I'm going to post this once and only once.
Reasons Episode 2 was terrible:
1.) It lacked the narrative flow of even Episode 1
Though Episode 2 was arguably more entertaining and better looking, it definitely lacked from a bad narritive case of In media res. Lucas expects us to know these characters from the get go, despite the fact that Anakin is now played by a different actor and most of the scenery and political climate has changed. Where even Episode 1 started with Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan reaching the Trade Federation ship, followed by a linear progression toward an inevitable if not predictable ending, Episode 2 was so badly written it could only be described as "things happen". Yes, they do take consequence in later films, and they are from the effects of Episode 1, but the movie, unto it's self, has absolutely no feet to stand on.
2.) Acting was a measure too poor to be called acting
George Lucas screened 400 boys/men from 18 to 25 to play Anakin and he picked Christianson. Though I don't completely agree with the "whiney" complaint some critics make, I think that he was pretty damned bland at best. Admittedly, almost any actor given that roll is doomed to not live up to it, the odds that there was a better actor in the 399 Lucas screened are pretty damned good. Ewan McGreggor, a very talented actor, looks about as bored as a kid at sunday church as Obi-Wan and Portman, once again, is forced to vomit more bad lines about government.
3.) The editing makes Baby Jesus cry
I'm not going to say a whole lot about this part, as it's too technical to be considered a real flaw. But goddamn, I couldn't help but NOT get excited at the speeder chase during the opening sequence. It's like Lucas taking a SFX frying pan and hitting the audience over the head with it harder than he usually does... but this time, the editing made it really inept. Just how many first-person composite shots can a director allow of a speeder going straight down into night time urban splendor? According to Lucas, too many.
And I can't tell you how much I loved those exposition shots of Jedi posing in the Arena. Again. And again. And again. And again.
4.) Humor
I can understand people disliking Jar-Jar. Really. But in Episode 1, I thought he took second place in annoyance to Jake Lloyd: while Jar-Jar was there for bad comedy, he has no direct affect on the original trilogy, unlike Anakin. But I digress...
Episode 2's Arena battle sequence would've been pretty darn good if it wasn't for the constant and unnessessary one-liners by C-3PO. Lucas dropped one in there every 20 seconds, probably beating whatever record a bad Timothy Dalton James Bond movie made.
I'm sure George Lucas is a funny man, but I'll be damned if he knows anything about a set-up to make a punchline. The humor in Episode 2 is like him sticking a rotten egg in your hand, smashing it and expecting you to laugh.
5.) Yoda
Much like Episode 1, I found the lightsaber fighting at the end of the movie to be an attempt to make the audience like something cool. I mean, come on, we all wanted to see some badass Jedi stuff and it makes sense that Lucas tags it on at the end, so the audience has a reasonably detailed memory of a cool fight over the rest of the tripe he passed off as a movie.
This time around, instead of Darth Maul, it's Yoda. Now, I'm not going to say "CGI Yoda is bullshit" because we all know there is a place for CGI Yoda in the end. I have very mixed emotions about Yoda's fight sequence: the most powerful Jedi resorting to a lightsaber seems to be about the same as the Dhali Lama whipping out a chainsaw to free Tibet. Neither seems right, or seems possible once you know the characters. I have little doubt that Yoda didn't "throw down" with the Sith back in the day, but considering that Yoda is just short of 900 in ESB, I can't see the massive character development in 30 years of Yoda spinning and fighting and flipping to the Yoda saying "Your weapons; you will not need them."
It seems like the ultimate fanboy sacralidge.
Finally...
6.) The Prequel Ideal
The idea of any kind of extension to the Star Wars trilogy was doomed from the get-go. Where Lucas spits drivel about mythos and the "power of legend", he forgets that he has ultimately said everything that needs to be said about "The Epic" (in a grand sense) with the original Trilogy. Going back to make prequels to a "Coming-Of-Age" story is like making a prequel of The Shining: You could do it, you can throw in little hints as to what is going to happen, you can build the character's past (thus destroying what you've already made due to new details) and you could give newer and bigger motivations... but why? Aren't things better left unsaid? Aren't things better left to the imagination of children?
The idea of making further Star Wars movies is like writing the Bible, and then making a sequel detailing the life of Lot's Wife.
In the end, these prequels are turning into bad (pardon the pun) clones of the originals. Theres some danger, good guys fight, almost win... followed by a larger, more immedeate danger, good guys fight, almost win... followed by an even bigger, more immedeate danger, good guys fight, almost win...
What was once the best damned series in film history, is being tainted by it's bullshit half-dreamed second cousin follow-ups. The legend will never die, but it sure as hell can be tainted by bad prequels.
The movie didn't feel like Jango had been forced into it - if Lucas had indeed cut something to put him in, he did a damn good job of it. The Jango & Boba subplot was one of the neatest parts of the movie, I thought.
