Alright, Privateer fans, buckle up for a light-speed roast of your retro space obsession, served with a side of humor:
1. You’re still rocking a joystick older than most TikTok users, swearing it’s the *only* way to fly your pixelated Tarsus.
2. You’ve spent more credits upgrading your virtual ship’s lasers than you have on your actual Wi-Fi router.
3. Your dream vacation? A one-way ticket to the Gemini Sector, where you’d haggle over ore prices like it’s a Black Friday sale.
4. You think “epic romance” is flirting with the bartender at New Detroit for a mission tip, then getting ghosted by a Kilrathi ambush.
5. You’ve got a PhD in dodging asteroid fields, but still can’t parallel park without bumping the car behind you.
6. You name-dropped “Righteous Fire” in a job interview, thinking it’s a personality trait, not a DLC from 1994.
7. Your wardrobe is just 20 identical flight jackets, because you’re “cosplaying” as a Privateer pilot… every day.
8. You’ve memorized every jump point in the game but forgot your mom’s birthday because you were “mid-trade run.”
9. You argue your Orion could take on a Star Destroyer, then cry when a single pirate Talon scratches your paint job.
10. You’re still petitioning EA for a Privateer reboot, holding candlelight vigils outside their HQ with a 486 DX2 PC as your altar.
Keep chasing those space bucks, you lovable retro rogues!
