Golly gosh - I say good sirs, what in the devil is this strange game you colonial types have concocted? Football? You mean to say you've taken the name of the beautiful game and introduced helmets, padding and new rules? I'm jolly peeved, we give you a perfectly good and globally loved sport and you disregard it in favour of this...armoured rugby. I'll be jolly well writing a strongly worded letter of complaint to the colonial governor about this.