WC Poeticaly

AD

Finder of things, Doer of stuff
I dont know if this belongs in the fan fiction forum but here goes:

A single star,
a blinding light
beckons to my mind

It calls my name
my radar is blank
and my wingman trails behind

I lead on, my power
bleeds a trail of crumbs,
toward an unknown entity

What will I find
bathed in the hypnotic stare
of glowing empathy

Like a warm embrace
we drift from the cold
darkness into the end

Time slows but for a second
and the light shifts as through a veil
never to make amends

Burning, a new trail
tastes the wasted morsels
And leads back to me

My wingman is gone
forever and shall I regret
what I was unable to see?

No more in death
do I struggle for what
belonged to no one.

AD - May 10, 2005

I call it: The Strakha's Prey...

Just something I wrote while I had a few moments of quiet thought a couple of minutes ago. It may not be prefect but let me know what you think, or if you have something of your own you want to share.
 

criticalmass

Vice Admiral
Having grown up with classical poetry, I always find it hard to get used to "contemporary" stuff in poems, like cell phones, laptops, cars, planes... - so whatever I say may be largely biased on all that.

Disclaimer aside, I like *parts* of the poem, and I don't like others. The imagery is great, the pace is good, the romantic/ironic (whichever) depiction of a short violent moment is well done.
But the rhythm goes out of sync every few lines, and the lines do not always have the same number of syllabled, which makes it hard to create the kind of "flow" other poems have.

All in all, it's a good start. Keep going - or maybe someone els has something to contribute?
 

AD

Finder of things, Doer of stuff
Honestly, that a pretty fair critique of the technical aspects of my poem, critical mass. In the five minutes that I took to write it I didnt really give any attention to the actually syllable count (although to some degree I altered some of the lines according to how they sounded/flowed). Most of that time was spent as you noticed on the imagery, wording, rhyme and basic structure. Next time I might work out something a little more "classical" in form... We'll see.

Above all, I want people to have fun and conribute some works of their own.
 

Black-Wulf

Spaceman
Nice poem,AD!
But such fan art is not my cup of tea, sry. Mine is 3d modeling, so perhaps I could post some renderings odr meshes in another thread?
 

OM Curator

Museum Curator
Well, *I* thought it was VERY cool--Excellent Work!

I always imagined that the Kilrathi, being the proud race that they are, would entertain each other during feast rituals and such, using poetry of their brave deeds.

After reading this, I envisioned the members of this Kilrathi's hrai sitting round the fire, all growling and purring their approval of their comrade's tale of woe.

Well done!

Joe
 

Bandit LOAF

Long Live the Confederation!
The first pastoral elegy about Blair on Nephele will either be the greatest or the worst thing I ever saw.
 
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