A little something I heard

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Phillip Tanaka

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I found a recording about Musilum terrorists on the Internet that had me rolling on the floor laughing. I've transcribed it and put it below for those who'd like a chuckle.

Ever wonder why Middle Eastern Musilum terrorists are so quick to volunteer on a mission to commit suicide? This docuement says just take a closer look at their lifestyle. This docuement says, no pre-marital sex. No booze. None. Never. Sand, f...... sand everywhere. No TV. No Cable TV. No Satillite TV. No sports channel. No Sports Illistrated swimsuit edition. Sand, f...... sand everywhere. No organised sports of any kind. That's right, no sports. Women are to be completely covered and wear veils. No thongs. No Victoria's Secret. Very very few cars. Camels. Lots of camels. Stinking filthy camels. Sand, f...... sand everywhere. Ever tried pissing in an oasis? Sandstorms, well f...... sand everywhere. Rags for clothes and hats. Camel and goat burgers cooked over burning camel dung chips. Toilet tissue's unknown. Sand, f...... sand everywhere. No golf. Just sand traps. Constant wailing next door, no wait a minute that's music. Praying five times a day for what? More of this life? Oh and did I mention the f...... sand? And when you die it's supposed to get better. No wonder they volunteer for suicide missions.
 
While you are lampooning an Arab-type lifestyle, it is, essentially correct (the parts about no booze, overly-clothed females, and relative media "starvation", that is). There *are* sports, though, but not as great a variety as most of the rest of the world enjoys. And the stuff about sand would only apply to those living in desert climates, of course (which is a great proportion of those in the Middle East, admittedly), and of those, only the ones who're too poor to afford better living conditions.

This deprivation that Islam enforces upon them (esp, the militantly extremist sects) is indeed fertile ground in which to breed an extremist terrorist willing to die in the cause. The sad fact is, (even mainstream) Islam offers no guarantee of heaven of any kind unless the faithful should happen to die in "jihad", or "holy war" against infidels. In short, you can live as good & faithful a life as you are able, and when you die, getting to heaven is still a crapshoot ("MAYbe Allah will let me into heaven; Gee, I sure hope so", etc.). They are told that when they die and enter Paradise, they will be able to have sex eternally with 72 dark-haired virgins (nevermind the fact that, once you've "been with them, tney're no longer virgins). If there's no guarantee of heaven aside from martyrdom in a jihad, and life down here is just one long string of deprivations, it's no wonder that so many misguided souls opt for this. That's what's so scary.

The sadder part still is, God never meant for man to live such a miserable existence as this. Just goes to show you how "the god of this world has blinded them to the truth".
 
Way to turn something mildly amusing into something cold and boring.
 
You all can go to hell. I just finished 30 straight hours of freakin Pol Sci 331 Middle Eastern Domestic Politics Final exams and projects. I've had enough sand for today.
 
"I don't like the sand. It's coarse and rough and irritating--not like you. You're soft and smooth."

:(
 
I was trying to recall where I head that before... is that from Anakin? Man, that's cheesier than I remember!
 
Originally posted by Phillip Tanaka
I found a recording about Musilum terrorists on the Internet that had me rolling on the floor laughing. I've transcribed it and put it below for those who'd like a chuckle.
Personally, I think that anybody who is incapable of spelling a simple word like Muslim correctly (Moslem would be right too, but Musilum isn't), has no right to joke about them.

Your post, however, Preacher, is indeed a great joke. At least it would be, if you didn't actually think you're telling the truth. Feel free to continue this discussion, but be warned - people spouting nonsense about religions they apparently know nothing about is one of my pet peeves, so it won't take much for this thread to die.
 
Re: Re: A little something I heard

Originally posted by Quarto
Personally, I think that anybody who is incapable of spelling a simple word like Muslim correctly (Moslem would be right too, but Musilum isn't), has no right to joke about them.

I kan't spel. Shout me.

Originally posted by Quarto
Your post, however, Preacher, is indeed a great joke. At least it would be, if you didn't actually think you're telling the truth. Feel free to continue this discussion, but be warned - people spouting nonsense about religions they apparently know nothing about is one of my pet peeves, so it won't take much for this thread to die.

If that's the case, I'll put up what I was going to leave tomorrow. And I happen to have an idea or two as to the Muslim (there, spelt correctly. Happy now?) religion and way of thinking, as I hope to prove to your satisfaction below.

Okay, just forgetting for a moment that this is a humorous rip on Muslim countries, let's have a closer look at what you said below.

Originally posted by Preacher
There *are* sports, though, but not as great a variety as most of the rest of the world enjoys.

You're right. Countries like Iran, Iraq and Israel even have international soccer teams, and could give a few countries a run for their money. Iraq could have even had a good chance against the elite like France, Italy and Brazil.

Originally posted by Preacher
And the stuff about sand would only apply to those living in desert climates, of course (which is a great proportion of those in the Middle East, admittedly), and of those, only the ones who're too poor to afford better living conditions.

True enough. Most cities are fairly modern. Even in "third world countries" such as Bangledesh and Rwanda.

Originally posted by Preacher
The sad fact is, (even mainstream) Islam offers no guarantee of heaven of any kind unless the faithful should happen to die in "jihad", or "holy war" against infidels.

Cue those incidents in America and Bali. Allow me to put part of another, serious, recording I heard below:

As she flew over the planet, there were scars upon the land. There were scars upon the people, it was hard to understand. But the deepest scars of all, which to humans were unseen. The Angel could see clearly the scars upon their dreams. And in gardens where the children played, now soldiers only trod. And stranger still, she heard some say that they were killing for their God. Now the Angel had heard God speak many times, and she'd always paid attention. But this killing of one's neighbours is something The Lord had never mentioned.

Originally posted by Preacher
If there's no guarantee of heaven aside from martyrdom in a jihad, and life down here is just one long string of deprivations, it's no wonder that so many misguided souls opt for this. That's what's so scary.

Yes, I can understand where you're coming from, and I believe in some cases you are right. Let me show you another point of view, from the mind of an Islamic sympathyiser. These are in no way my words, I couldn't make it up if I tried, and yes, Quarto, I specifically made sure that Muslim is spelt correctly.

"These 'terrorists' you paint with such a broad brush are really decent souls, despite their actions. It's just that they've been pushed beyond the limit by (the West). They are tired of the West's anti Islamic racism-based on caricature, predjudice and ignorance. They're tired of being poor and ill-educated and taken advantage of. They're tired of being killed by others while you-in the West-just stand by. You may not like their methods, in killing innocent people, but those methods are understandable after so many hundreds of years of humiliation. It's their way of getting attention foo their plight-of making the rest of the world wake up. The view that they are terrorists is typical of an uneducated, Western military assassin. Just for a minute, look at things from another perspective. Take the Gulf War for example. In the West it was seen as a great alliance. To the disenfranchised Muslim it was seen as a modern crusade-Christiandom and it's currupt Arab allies versus the purity of Islam. That is the lesson preached in mosques from Fez to Kabul. Perhaps to a Westerner this view is wrong, to a non-Muslim. You must walk the proverbial mile in their shoes. Look at events as they are seen from the Muslim point of view. The attacks on New York and Washington, for example, I can certainly deny that these were terrorists acts, if, from my perspective, I am waging war against the West. In that case, I can define it as a series of small but significant battles won by my side. Islam's soldiers in the great war against nonbelievers being the perpetrators. Most Muslims who live in the West feel disriminated by them. They see these lethal activists the same was as the peasents living around Nottingham once saw Robin Hood. Muslims have faith-unshakeable faith. We have faith in the Koran; we have faith in ourselves; we have faith that we will persevere. We have to. History and religion are the two great cornerstones of Islam. Each teaches us to have faith. So, Muslims are great students of history. Indeed, I have come to see Muslims as history's orphans-cast out, rediculed, persecuted and poor. All the oil money in the Gulf, those riches mean nothing. I mean poor in the spiritual sense. Riches are but a means to an end-the restoration of multinational Islam. The West has abandoned us in Yugoslavia. If we truely mattered, if we were a force to be reckoned with, the genocide would not have been allowed. The West see us as caracitures. We are not. The West see us as 'fundamentalists' who martyr ourselves. We are more than that. You may find this hard to comprehend, but there is a whole society that believes that the West is immoral, decadent and currupt. To those who follow Islam, which means
'submission,' there is but one way-the way of the Jihad. The Muslim word for holy war is one definition of it, and the most common one. But there is another translation. Jihad also means a total, supreme, unlimited, immesureable, all-out effort. The kind of effort the Afghanistanis summoned up to turn back the Soviet invasion and defeat the Red Army. To our way of thinking, in Afghanistan one of the two world's superpowers were defeated with intense faith. The seven billion dollars in aid from the United States did not matter. The most important statistic is that there were three million martyrs in our holy war, and if Jihad demands it, we are willing to provide three, four, five million more-any number to achieve the goal our Jihad requires. Those who wage Jihad are diffirent to the Americans and the Russians. They are willing to pay any price. Death means nothing. You nonbelievers cannot fathom the depths of our passion."

I'll leave it up to you to make comments on this, because honestly I don't know where to start.
 
Re: Re: Re: A little something I heard

Originally posted by Phillip Tanaka
I kan't spel. Shout me.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Thank you, thank you... I'm here all week.
 
(From the vast Stupidity Mines of the Interweb, with a slight alteration.)

--

The Iraqi Ambassador to the UN has just finished
giving a speech, and walks out into the lobby where he meets President Bush.

They shake hands and as they walk, the Iraqi says, "You know, I have just one question about what I have seen in America."

President Bush says, "Well , Mr. Ambassador, anything I can do to help you, I will do."

The Iraqi whispers, "My son watches this show 'Star Trek' and in it there are Russians and Blacks and Whites and Asians and Jews, but never any Arabs. He is very upset. He doesn't understand why there are never any Arabs in 'Star Trek.'"

President Bush chuckles and leans toward the Iraqi, and whispers back, "Well, there's Dr. Bashir."

--

I think the moral is that if you forget about Deep Space Nine to tell a stupid racist joke, you're probably a terrorist.
 
07-minister.jpg

Originally posted by Philip Tanaka
Countries like Iran, Iraq and Israel even have international soccer teams. Iraq could have even had a good chance against the elite like France, Italy and Brazil.
There are more countries with "international soccer teams" than countries affiliated to the U.N.
I´ll chop my arm off the day Iraq beats Brazil at an official soccer match. The Iraqi players were whipped (literally) by Uday Hussein every time the team lost, which was about always.

The only Arab teams who can play a somewhat decent soccer today are Morocco and Saudi Arabia.

Just joking on the picture, Philip, but I read your sentence and actually heard Mr. Sahaf speaking. :D

Hope I´ve set the record straight.
 
Re: Re: A little something I heard

Originally posted by Quarto

...people spouting nonsense about religions they apparently know nothing about is one of my pet peeves...
Fair enuff, but what's any of that got to do with my post?...

Granted, you won't see me on Nightline w/ Ted Koppel as an Islamic authority, but I still know more about Islam than most non-Muslims. As such, if you think it "nonsense", or that I "know nothing about" it, then I say:

"Pfffft; prove it so, then..."

(Hope you have a copy of the Koran with you, cuz I have mine at the ready...)

Hey, and Philip?:

I like the way you put the quote from the sympathizer and that angel flying over the earth quote in the same post. it underscores a point I was going to make, which is this: There's a gaping hole in the ideology of those who are like-minded with that sympathizer and/or actual terrorists: The mass killing of innocents(non-combatants) is something that is not found in current JudeoChristian ideology concerning war. Sure, the OT had God commanding Israel to wipe out entire peoples from the Promised Land, but that was during a specific isolated timeframe and situation; it was not a general command given as "an everlasting ordinance" to Israel/the Church. To kill mass quantities of noncombatants in wartime (and especially when you leave the enemy's command structure virtually untouched) is both immoral and stupid.
 
Re: Re: Re: A little something I heard

Originally posted by Preacher
Sure, the OT had God commanding Israel to wipe out entire peoples from the Promised Land, but that was during a specific isolated timeframe and situation; it was not a general command given as "an everlasting ordinance" to Israel/the Church.

The reason why the Israelites stayed so long in Egyptian captivity according to the Old Testament was because those who inhabited the Promised Land had not yet become sinful enough. God allowed his chosen people to destroy those who inhabited the Promised Land because they finally were so deep in their sin that perhaps God was tired of dealing with them. God said something along the lines to Moses as he was preparing him to free the Israelites from slavery.

Besides, not everyone died. The prostitute who harbored Joshua and Caleb as they were spying on Jericho was saved, as well as her entire family.

That is the story as I interpret it from the Bible.
 
There was also an entire city that was spared. The inhabitants tricked Joshua into believing they'd come from outside Caanan, and got him to agree not to wipe them out. Then a couple of days later, Joshua discovered that the people he'd negotiated with were from the city just over the next hill.

He was a little upset about the deception, but kept his word.
 
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