Touché.
1. Oh never mind, it was just Polish character encoding that made the
a look like an
r. Um, is there meant to be an accent over the
a?
2. There getting worse than a plague of lemmings you know?
5. Well I know I wouldn't feel safe until I
actually landed.
6.
11. Well it's the closest a human can get to a Killie expression. >^.^<
12. I see.
15. You're welcome.
17. Better.
21. Well just try not step
over the edge.
22. But you must admit it was predictable.
23.
Yet,
albeit,
notwithstanding,
nevertheless or
nonetheless could've been better.
24. That's what I'm here for.
25. Well there's no sense multiplying words without reason.
26. The second, since "vast burst" sounds naff.
28. Actually I'd have though of moving the comma to after
either. *shrug* And how did I
know you would take instinct?
29. No. I just think use of a starting
but is only justified for long sentences.
30. Actually I wasn't thinking of intact for the exact same reason - inapropriate. Yes, "in one piece" would be good - very good in fact.
31. Well it better reflects, "So much for trying."
32. No, I don't like their excessive use in semi-formal writing - but the point wasn't getting rid of elipsis, it was to better tie the fact that he stopped mid-strike
to stare at the screen in surprise. Aw heck, it's your story.
33. "Started back" is perfectly alright and better than "started again" in my opinion...Of course that's all it is - an opinion.
34. Oh, it's a system. I thought you meant a ship.
Would it have been more curious if I had said it was your worst chapter to date?
The combat scene was more than
adequate. It was
fitting, mainly due to the feeling of impatience with which they neared the jump point.
About the poetry: In that case, you really need to have a word with those voices in your head - set them straight - let 'em know who's boss.
And Hharak was hardly defenceless - he had claws.