LOAF is the man.

Shipgate said:
What's a Loaf?

1) LOAF is America's greatest hero.
2) LOAF won the nobel prize for hat wearing in 1907.
3) LOAF is 50 percent water -- that's less water than you!
4) LOAF sees everything in terms of black & white & orange.
5) If LOAF were a flavor, the only flavor would be GRAPE!
6) LOAF smells like a highlighter pen... and is twice as handsome!
7) LOAF has caused more helicopter incidents than any other nation!
8) LOAF supports the Force Feedback movement!
9) LOAF once killed a hippie... and ate it.
10) If LOAF were a bag, he would be the bag you put Tasty-Cakes in.
11) LOAF knows more about seals than you.
12) LOAF's favorite flavor of gum is no gum at all!
13) LOAF keeps all his pencils sharpened... with the power of the lord!
14) LOAF loses 52 percent of his quality when encoded into realmedia formats!
15) LOAF has never made a viagra joke!
16) LOAF was once elected president of drainage ditch 145... by default.
17) LOAF killed himself a bear... when he was only three times its size.
18) LOAF can make liquid into balls... and balls into liquids.
19) LOAF is the worlds 177th highest source of good vibrations.
20) LOAF lost both his legs in Korea... and got them back in Viet-nam.
21) LOAF once wore a bandana... for six days.
22) LOAF hopes to order pizza over the internet.
23) LOAF often adds the letter 'i' or 'e' before things with no regard for common sense.
 
Everything old is new again!

But let this be a lesson to you! Always remember never to do whatever it was that you did. Eating colorful tropical birds, I think.
 
Maniac: "Hey, going hand to paw with you furballs is my idea of a good time."
Kilrathi: "Then you've obviously never done it."
 
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