Wing Commander Wing Commander 3.141592654 (As of yet unnamed)

dacis2

Spaceman
My half baked attempt at this. I can't think of a good way to do the Kilrah part though. This is the Proluge:
I'm thinking of making it in script or play form, at least until the game starts.
Wing Commander 3.141592654 (As of yet unnamed)

Imperial Throne Room, Kilrah

Emperor: The enemy has struck at the heart of our Empire. A puny contingent of their soldiers has been captured here on Kilrah.
Thrakhath: This incursion was an act of desperation.
The humans look around.
Human: I wish I brought my camera.
Thrakhath:The hairless apes now flail about, knowing that they are beaten.
Another Human: I think its in my left pocket.
They have failed their race utterly. There will be no interrogation.
Human: Damn, can’t reach them with these chains! Hey, hey! Could you loosen these a bit?
Emperor (disgusted): Do what you will with them.
Thrakhath: Disintegration.
Kilrathi: <roars>
Human: I SWEAR! We’re from National Geographic! All that stuff is just really really advanced photo equipment!
Thrakhath: Silence. My brethren, they are not warriors, but maggots.
He gestures.
Clouds of blue energy close in on the intrepid National Geographic crew, who scream in pain and disappear.
Thrakhath: Only one among them is worthy of being treated as a warrior. The one they call “Angel”.
Two Kilrathi guards bring Angel in.
Still defiant, Colonel Devereaux? If we were to offer co-existence with your kind, would you not accept it?
Angel: The Kilrathi do not co-exist. Or at least, that’s what the anthropologist said.
Thrakhath: No. And now that the tide has turned in this war, your defiance is a pathetic and useless gesture.
Angel: You bore me, monsieur. Disintegrate me so I might join my cameramen…
Thrakhath: Disintegration is not for you. Your fate will be different.
Angel: <spits>
Thrakhath: <growls> The Human cannot appreciate the honour that I am about to bestow her. She is not only a great warrior… but her lair-mate is The Heart of the Tiger!

******************

Mistral Sea, Vespus
Paladin: May they rest in peace.
Maverick: Peace… Have we ever known anything like that, Paladin?
Paladin: Not for a long time, laddie.

Two Hellcat IIs fly by.

Hellcat pilot: Hey! That’s the Bridge security recorder!

Other pilot: I’m tractoring it in… got it!

Paladin: Play it!

Other pilot: Ok.

******* Security recording, Bridge TCS Concordia ********

Gunnery Officer: Whoo! Man we rocked!
Sensors Officer: Captain, the Kilrathi are either destroyed or are in retreat.
Captain: Excellent. Now, set a course for Sol, en garde!
Helmsman: *giggle*
Bridge Crew: *laughs*
Captain: What? Pinchard says it on Sev Trek!
Helmsman: *wiping a tear* no sir, its Engage! With that hand movement thingy with the two fingers pointing in front.
Captain: Right, right, right. Like this?
Helmsman: Yeah.
Captain: Engouge!
Crew:*laughs*
Captain: What?! Helmsman Kenny said “Engourge! Right?”
Helmsman: No.
Captain: Of course you did.
Helmsman: No I didn’t.
Captain: Did.
Helmsman: Didn’t
Captain: Did.
Helmsman: Didn’t
Captain: Did.
Helmsman: Didn’t
Captain: *Pissed* Kenny! You’re relieved!
Helmsman: What?
Captain: I said you’re relieved!
Helmsman: No, I’m not relieved, but if you want, I can go to the bridge’s Head.
Crew:*laughs*
Captain: Damn you! That’s it! I’ve taken enough of your fooling!
Bridge crew stares in horror as the Captain walks to Kenny with his swagger stick, and whacks him on the head. It somehow cracks the skull and he is now on the floor, twitching, then lies limp.
Gunnery Officer: Oh my God! He killed Kenny!
XO: You bastard! Captain Gant! You are relieved of command!
Captain: No! He died of natural causes! How could a tap of a swagger stick possibly kill him!
XO: Captain, put that stick down!
Captain: No! This is insubordination!
XO: *drawing gun* RESPECT MAH AUTHORITAH!
Captain: This is mutiny!
XO: DIE!
*laser fire*
Sensors Officer: GUYS! SPACEBERG!
Crew: AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!
Sensors Officer: Evasive maneuvers! Phew. All we’re going to collide with is that thing that looks like a space mine.
XO: A space mine won’t scratch our shields!
Sensors Officer: Look, there’s writing on that thing! Focusing…
*Label reads: Thank you for purchasing a Sheridan Nuke of Sufficient yield. If the light is blinking, and you are reading this, you are too close.*
XO: Sheridan’s Nuke Of Sufficient Yield? Sounds like something from Papilon Five!
Sensors: Didn’t a 4 megaton nuke destroy a Dreadnought? In one episode?
Captain: EVAISIV*********** static **************
Back to the coast.
Maverick: First the Tiger’s Claw, now this.
Paladin: Enough! You were not to blame for either.
Blair pulls out his commlink.
Maverick: Some would disagree.
This is Colonel Christopher Blair. Report to Admiral Tolwyn. The wreckage of the Concordia has been located on Vespus off the Mistral coast. Evaluation… total loss.
He puts it back.
Paladin: You can’t live your life for the approval of one man.
Maverick:Yes I can, no matter what I think of that sonufabitch, he's still a good man. Anyway, any word from Angel?
Paladin: None.
Maverick:*pissed* Is that the ‘official’ line?
Paladin: I know how much she means to you, laddie.
He pats Blair's shoulder.

Admiral Tolywn’s office, Confederation Headquarters.
Beauty shot of Sol Station
Back to the office.
Maverick: Excuse me, sir. Did you say the Victory?
Tolwyn: Is there something wrong with your hearing, Colonel?
Maverick: Well, I do have this piece of wax that simply won’t come out. Hey! That keychain would work.
Blair grabs a tube like thingy and starts to pick his ear.
Tolwin: BE CAREFUL WITH THAT!
Blair digs it out.
Maverick: There! That’s a big one! Hey, what does this button do?
Tolwin: NO!
He bats Blair’s hand a notch, and a purple beam fires.
Maverick: Cool! A plasma pointer! Can I have it?
Tolwin: Alright. Can we get back to the Victory.
Blair returns to his parade rest posture.
Maverick: Of course sir.
Tolwyn: The TCS Victory is a fine carrier with a long history of service to the Confederation.
Maverick: Yes, sir. A very long history, sir.
Tolwyn: Ship assignments aren’t open to debate, Colonel. Of course, I realise that the ‘accommodations’ may not be what you’re quite used to.
Maverick: No, sir, I didn’t mean to suggest that– well, I DO mean to suggest…
Tolwyn: The Victory will benefit greatly from having a wing commander of your stature and experience. Don’t worry, the latest refit will ensure roomy quarters for the senior officers.
Maverick: Thank you, sir. But can’t we at least discuss the…
Tolwyn: Now that we have the Kilrathi on the run in both the Gardel and Morpheus systems, I can afford to shift you to the Victory in Orsini. What I’m trying to tell you, Colonel, is that things are looking up. The Confederation has been making some very positive strides. Dismissed!
Tolwin walks to the tactical console, and sees the reflection of Blair.
Maverick: Sir, about my request–
Tolwyn: Yes, that came as a bit of a surprise to me. As you know, Colonel Devereaux’s status is on a need-to-know basis.
Your shuttle is waiting.
Maverick:*salutes* Yes, sir!

Confederation shuttle, en-route to the TCS Victory.
Dahl: …Despite recent losses in several densely populated sectors, Confederation spokesmen insist that Humanity maintains the upper hand in its galactic struggle with the Kilrathi. However, our sources document a consistent under-reporting of Kilrathi incursions, as well as civilian and industrial losses. There are even reports of Confed plans for a ‘doomsday’ evacuation of Earth, replanting the seeds of Humanity in a distant galaxy. The question is… who would go? Who would be left behind? And, most importantly, who is making these decisions?
Blair thought of other questions, like, does she wear underwear? and does that tan cover her whole body?

*********************** End of chapter 1 *******************
 

Ijuin

Admiral
Interesting so far, but I think that Thrakath should be a bit more over-the-top dramatic to contrast the goofball "photographers". As it is you are quoting the game verbatim--it would be much funnier if he continued on about how if THIS was humanity's last, desperate gamble, then humans are even lower scum than he had previously though.
 

Bandit LOAF

Long Live the Confederation!
Much like the people behind Freespace and Freespace 2, you are desperately in need of an original idea.
 
Aww, give the kid a chance LOAF. I enjoyed "The Price of Entertainment", and i woudnt mind seeing this one completed. Some intresting things in this parody, but yeah, it does need a *little* bit more originality.
 

Edfilho

Cry some more!
ERm, I'd hate to be a bad person, but I didn't find it to be funny... The Price of Entertainment was superb, it had a concept behind it, and was actually more "mature" inclined than the game itself. This... is just a bunch of silly jokes and puns strung together.

Sorry.
 

overmortal

Bearded Person
That just means it's for a younger crowd. Hand that script to a bunch of ten-year-olds, and they'd laugh their heads off. And probably start making pee-pee jokes, too.
 
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