Lt.Overload
Rear Admiral
Has anyone here had their parents divorce? Or has anyone here had a divorce? My parents wanna divorce and I'm emotionally unwell now.
Divorces
- Thread starter Lt.Overload
- Start date
Drizzt Do Urden
Spaceman
I'm sorry to hear that. I hope they can work things out.
frostytheplebe
Seventh Part of the Seal
I'd say the impact really depends on age. If you are young, and I mean like 5-15, its sucks big time. The custody battle's drama, Social services, its a mess. 16-21 not as bad, I mean yeah you lose the comfort of having the one staple that you have one safe an secure home you can go to when all else fails. Having even that fail can suck... but at that point, most have a license and/or car so they can chose who to spend time with. My folks have been considering it for about 5 years now and it looks like its going forward. I'm the oldest of three and my little sister is the only one who legitimately lives at home. My brother is in college, and is never home, plus he has an apartment with friends, I bought a house about 2 years ago, so it really isn't a very big issue. If I want to spend time with either, I'll go where i chose.
It's never fun or easy and everyone usually suffers because of it, but it does get easier and sometimes gets better. I mean take a look at your parents, are they really happy right now? Probably not, if they're considering this. You'll feel a larger sense of relief once the initial shock of the split is over... if either of them starts dating on the other hand... that's a whole other can of worms. If some tart my dad starts dating thinks I'm EVER calling her Mom, that woman's life instantaneously becomes a living hell.
It's never fun or easy and everyone usually suffers because of it, but it does get easier and sometimes gets better. I mean take a look at your parents, are they really happy right now? Probably not, if they're considering this. You'll feel a larger sense of relief once the initial shock of the split is over... if either of them starts dating on the other hand... that's a whole other can of worms. If some tart my dad starts dating thinks I'm EVER calling her Mom, that woman's life instantaneously becomes a living hell.
Mace
Vice Admiral
There are lot of relationships ending, but this is normally stressfull on the kids. Ofcourse it depends on the circomstances but a divorce is an even bigger step then marriage was in the first place. Imagine having to live in your house where your mother and father do not like each other anymore and forcefully live together, keeping up appearances(I have seen this happen a lot these days). Unless there is ome sort of custody issue or financial responsibility you can still contact each of your parents or come up to them whenever you want to.
Heh seem to be the lucky one here. My parents Separeted when I was about 2 I think, and then Divorced some time later but this was in fact a formallity (no custody or wealth battles whatsoever), So I really Don't remember the time when they were really together.
The bright side is, that if they stayed together, they would probably come to hate each other, and change both their and my life into hell (I saw situations like this happen). frostytheplebe has a point here about daiting though - that's whole another thing. While I have - well - acceptable/good relations with my father (now worsend since he moved to Austarlia), I REALLY REALLY CAN'T stand that bitch, his current partner. (but still it's not only me, few of myy friends met her, and can't stand her too). To the point of actually considering ways to murder her.
The bright side is, that if they stayed together, they would probably come to hate each other, and change both their and my life into hell (I saw situations like this happen). frostytheplebe has a point here about daiting though - that's whole another thing. While I have - well - acceptable/good relations with my father (now worsend since he moved to Austarlia), I REALLY REALLY CAN'T stand that bitch, his current partner. (but still it's not only me, few of myy friends met her, and can't stand her too). To the point of actually considering ways to murder her.
Lt.Overload
Rear Admiral
Bandit LOAF
Long Live the Confederation!
If you will forgive me the rare serious post.
I believe that the most difficult thing to accept here is that there is nothing you can do. While the decision will affect your life in innumerable ways, it's something you have no say in--at all. That's an incredibly uncomfortable position for any human being to be in and, in all likelyhood, it's something your parents haven't stepped away from their own problems to consider yet. The best thing you can do is work past that; strive to support your parents, to accept their decision and to avoid holding grudges wherever possible. It won't dull the pain or make the process any easier... but it will make the future better; if nothing else, you will be able to turn inward to yourself and remember that you did the right thing when faced with a great problem, which is no small consolation in bad times.
You can't choose your family; remember that that is an axiom: it applies to everyone here and everyone you will ever meet. You can choose everyone else in your life, though, and I'll stand right up and say this for everyone: our great community would be happy to be counted among your friends, as much as you would like. Yes, sometimes we're narrow-minded, foul-mouthed jerks... but at heart everyone who posts here, who chats in the IRC, who does whatever else we do, is a kind person at heart who has the capacity to care about your problems--no matter how insurmountable or insignificant you may feel they are. No matter what happens, you have a home here as a Wing Commander fan--so don't take it too seriously when we're at each other's throats.
Anyway: remember, through everything, the ancient expression: and this, too, shall pass away.
Now lets go back to arguing about continuity, cracking jokes and making fun of Freespace...
I believe that the most difficult thing to accept here is that there is nothing you can do. While the decision will affect your life in innumerable ways, it's something you have no say in--at all. That's an incredibly uncomfortable position for any human being to be in and, in all likelyhood, it's something your parents haven't stepped away from their own problems to consider yet. The best thing you can do is work past that; strive to support your parents, to accept their decision and to avoid holding grudges wherever possible. It won't dull the pain or make the process any easier... but it will make the future better; if nothing else, you will be able to turn inward to yourself and remember that you did the right thing when faced with a great problem, which is no small consolation in bad times.
You can't choose your family; remember that that is an axiom: it applies to everyone here and everyone you will ever meet. You can choose everyone else in your life, though, and I'll stand right up and say this for everyone: our great community would be happy to be counted among your friends, as much as you would like. Yes, sometimes we're narrow-minded, foul-mouthed jerks... but at heart everyone who posts here, who chats in the IRC, who does whatever else we do, is a kind person at heart who has the capacity to care about your problems--no matter how insurmountable or insignificant you may feel they are. No matter what happens, you have a home here as a Wing Commander fan--so don't take it too seriously when we're at each other's throats.
Anyway: remember, through everything, the ancient expression: and this, too, shall pass away.
Now lets go back to arguing about continuity, cracking jokes and making fun of Freespace...
frostytheplebe
Seventh Part of the Seal
cracking jokes and making fun of Freespace...
Didn't you kill that argument off a long time ago with the banning of all the freespace jerkholes?
I will say this though, worst case scenario happened to my roommate. He divorced his wife and had to pay child support for 4 years only to find out... he was physically incapable of having children. So the kid he'd already paid all that support on is not even his. Did that matter to the court? Nope, they ruled he still had to pay for this kid while the real father got off.
Mjr. Whoopass
<FONT color=lightblue><B>I was going to say someth
Sorry to hear that Lt. Overload. That's terrible, but hopefully you know it's not your fault. With around 45 divorces for every 100 marriages each year in the US, you can be sure you're not alone. Even though you're not feeling well, if you ever once in your life felt joyful, that means you will again.
If you didn't feel emotionally unwell while going through that, then I would be much more concerned for you. What you're feeling is certainly appropriate and is a healthy reaction. I'll say a prayer for you and your family.
If you didn't feel emotionally unwell while going through that, then I would be much more concerned for you. What you're feeling is certainly appropriate and is a healthy reaction. I'll say a prayer for you and your family.
Sphynx
Commodore
I know I have not posted here for a long time (I visit frequently but have not had time to post). I just want to strongly agree with everything that LOAF said, even though I am one of those guys who also likes Freespace. The other piece of advice I would give is to avoid doing anything to get caught up in the middle. In divorces, sometimes there is a strong pull to take sides. I have a friend who was practically rewarded by each parent for cussing the other out. Whatever the temptation may be to get caught up in that, don't do it. It will tear you apart.
Right now, you need to take care of yourself and recognize you need some time to think and feel in a safe way. That doesn't mean numbing yourself out. Stay away from the weed and the booze, that won't help. Odds are that will only make things worse. Find people who care, spend time with them, and stay out of the divorce. Don't give up on your relationship with each of your parents, but let them know you are not interested in hearing any trash talking.
Listen to yourself, to what you really need. When you need a friend, talk to a friend. When you need to cry, cry. When you need a distraction, find one, but chose one that won't hurt you or other people. When you have questions, ask them. When you need time alone, take it. Listen, really listen to yourself. And when people offer help, don't be afraid to accept it. You have my sympathies. You will make it through this as long as you don't give up. There will be bad days, and I doubt you will ever be happy that this happened, but things will get better.
You are not losing any relationships here, the relationships are just realigning. Remember that. There will be changes, but people are adaptive. Focus on what you can control, and chose wisely those things that are yours to choose.
The other piece of advice I would give is to avoid doing anything to get caught up in the middle. In divorces, sometimes there is a strong pull to take sides. I have a friend who was practically rewarded by each parent for cussing the other out. Whatever the temptation may be to get caught up in that, don't do it. It will tear you apart. Right now, you need to take care of yourself and recognize you need some time to think and feel in a safe way. That doesn't mean numbing yourself out. Stay away from the weed and the booze, that won't help. Odds are that will only make things worse. Find people who care, spend time with them, and stay out of the divorce. Don't give up on your relationship with each of your parents, but let them know you are not interested in hearing any trash talking.
Listen to yourself, to what you really need. When you need a friend, talk to a friend. When you need to cry, cry. When you need a distraction, find one, but chose one that won't hurt you or other people. When you have questions, ask them. When you need time alone, take it. Listen, really listen to yourself. And when people offer help, don't be afraid to accept it. You have my sympathies. You will make it through this as long as you don't give up. There will be bad days, and I doubt you will ever be happy that this happened, but things will get better.
You are not losing any relationships here, the relationships are just realigning. Remember that. There will be changes, but people are adaptive. Focus on what you can control, and chose wisely those things that are yours to choose.
Mace
Vice Admiral
It was pretty odd that a lot you guys said what came to mind, but a lot of us guys think alike it seems, and respond in thesame way. And damnit, I could have been the father to this kid!
Still i would consider it a great comfort to know that someone who is a lot younger, turned to this community for advise, he was like 3 years old when wing commander prophecy came out? It would take a lot no doubt to come here and discuss it with "friends", but i doubt this is the best place to ask for advice. And now I feel fourhundred years old.
If the kid lived overhere then he would have my invitation to break his heart, anyday, over a few portions of arena(I'm seeking to hook up my last-edition 360 elite, so it needs a testdrive), anyone in his neighbourhood look him up, he needs someone to talk to and can't spill his guts with his parents.
Still i would consider it a great comfort to know that someone who is a lot younger, turned to this community for advise, he was like 3 years old when wing commander prophecy came out? It would take a lot no doubt to come here and discuss it with "friends", but i doubt this is the best place to ask for advice. And now I feel fourhundred years old.
If the kid lived overhere then he would have my invitation to break his heart, anyday, over a few portions of arena(I'm seeking to hook up my last-edition 360 elite, so it needs a testdrive), anyone in his neighbourhood look him up, he needs someone to talk to and can't spill his guts with his parents.
AD
Finder of things, Doer of stuff
Your sentiments are all good so I imagine that this is a language difference... Usually breaking someones heart is a *bad* thing... I don't imagine you are inviting him oversees for a gay tryst. I think you mean 'pour out his heart' which means to reveal ones feelings.
if you're in your teens you're gonna do substantially better than most, toddlers and young children definitely suffer more - my brother was two when my parents split - he never remembers having a father at home.
The thing to remember is that a) it isnt your fault and b) no matter what your parents still love you, so if you need to talk to them then do so. Or talk to a grandparent.
If one side has effectively run off with someone else then hopefully they (parent and new partner) will realise that you dont want someone barging in telling you to think of them as your new mother/father - it's not going to help. At the same time, the parent will probably be hurt if you just reject them outright so both sides need to tread carefully!
Finally, at your age the custody battle is a moot point in some respects, while deciding who you live with may seem important - in two years time you will have a car/licence and can visit your other parent when you wish and in 4 years you'll go to college.
On a more mercenary note, consider this, both parents want to be in your good-books, this can definitely be to your advantage especially in terms of getting to college and getting stuff when going there!
I agree with those who said that you need to talk to someone, friends who are cold are no good for that, and frankly we're a little detached from you, talk to parents and family members - dont get too introverted and spend too much time online!
The thing to remember is that a) it isnt your fault and b) no matter what your parents still love you, so if you need to talk to them then do so. Or talk to a grandparent.
If one side has effectively run off with someone else then hopefully they (parent and new partner) will realise that you dont want someone barging in telling you to think of them as your new mother/father - it's not going to help. At the same time, the parent will probably be hurt if you just reject them outright so both sides need to tread carefully!
Finally, at your age the custody battle is a moot point in some respects, while deciding who you live with may seem important - in two years time you will have a car/licence and can visit your other parent when you wish and in 4 years you'll go to college.
On a more mercenary note, consider this, both parents want to be in your good-books, this can definitely be to your advantage especially in terms of getting to college and getting stuff when going there!
I agree with those who said that you need to talk to someone, friends who are cold are no good for that, and frankly we're a little detached from you, talk to parents and family members - dont get too introverted and spend too much time online!
I feel with you. Hope that the situation works out for you and that you dont suffer too much.
All the talk about divorce, makes me a bit melancholic. But probably I should lighten up and look forward to my marriage in two weeks, hope we wont break up (at least thats what we are promising each other).
All the talk about divorce, makes me a bit melancholic. But probably I should lighten up and look forward to my marriage in two weeks, hope we wont break up (at least thats what we are promising each other).
frostytheplebe
Seventh Part of the Seal
Do NOT do this. Aside from being mean, it can, and will drive a wedge between you and your parents, and definitely will put even a bigger barrier between the two. Even joking about this isn't really cool.