Worst movie, ever.

Discussion in 'Off-topic Zone' started by Starkey, Oct 15, 2002.

  1. Starkey

    Starkey Avenging Rooster

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    What is the worst movie you have ever seen? To me, it was "Battlefield Earth". Below is a review which expresses my feelings for that movie:

    About 5 minutes into the movie I found that my jaw had dropped to my lap and the onslaught of incomprehensible badness just wouldn't pause even for a brief moment to allow me to secure my jaw back in place. Battlefield Earth provoked me like no cinematic experience ever has. The intricate matrix behind the weave of negative energy, the sheer vastness of it, had triggered a physical response.

    Then it struck me: How many movies have tried and failed to trigger such a response? I've been exposed to so much strong, thought-provoking, heartfelt human drama, and felt so much that I wanted to scream, but I've always managed to tether if not the emotional response, then at least the physical. But Battlefield Earth made me scream in agony. The dimensions of its torturous badness are simply incomprehensible. It truly IS the worst movie ever made and that is an important landmark.

    Plan 9 From Outer Space, Glen or Glenda, Jail Bait, Bride of the Monster - they're bad, oh man they're bad, but the make you giggle. Battlefield Earth is bad in a scary way. It had $22M and serious studio and distribution backing it. Every nauseating 45 degree tilted shot (i.e. 95% of the movie), every inexplicably drawn out dramatic slo-mo action shot of non-dramatic non-action, the demise of a wooden cow, every cringeworthy piece of dialogue, every gaping black hole of plot antimatter... is for REAL. Planned, executed, approved and widely distributed. They wanted you to see this sculpture of crusty snot.

    The bad guys in this movie, the Psychlos, fail miserably to convey evil. But the movie as a whole is shockingly successful in conveying it; This pitiful movie is the essence of pure evil. It invokes vertigo, nausea and pain like no theme park will. It is the ultimate bad experience. All artistic merits herein are immeasurable even on a negative scale.


    In the beggining of the movie I thought "well, an awful start, but it will get better at some point." But it never did. In fact, it got worse, and worse, so bad that until they showed up those fighter jets I was still confident that something good would happen, because they couldnĀ“t have made such a horrible movie, I thought. My g/f likes sci-fi movies and she fell asleep 20 minutes into the movie. I was disgusted and I could see that the other viewers couldnĀ“t believe that they actually paid to watch that. In the end, people at first were silent, in utter disbelief, but soon got up shouting and cursing Travolta. It was SAD.
     
  2. LeHah

    LeHah 212 Squadron - "The Old Man's Eyes And Ears"

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    I watched Battlefield Earth on top of the elementary school across the street from me. We plugged the TV into the AC system. I think I was drunk at the time.

    Man, that movie was bad. No redeeming qualities. "Crap-lousy ceiling!"

    That movie aside, a list comes to mind: Blair Witch 2, Dungeons And Dragons ("NOW! ...Is Your TIME... TO DIE!"), Anything with Adam Sandler, Charlie's Angels, Titan AE, Bless The Child, The Patriot, The Fast And The Furious, Alien: Resurrection, Batman & Robin, Resident Evil, X-Men, All the Highlander movies, esp Endgame, Josie And The Pussycats...
     
  3. TopGun

    TopGun Vampire Ace

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    I refuse to even watch Battlefield: Earth
     
  4. LeHah

    LeHah 212 Squadron - "The Old Man's Eyes And Ears"

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    Much like "The Exorcist" or "Requiem For A Dream", a person must see "Battlefield Earth" once just to say they saw it.
     
  5. Millzy

    Millzy Guest

    Requiem For A Dream was a good movie... messed up but a good movie... i'm pleased to say that i have never seen Battlefield Earth, nor do i plan to.... now Meet Joe Black... now that was a terrible movie...
     
  6. Mav23

    Mav23 Swabbie
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    I'm surprised Batman & Robin hasn't popped it's ugly head yet. Usually that's one of the first to come to debate on worst movies ever.

    Edit: Oops, I missed LeHah's comment. Well then, I'm still surprised this isn't the movie that this thread was about.
     
  7. Trelane

    Trelane On my way to court in a suit and a tie

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    Either "Tank Girl" or "The Time Machine," both were really bad but for different reasons.

    Also, I was bored last Saturday and I watched "40 Days and 40 Nights" on the campus movie channel, that was pretty awful too.
     
  8. Mav23

    Mav23 Swabbie
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    Yeah, but at least 40 days and nights has hot girls in it. :)

    And I actually do remember seeing the beginning of "Tank Girl" on Comedy Central. That was god awful crap.
     
  9. Wedge009

    Wedge009 Rogue Leader

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    I know it's only LeHah, but I liked these. Or at least didn't mind them.
     
  10. Mav23

    Mav23 Swabbie
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    X-Men was awesome.
     
  11. Wedge009

    Wedge009 Rogue Leader

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    Jean Grey, Xenia Onatopp. Jean, Xenia, Jean, Xenia... so different, yet the same! I was very impressed! :) Same for Magneto and Gandalf (Ian McKellen), actually, I think all the characters were well cast.
     
  12. Frosty

    Frosty a full fledged GF

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    Titan A.E. is the shit.
     
  13. Mav23

    Mav23 Swabbie
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    AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH. I hate it when people say that!!! Next you'll be saying that X-Men was "DECENT!!!". :eek:
     
  14. TopGun

    TopGun Vampire Ace

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    X-Men ROCKED!!!!!!:p
     
  15. Excelsis

    Excelsis Spaceman

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    Battlefield Earth - I liked the book and was SO disappointed

    What dreams may come - WHATEVER POSSESSED ME TO WATCH IT I WILL NEVER KNOW!!!

    Sphere - I'm still trying to figure it out

    Mission to Mars - Could have been good

    Red Planet - Just out and out dumb

    Titan A.E. - Spent all the money for the SCRIPT on graphics instead

    Cast away - Yeah great movie to sleep through

    And Many Many More, that I am still trying to forget.
     
  16. TopGun

    TopGun Vampire Ace

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    Santa Claus: The Movie, fine when you were a Kid, but Awful when you're older
     
  17. Preacher

    Preacher Swabbie
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    Last I knew, "Mystery Science Theater 3000" (MST3K) only lampooned old B&W bad movies; and only sci-fi ones at that.

    ...Maybe if they opened up their format to modern, color, non-scifi movies, we could see Mike & the 'bots tear 'em up (some of those mentioned in this thread) like a big dog!!!...
     
  18. Bandit LOAF

    Bandit LOAF Long Live the Confederation!

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    MST3K lampooned (the show is no more) whatever they could get their hands on -- anything available cheaply or things that are in the public domain. That meant a *lot* of old B&W movies... but lots of crummy 70s/80s made-for-tv-ish color movies too.
     
  19. Preacher

    Preacher Swabbie
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    Really?... they did color movies?. Wow. Guess that just goes to show the deprivations of a life lived w/o cable TV. ..

    As to MST3K's demise, I'd heard they were cancelled a couple years back, but then I heard just recently from somewhere on the web (maybe even their own website?) that they were still on the air/resurrected for a brand-new run at it.

    Pity. GREAT show. Don't think I've ever seen as consistently funny a show in my life. Had me ROTFLOL more times than I can recall.
     
  20. Preacher

    Preacher Swabbie
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    Really?... they did color movies?. Wow. Guess that just goes to show the deprivations of a life lived w/o cable TV. ..

    As to MST3K's demise, I'd heard they were cancelled a couple years back, but then I heard just recently from somewhere on the web (maybe even their own website?) that they were still on the air/resurrected for a brand-new run at it.

    Pity. GREAT show. Don't think I've ever seen as consistently funny a show in my life. Had me ROTFLOL more times than I can recall.
     

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