some fanfic for ya


Here's some fanfic i just wrote. I hope you like it. please comment so i can improve..

Chapter 1: The Beginning
Captain Patterson remembered when he would have killed for the inactivity he was now experiencing. Actually in his career as a fighter pilot he frequently did kill and never regretted it. He had flown on Admiral Tolwyn’s flagship the Vesuvius but had managed to avoid a court martial by testifying against his old friend. Now it seemed fate had returned the favour. The day he took command of the Protector was the highlight of his career. A brand new Vesuvius class mega-carrier. Of course now it was a mere escort carrier with the new Midway class super carriers steadily making their way into service. He had always dreamed of commanding the flagship of the fleet and making a name for himself but now he was in his fifties and this run down near-obsolete cap ship would probably be his last command. He envied his comrades on the front lines. Apparently this latest encounter with the aliens code named the “Nephilum” was turning out to be quite adventurous. Unfortunately the action was taking place in the McLean system. Almost outside of explored space so it would take him several months to see any action. He was ordered to maintain orbit around Jupiter as the leader of the outer-planetary defense force. Many would envy the power this gave him over the outer colonies but he would much rather be in the front lines. If he ever did see an alien in this command it would be a heavily diminished force trying to make a last ditch effort to inflict damage on Earth. He often had the feeling that many of his crew felt the same way. Crew efficiency was down 40% according to his security officer. He would usually be concerned about this but his duties only concerned some pirates and petty thieves.

The last time he had ordered fighters to be launched was when ships sensors mistakenly reported an alien dreadnought jumping into the system. It was in fact the newest addition to the fleet, the TCS Avalon. The Midway class ship had just been constructed in the Ella system and was still without crew. It was known for such a huge ship to go unused for up to a year while 7000 crew assignments were debated among Confed. He was still secretly praying to earn that command.

“Captain” his communications officer Rollins was almost as old as he was. Patterson wondered why he was not second in command by now. “Captain we’re receiving a communication from Confed Headquarters. It heavily encrypted... It’s for your eyes only sir.” Rollins was naturally suspicious of overly encrypted communiqués and for that matter he was suspicious of everything. Patterson suspected it was the reason he had not advanced much over the years. “Put it through to my quarters Rollins”. Patterson was unnecessarily harsh in that order but he was slightly depressed at the state of his career. Rollins did nothing but nod and let out a grunt while Patterson departed the bridge. The small comfort that kept Patterson slightly satisfied with his ship was the fact that the designer had known to keep the captains quarters close to the bridge. Patterson was grateful for that. As a captain they were the two most commonly visited venues. As he entered his quarters he tapped the small touch pad on the side of the door to turn on the light. The activity in the room automatically engaged a retina scan to confirm the person in the room was the captain. Once the scan had completed the holo-emitter lit up and projected an image of Senator Taggart. The hologram spoke in a thick Scottish accent with an urgent tone. “We’re getting unsettling readings from our outpost on Hephestus. Our station there stopped transmitting approximately three days ago but before we lost transmission we detected several large alien craft. Much larger than we’ve detected in the past. It is our belief that there is a large alien fleet massing there and constructing another wormhole directly to Sol. If they succeed we will undoubtedly fall. For this reason we are giving you command of the TCS Avalon, a Midway class mega-carrier. Due to the sensitivity of this assignment we have refitted the Avalon with a industrial cloaking device. Your assignment is to lake a small fleet of carriers and cruisers to Hephestus and determine the source of the readings, then destroy whatever you find. Here is a list of the spacecraft you will be commanding:” Beside Taggart a list of confederation spacecraft appeared accompanied by pictures. Patterson recognized the Hades class cruisers. There were twelve in total including the recently refitted TCS Cerberus. He recognized the three Midway class mega-carriers that appeared as well. The TCS Midway, TCS Avalon and the TCS Valerie. Along the other vessels were several powerful Plunkett class cruisers and a Murphy class destroyer. Then a new vessel flashed on the display of a class Patterson did not recognize. “The vessel you are seeing is a new prototype code named the Dragonfire Dreadnought. It is too big to cloak by ordinary means so it has three cloaking devices spread evenly inside the ship as to completely conceal the ship. These are you mission objectives. You will keep your current crew and they will be transferred to the Avalon at 1900 hours tomorrow. Good luck.” With that the hologram blinked out. Patterson couldn’t help but let out a sigh of relief. “Finally. Some action.”

[This message has been edited by Bellend (edited July 23, 2000).]
1) "Your assignment is to lake a small fleet of carriers..." 'lake'?

2) "There were twelve in total..." does not comprise a small fleet.

3) Senator Taggart - a senator has the authority to send out a fleet? That is for the Executive & Confed HQ, is it not?

Bellend: Good start.

Turn me loose, Colonel.
This is what I live for!

[This message has been edited by JoeyRP (edited July 24, 2000).]
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Acting on behalf of the Senate and checking out on Confed military activity is within their bounds, but handing command over a fleet w/ 3 carriers is definitely an Executive prerogative!
Just my thoughts, really.

Turn me loose, Colonel.
This is what I live for!
yeh alright. i'll probably change that in the final version that will go on my site. who do you think may have that authority? What about that admiral kavazos (sp?) from the secret ops intro?
Cavazos is a Governor, not an Admiral. The only Admiral to appear in SO is Admiral Lita Rayak.

Note: I wouldn't want to offend you, but I have no plans to comment on your story. I hate "superweapon" stories with a passion.
ok, so which would have the authority to send out a fleet a governor or the admiral? By the way, there are no superweapons in this story. just a dreadnought. it has weaknesses such as the need for several cloaking devices. read the next couple of chapters to see how this turns out.
The Admiral.

I don't think you understand - it HAS cloaking devices. That makes it a superweapon.
I mean, it's like saying that Achilles wasn't a superhero because his heel wasn't invulnerable - all very nice in theory, but until the Gods decided to off him, he WAS essentially invincible.
so you think the dragon was a superweapon? or in star trek is a klingon bird of prey a superweapon? a cloaking device doesn't make a superweapon..
oh right sorry, i just got what you were saying. it's far from invunerable with a cloaking device.. check the main fanfic board in a second for some more chapters..