Wing Commander 3.1416: The Heartburn of the Tiger
- Thread starter Ijuin
- Start date
I'm thinkin...
Spaceman
Why in blazes would a Kilrathi convoy being hauling beer. Was the Emperor having a huge kegger at the palace on Kilrah or what.
Intel screwed up, thats not beer... thats the Kilrathi ritual liquor (ak'rah?).
Either
A) everyone gets REALLY tripped out on it or
B) it gets loaded straight into the behemoth and the behemoth fires, but as soon as it hits the volcano (or a figher simply shoots the stream) which ignites, flashes back into the resivoir, and *poof* no more Behemoth.
and if beer, then Angel was really caught when everyone got drunk at one of the keggers and the widespread distribution is the new Imperial counterintelligence effort.
Either
A) everyone gets REALLY tripped out on it or
B) it gets loaded straight into the behemoth and the behemoth fires, but as soon as it hits the volcano (or a figher simply shoots the stream) which ignites, flashes back into the resivoir, and *poof* no more Behemoth.
and if beer, then Angel was really caught when everyone got drunk at one of the keggers and the widespread distribution is the new Imperial counterintelligence effort.
-<Stiletto>-
Spaceman
You don't destroy planets by shooting water/beer into them either....
-<Stiletto>-
Spaceman
Alchoholophilie! Die by the very booze that you adore!
OOH I like this one. I think I will use it. Everybody will get really drunk on the stuff, then Tolwyn will realize there's not enough time to have everybody drink it all and recover from the hangovers in time, so he has the booze loaded up as-is, leading to (B) since he forgot that alcohol would burn on contact with the volcano instead of extinguishing it.
This whole beer/drunk/liquor story line is expanding to your entire parody! 
Having the entire crew drunk while Tolwyn has the Behemoth there is a key to pandoras box of drunk/funny sccenes.
Few suggestions . . . (and keep in mind these are funny to my diseased mind)
1. Techs loading missles on backwards . . .
2. A really long drunk scene with Eisen and Blair when Eisens been relieved of command. Scene complete with mood swings, Eisen's whiskey bottle sloshing everywhere as he's jesturing, crying about it, yelling about it, etc . . <expert>
"Chris" Eisen whimpers, leaning on Blair to stay upright, whiskey bottle in one hand "it's just not fair. The Victory's my ship dammit! I drew the longest straw! She's mine!!!"
Blair starts in "Tolwyns a huge assho-".
"Don't you take his side!" Eisen spits out, sloshing some of the amber liquid out of the bottle.
Blair, staring out the gunnery control window, looks down at his once proud captain, wondering if he could somehow talk Eisen straight, thereby leaving him with that last quarter of the whiskey bottle. Blair licks his lips absentmindedly as he can almost taste the sweet liquid, desperatly wanting a visit from everyones best friend Jack.
Blair, trying to control Eisen,"As long as I'm on board captain, she is your ship."
Eisen begins to gather himself together. "You know something Chris" Eisen says slurring badly, "your an alright guy. In fact, your the best. I love you Chris, I really do. Does everyone hear that!!!" Eisen yells to everyone on board "I love this sonofabitch!" Eisen then staightens up, pulls down on his tunic, gives Blair the 'I'm alright to drive speech, then promptly and smartly throws up on Blair and passes out on the deck, breaking the whiskey bottle.
3. Tolwyn showing up to meetings with no pants . . .
4. Radio Rollins actually scoring . . . (at least getting to third base ). And even worse, Maniac actually scoring.
5. Maniac being the "somber drunk", feeling sorry for himself, and generally crying for the Behemoth rendezvous duration (ties into the getting laid, drunk women seem to sympathize with whining men).
6. Rachel having a "When Harry met Sally. . . " moment with the new Excaliber fighter (she seems to love that thing anyway! )
7. Plenty of strip-poker sessions with Vagabond orchestrating (I can only assume he has Rachel, Flint, and Cobra present, though I can't verify his preference) .
8. Plenty of Hank Williams and Irish drinking songs from Vaquero.
Well there you go (and yes I'm very well aware that they probably get worse as they go down). From the misguided mind of Viper61.
C -ya
Having the entire crew drunk while Tolwyn has the Behemoth there is a key to pandoras box of drunk/funny sccenes. Few suggestions . . . (and keep in mind these are funny to my diseased mind)
1. Techs loading missles on backwards . . .
2. A really long drunk scene with Eisen and Blair when Eisens been relieved of command. Scene complete with mood swings, Eisen's whiskey bottle sloshing everywhere as he's jesturing, crying about it, yelling about it, etc . . <expert>
"Chris" Eisen whimpers, leaning on Blair to stay upright, whiskey bottle in one hand "it's just not fair. The Victory's my ship dammit! I drew the longest straw! She's mine!!!"
Blair starts in "Tolwyns a huge assho-".
"Don't you take his side!" Eisen spits out, sloshing some of the amber liquid out of the bottle.
Blair, staring out the gunnery control window, looks down at his once proud captain, wondering if he could somehow talk Eisen straight, thereby leaving him with that last quarter of the whiskey bottle. Blair licks his lips absentmindedly as he can almost taste the sweet liquid, desperatly wanting a visit from everyones best friend Jack.
Blair, trying to control Eisen,"As long as I'm on board captain, she is your ship."
Eisen begins to gather himself together. "You know something Chris" Eisen says slurring badly, "your an alright guy. In fact, your the best. I love you Chris, I really do. Does everyone hear that!!!" Eisen yells to everyone on board "I love this sonofabitch!" Eisen then staightens up, pulls down on his tunic, gives Blair the 'I'm alright to drive speech, then promptly and smartly throws up on Blair and passes out on the deck, breaking the whiskey bottle.
3. Tolwyn showing up to meetings with no pants . . .
4. Radio Rollins actually scoring . . . (at least getting to third base ). And even worse, Maniac actually scoring.
5. Maniac being the "somber drunk", feeling sorry for himself, and generally crying for the Behemoth rendezvous duration (ties into the getting laid, drunk women seem to sympathize with whining men).
6. Rachel having a "When Harry met Sally. . . " moment with the new Excaliber fighter (she seems to love that thing anyway! )
7. Plenty of strip-poker sessions with Vagabond orchestrating (I can only assume he has Rachel, Flint, and Cobra present, though I can't verify his preference) .
8. Plenty of Hank Williams and Irish drinking songs from Vaquero.
Well there you go (and yes I'm very well aware that they probably get worse as they go down). From the misguided mind of Viper61.
C -ya
here's another
1. techs leaving a rag in a gun after cleaning it
2. techs getting stuck in aeas they should'nt be in, like engine exhausts and assholes
3.The drunk scene's great!
4. eisen slugs tolwin
5.tolwin slugs back
6.both are arrested and blair becomes captian
7.everyone begins to suck up to him
8.the barracks becomes a revenue generating brothel
1. techs leaving a rag in a gun after cleaning it
2. techs getting stuck in aeas they should'nt be in, like engine exhausts and assholes
3.The drunk scene's great!
4. eisen slugs tolwin
5.tolwin slugs back
6.both are arrested and blair becomes captian
7.everyone begins to suck up to him
8.the barracks becomes a revenue generating brothel
Heh.
These are really funny. Thanks for the inspiration.
Anyway, does anybody have ideas for other parts of the story? Maybe the characters have some quirk or obsession we don't@know about yet. Maybe Maniac wears a toupee. Maybe Cobra has a secret crush on Hobbes and is in denial. Maybe Thrakkath has a thing for human females and faked Angel's death so she could be his mistress.
And don't forget the missions. Why should Blackmane be a normal starbase? Maybe an amusement park?
And maybe there are some unusual properties to the Ariel nebula...
Let's hear your ideas!
These are really funny. Thanks for the inspiration.
Anyway, does anybody have ideas for other parts of the story? Maybe the characters have some quirk or obsession we don't@know about yet. Maybe Maniac wears a toupee. Maybe Cobra has a secret crush on Hobbes and is in denial. Maybe Thrakkath has a thing for human females and faked Angel's death so she could be his mistress.
And don't forget the missions. Why should Blackmane be a normal starbase? Maybe an amusement park?
And maybe there are some unusual properties to the Ariel nebula...
Let's hear your ideas!
Rami Sihvo
Spaceman
-Like sniffing stardust would get you high?
-Also it would be fun if Blair begun to wonder where
that music comes from?
-Blair wondering why they have crappy HS missiles on
board when IR costs less and is better.
-Blair getting stuck in elevator
-After alert Blair gets to elevator and arrives to flight deck when
battle is over.
-Cobras knife is about one inch long beacuse she sharpens it
too much.
-Victory having rat problem. Rats have grown about 2m high beacuse radiation and navy rations.
-Behemoth is accidently destroyed by Blair.
-Blair having hallucinations about his fathers ghost telling he to
"use the force"