapist.
"Not only is she too strange, but she is also a wacko" was Mickeys reply.
"Those are still not enough for a divorce" calmly replied the therapist.
Mickey took a deep breath and yelled out... "FINE SHES F***ING GOOFY"
 

Preacher

Swabbie
Banned
TC said:
Wow... why?

That was the best joke in this thread, I love that joke.
Thanx.

As to the "why", I leave you with one word: "huh-Laaaaame"
(A tip o' the hat to Ace Ventura)

As to the joke, I sadly must admit that it is not my original material. I got it from my vast knowledge of Dave Letterman humor. When a couple jokes in a row in his monolog would bomb, he'd grab his midsection, melodramatically bend over as if experiencing a searing pain, and intone:
"Ladies & gentlemen, I'm slowly losing the will to live"

Gotta love the Dave. A pox on Leno; Dave's still the best...
 

TyeDyeBoy

Spaceman
Two guys walk into a bar. The second one should have seen it coming.

-and-

Three strings walk into a bar.

The first goes over to the bartender and says "Hey, gimme a beer!" The bartender says "We don't serve strings here, get out."

The second string thinks that maybe if he's really polite, he'll get served. So he goes to the bartender and says "Excuse me sir, could I have a beer if it's not too much trouble?" The bartender says "I'm sorry but we don't serve strings here. I'm going to have to ask you to leave."

The third string thinks for a moment. Then he goes into the bathroom, bends himself into a loop, and messed up his ends a bit.

He comes out, walks to the bar and orders a beer. The bartender says "Hey, aren't you a string?"

The string says "Nope, I'm a frayed not!"

HA!
 

Ripper

Peace Through Superior Firepower
They say that two wrongs don't make a right.


But two Wrights make an airplane. :D :D :D
 

Sylvester

Vice Admiral
An Neutron walks into a bar and orders a martini. He then asks how much it will cost. The bartender replies "For you, no charge!" HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
 

TyeDyeBoy

Spaceman
Two nuns, three Microsoft executives, the President, eight senators, an Irishman, a Scotsman, an Australian, four geese, a Priest, a Rabbi, the pope, John Rocker, Ray Lewis, a horse, and an insurance salesman walk into a bar.

The bartender says "What is this, a joke?"
 

Dammerung

Spaceman
Ok, I don't quite remember how this one goes?
(Don't accuse me of being bigoted, save that for my friend)
There's a plane with An Italian, American, and Mexican diplomat onboard. The left engine goes out, so the Captain requests the passengers to throw out some cargo to keep the thing in the air. The Italian throws boxes of pasta and jars of tomato sauce out the back, as it is in abundance in italy. The Mexican throws Tortillas and Salsa out the back, as it is also in abundance. The American thinks for a moment, then throws the mexican out.

Howabout a blonde joke?

3 Women, a Blonde, a Brunette, and a Redhead are on a roadtrip. The car breaks down 20 miles from civilization. The Redhead says to take something that will help their walk back into town. She Grabs a canteen full of water. The brunette reaches into the back seat and gets an umbrella. The Blonde, looking puzzled, asks why. The brunette was about to say "to keep the sun away", but saw the blonde ripping off a Car door. The Brunette asks "Why did you rip off the car door?". The Blonde replies "If it gets too hot, I can just roll down the window!"
 

Needaham45

Spaceman
I have two similar types of jokes.

Michael Jordan, George Bush, and a hippie are on an airplane. The pilot says "I have some good news, and some bad news. The bad news is, the plane's out of fuel. The good news is, there's 3 paracuttes, and I'm taking one!" And he jumped out of the plane. Then George Bush says "Well, I'm the leader of the most powerful nation in the world. The world needs me, so I have to live." He grabs a parracutte and jumps out of the plane. Michale Jordan said "What are we gonna do? There's only one paracutte." "No, man, it's cool," said the Hippie, "the brilliant leader over there just jumped out of the plane with my backpack."

AND

A Brunette, Redhead, and a Blonde are running from the cops. They go into a barn to hide. The Brunette hides behind a cow, the Redhead in a flock of chicken, and the Blonde in a sack of potatos. The cops go into the barn, and shine their flashlights on the cow. So, the Brunette goes "Moo moo", and the cops say "Oh... it's just a cow." Then they shine their lights on the chickens, and the Redhead goes "Bak Bak", and the cops say "oh... it's just a bunch of chickens. Then they shine there lights on the sack of potatos and the blonde goes "PO-TAAA-TOOOS"
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top