World Capitalism (...or Holy Cow!)

Starkey

Starkey

Avenging Rooster
PERFECT CAPITALISM:
You have two cows. You sell one and buy an ox. They multiply, and the economy grows. You sell the herd and retire, rich!

AMERICAN CAPITALISM:
You have two cows. You sell one and forces the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when it dies.

FRENCH CAPITALISM:
You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three.

CANADIAN CAPITALISM:
You have two cows. You copy the American model. The cows die. You adopt economic protective measures to obtain three cows, like the French.

JAPANESE CAPITALISM:
You have two cows. You redesign them so they become 1/10 of the original size and produce 20 times more milk. Then you draw little cows called Cowomons and sells videogames to the rest of the world.

ITALIAN CAPITALISM:
You have two cows. One of them is your mother, and the other is your mother-in-law, maledetto!

BRITISH CAPITALISM:
You have two cows. Both are mad.

DUTCH CAPITALISM:
You have two cows. They live together, don´t like bulls and that´s fine.

GERMAN CAPITALISM:
You have two cows. They produce milk regularly, according to predetermined patterns and schedules, assuring a good profit. But you actually wanted to raise pigs.

RUSSIAN CAPITALISM:
You have two cows. You count them and they are five. You recount 42 cows. You count once more and they are now 12. You stop counting and open another vodka bottle.

SWISS CAPITALISM:
You have five hundred cows, but you don´t own any of them. You charge to keep other people´s cows.

SPANISH CAPITALISM:
You are full of pride for having two cows.

PORTUGUESE CAPITALISM:
You have two cows. And you complain because your herd won´t grow.

CHINESE CAPITALISM:
You have two cows and 300 people to milk them. You are proud for your low unemployment and high productivity. And you arrest anyone who disagrees.

HINDU CAPITALISM:
You have two cows. You beat up anyone who touches them.

ARGENTINIAN CAPITALISM:
You have two cows. You beat them up until they learn to moo in english. They die. You hand their meat over to the IMF´s year-end barbecue.

BRAZILIAN CAPITALISM:
You have two cows. One of them is stolen from you. The government creates the TTOC - Temporary Tax over the Ownership of Cows. A tax collector fines you, because although apparently you paid the TTOC correctly, you should have done that by the presumed number of cows and not by the real number. The IRS, also according to presumed data on your consumption of milk, cheese, leather shoes, said you have 200 cows and, to get rid of the fine, you bribe the tax collector giving him your last cow.
 
You forgot Islamic Capitalism. You have two cows. You stick semtax up their ass and herd them where there's innocent people. But seriously, I don't like the capitalism in business one bit.
 
Nah, I think this is what american capitalism should be:

You have two cows. You sell one and buy an ox. They mulitply, and soon existing ox and cow sellers get angry and sue to shut you down. You spend your profits selling your herd paying the lawyer bills.
 
Originally posted by Phillip Tanaka
You forgot Islamic Capitalism. You have two cows. You stick semtax up their ass and herd them where there's innocent people. But seriously, I don't like the capitalism in business one bit.
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No that isnt islamic capitalism, thats terrorist capitalism. That would be like saying christian capitalism is "You buy two cows and bleech them so that they are white, then you put sheets on them and they lynch 3 black men and a gay man" because thats what the KKK would do. ITs not even a good joke.
 
Oh by the way, you said before how soldiers "want to be able to rape, murder, steal, genocide, and commit warcrimes up the wazoo without being held accountable." Any way you can back that up?
 
Originally posted by Worf
Nah, I think this is what american capitalism should be:

You have two cows. You sell one and buy an ox. They mulitply, and soon existing ox and cow sellers get angry and sue to shut you down. You spend your profits selling your herd paying the lawyer bills.
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That's a better version :) I actually just translated the whole joke from Portuguese.

I am not totally sure that this joke was Made in Brazil™, but I think so, since some of the foreign points of view are clearly Brazilian, such as:

Canadians: Day in day out we get news about Embraer x Bombardier bitching over at the World Trade Organization. That's the reason for the "economic protective measures".

Portuguese: We have HUNDREDS of jokes on Portuguese people here, basically stereotyping them as dumb people. I heard they do the same about us in Portugal. Same way for Ohio x Michigan, for what I've heard.

P.S. Napoleon and Philip, I can't believe you are turning a stupid cow joke into a flame war over terrorism AND religion. Please quit it.
 
That's nothing. I simply wanted to know if he could back up his earlier comment on how soldiers "want to be able to rape, murder, steal, genocide, and commit warcrimes up the wazoo without being held accountable."
 
Okay, okay. I've been asked nicely, so I'll leave it and ask that if Napoleon can answer my question, he does so in private so that it's not here.
 
Originally posted by Napoleon
No that isnt islamic capitalism, thats terrorist capitalism. That would be like saying christian capitalism is "You buy two cows and bleech them so that they are white, then you put sheets on them and they lynch 3 black men and a gay man" because thats what the KKK would do. ITs not even a good joke.
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Had you bothered to look at the context of the post, it's pretty obvious that he's not serious.

Phillip, I'm sick of you asking the same stupid question every time you see Napoleon post. You know bloody well he won't ever give you an answer, so for crying out loud, stop - it's getting highly annoying.
 
back to my cows... Can anyone complete the joke with capitalism concepts from other countries?
 
Originally posted by Quarto
Phillip, I'm sick of you asking the same stupid question every time you see Napoleon post. You know bloody well he won't ever give you an answer, so for crying out loud, stop - it's getting highly annoying.
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I thought you said I could. But if you don't want me to just say so.
 
He already did. So did Ghost and I. Stop hijacking my thread.

Anyway, capitalism.... cows... anyone?

(the joke ain't funny anymore.... :( )
 
Hopefully these will help me get out of the doghouse.

NEW ZELAND CAPITALIAM

You have two cows. You sell both for one sheep.

iNDONESIAN CAPITALISM

You have two cows. You are the richest person to ever live in Indonesia.

MEXICAN CAPITALISM

You have two cows. The food they eat makes them great fertilizer producers.

SCOTTISH CAPITALISM

You have two cows. Both are big Wing Commander fans because of Paladin.

IRISH CAPITALISM

You have two cows. One's a bomber and the other likes to brawl with the English and drink Guinness daily.

SWEEDISH CAPITALISM

You have two cows. The scientific advancements of your cows are eclispsed by the beautiful women of your country.

EGYPTIAN CAPITALISM

You have two cows. A pyramid is built in their honor.

CUBAN CAPITALISM

You have two cows. No one can stand the smell when they are in the same room with their cigars.

AFGHANI CAPITALISM

You have two cows. They're handy when there's no goats.

IRAQI CAPITALISM

You have two cows. They are used in Iraq's latest invention, the Cow Launcher stolen from South Park.

AUSTRALIAN CAPITALISM

You have two cows. They are taken to make cowskin footballs so the AFL can compete with gridiron.
 
Originally posted by Starkey
...Same way for Ohio x Michigan, for what I've heard.
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yea, Ohio and Michigan almost went to war over Toledo.
it was stupid, if we were smart, we would have let Michigan have Toledo. All Toledo does is complain about everything.
"around here, we have a little saying, let Michigan handle it."
-Chief Wigum
also another point of interest, The Michigan Wolverines are changing their mascott. next year, they'll be the Michigan Tampons, cause their only good for one period.

GO BUCKS!!!
 
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