Any feedback...? I'm thinking of writing an original novella sometime and would like feedback on my attempt at writing.
I just stole a few minutes from work just to read your short. First of all I am glad to see that you've spent some of your spare time for Wing Commander. Both WC and this community needs something freshly new from time to time to keep the spirits up. Therefore, well done even for the attempt. I am not a writer and although I've made my attempts to write a few articles or stories for this forum I am surely not qualified to tell you that everything I am thinking about your work is correct, they are just my sincere thoughts.
So, let me get straight to my point.
I like short stories since they are fast rewarding but ultimately because they are not obliged to get into much detail for the surroundings or, in may situations, the characteristics of the hero himself. Now here is the trick! Not getting into much detail doesn't necessarily means that the story or the characters do not deserve to have some depth. For example, Minority Report (this what just came to my mind right now) is a short story written by Philip K. Dick and is about 14000 words. The only personal information you know about the hero is that he is a middle aged married man and he is the head of a police division. The rest of the details are left to the readers fantasy since they wouldn't affect the story outcome.
Your story is about 5000 words and you have attempted to fit inside this short space everything that you liked in the universe of Privateer plus a whole new race without leaving much space to make some deeper plot or if your story is more action concentrated to give a little more gravity on the space fighting scenes let's say. It was easy to fall into that mistake since your guide to write this story was a typical bounty mission that every and each one of us flew dozens of times with our newly bought Centurion. All the Privateerish details bring to the WC fan reader great memories but they must be wrapped inside a great story or very interesting character/s or a series of great battles etc. Depending, of course, on what you are writing about.
If this is one of your firsts, it is great because you passed the milestone of 5000 words which is not easy.
Regardless of my personal thoughts, nice attempt!
Keep in mind that writing a novella moves you a step towards professionalism. You should consider carefully the following points: