Smile... :-)

mpanty

mpanty

Keen Commander
EXCUSES

A Confed pilot from the Victory was on a routine patrol with his Hellcat in the Ariel system. The shields were up, the ion engine was functioning perfectly, he was cruising just fine.

In an instant however, he saw 5 red blips on his radar screen, KILRATHI FIGHTERS!
"There's no way they can catch a Hellcat", he
thought to himself and hit the afterburners. The speed read 1000 kps, his AB must be malfunctioning... the enemy ships closed on him!!!

Seeing he had no chance, he decided to surrender!

Pleading and begging to his hunters, he managed to convince them to something.

The Kilrathi wingleader's face appeared on his right VDU:
"It's been a long day, this is the end of my shift and it's Friday the 13th. I don't feel like wasting anymore missiles, so if you can give me an excuse for us to let you live that I haven't heard before, you're free to go"

The Confed pilot thinks for a second and says, "Last week Maniac ran off the Victory. I was afraid you were trying to give him back!"

"Have a nice weekend", said the Kilrathi.
 
Chris: Hey, LOAF, you hear that the Kilrathi nuked another planet?
LOAF: Are you Sirius?

What can you say about people who ask what happened to Stingray after SO2?
They're still looking for Mister Wright.


*RIMSHOT*
 
Originally posted by Bandit LOAF
(...)
What can you say about people who ask what happened to Stingray after SO2?
They're still looking for Mister Wright.

*RIMSHOT*
Click to expand...


I don't get it... (I know that Stingray's name was Dirk Wright)

[Edited by Mekt-Hakkikt on 04-09-2001 at 18:00]
 
Women often are said to be looking for "Mr. Right."

Mr Right is good looking, rich, thoughtful, ready for commitment, etc. Since Wright and Right have the same pronounciation in English, hence the joke
 
Originally posted by Bandit LOAF
Chris: Hey, LOAF, you hear that the Kilrathi nuked another planet?
LOAF: Are you Sirius?

What can you say about people who ask what happened to Stingray after SO2?
They're still looking for Mister Wright.

*RIMSHOT*
Click to expand...
Mmmmhh...

Does anyone else have other Wing Commander "jokes"? :D
 
Why not? Are they so bad? I like bad humour. Even if it goes about me. But maybe if the joke about Maniac would have been part of the story: If I were the Captain of the Victory the Kilrathi could have had Maniac...in that situation I'd say, I am happy I don't have to go along with him any more...you can have him...poor cats...*LOL*
 
I've got one for ya.

"Major Todd Marshal callsign Man..."
"You're name is TODD, HAHAHAHAHAHAHA"
"It's not funny" And then maniac goes and cries.


And another.
"Lt. Lance Casey, my friends call me Casey"
"Maybe thats because Lance is such a stupid name!"
 
I always preferred the

"If you die, can we have your stuff?"
"You can go to hell."

Three kilrathi walk into a bar. One orders a drink and the bartender says "We don't server your kind here," so the kilrathi killed him.

HAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Erm, sorry.
 
I liked that one TyeDyeBoy. <g>
Hmm, that reminds me of a real WC joke:
Once a friendly spacefaring race visited Kilrah and offered friendship, trade and peace. They showed the Kilrathi how to build spaceships and use jumppoints.Then the Kilrathi slaughtered them. Hahahaha.
Now that's real Kilrathi humour.

[Edited by Mekt-Hakkikt on 04-11-2001 at 17:14]
 
Borrowed from the ever popular Monty Python:

A customer enters a pet shop.

Customer: 'Ello, I wish to register a complaint.

(The owner does not respond.)

C: 'Ello, Miss?

Owner: What do you mean "miss"?

C: (pause) I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to register a complaint!

O: We're closin' for lunch.

C: Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this Kilrathi what I purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique.

O: Oh yes, the, uh, the Kilrathi...What's,uh...What's wrong with it?

C: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. 'E's dead, that's what's wrong with it!

O: No, no, 'e's uh,...he's resting.

C: Look, matey, I know a dead kat when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.

O: No no he's not dead, he's, he's restin'! Remarkable animal, the Kilrathi, idn'it, ay? Beautiful fur!

C: The fur don't enter into it. It's stone dead.

O: Nononono, no, no! 'E's resting!

C: All right then, if he's restin', I'll wake him up! (shouting at the cage) 'Ello, Mister Kat! I've got a lovely fresh cuttle fish for you if you show...(owner hits the cage)

O: There, he moved!

C: No, he didn't, that was you hitting the cage!

O: I never!!

C: Yes, you did!

O: I never, never did anything...

C: (yelling and hitting the cage repeatedly) 'ELLO KITTY!!!!! Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your nine o'clock alarm call!

(Takes Kilrathi out of the cage and thumps its head on the counter. )

C: Now that's what I call a dead kat.

O: No, no.....No, 'e's stunned!

C: STUNNED?!?

O: Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was wakin' up! Kilrathi stun easily, major.

C: Um...now look...now look, mate, I've definitely 'ad enough of this. That kat is definitely deceased, and when I purchased it not 'alf an hour ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to it bein' tired and shagged out following a prolonged battle.

O: Well, he's...he's, ah...probably pining for the arakh.

C: PININ' for the ARAKH?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?, look, why did he fall flat on his back the moment I got 'im home?

O: The Kilrathi prefers keepin' on it's back! Remarkable kat, id'nit, squire? Lovely fur!

C: Look, I took the liberty of examining that kat when I got it home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been sitting upright in the first place was that it had been NAILED there.

(pause)

O: Well, o'course it was nailed there! If I hadn't nailed that bird down, it would have nuzzled up to those bars, bent 'em apart with its claws, and VOOM! Feeweeweewee!

C: "VOOM"?!? Mate, this kat wouldn't "voom" if you put four million volts through it! 'E's bleedin' demised!

O: No no! 'E's pining!

C: 'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This kat is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im upright 'e'd be pushing up the daisies! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig! 'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile!!He's f*ckin' snuffed it!..... THIS IS AN EX-KAT!!

(pause)

O: Well, I'd better replace it, then.

(he takes a quick peek behind the counter)

O: Sorry squire, I've had a look 'round the back of the shop, and uh, we're right out of kilrathi.

C: I see. I see, I get the picture.

O: (pause) I got a bug.

(pause)

C: Pray, does it talk?

O: Nnnnot really.

C: WELL IT'S HARDLY A BLOODY REPLACEMENT, IS IT?!!???!!?

O: Well! I never wanted to do this in the first place. I wanted to be... A LUMBERJACK!





Hehehe.
 
What a nice effort, Tye... :)

D'you think you can make a similar one with a scene from The Life of Brian? :D
 
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