This seems to be some kind of ritual, so...

Mad Hatter

Spaceman
I see that every new member posts a new topic announcing his/her arrival (how politically correct of me
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), and since I too just signed in this site, I bid you all a big hello from the Mad Hatter.

O.K, you can start cracking jokes.
 
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Death's Head

Spaceman
I wasn't aware we cracked too many jokes here.

Welcome aboard!

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There's only one thing more accurate than incoming fire-friendly fire
 

Craze

Spaceman
I think we crack jokes without knowing it


Welcome Mad Hatter

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I fight on the side of peace and honor, just like Blair
 

TC

SubCrid
I damn well crack jokes...

And if you want crack jokes you missed my recent creation of impotence crack on #wingnut

TC

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CAG of the Blacklance HQ
"Canadian and proud of it"-TC
 

Meson

Swabbie
Banned
I think every thread we cracked was a joke.
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and Welcome to the board Mad Hatter

------------------
Meson
Fleet Commander Homepage

Wing Commander is not just a game. It's a lifestyle.

Those whose eyes have seen shall not live to tell about it -- commercial for the American version of Gundam Wing
 
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No Regret

Spaceman
Ok, I'll crack a joke (a real lame one):

*LAME JOKE ALERT*

Hey Mad Hatter, welcome! Did you check for a mouse in your teapot?

*crawls under a rock*

------------------
The time is near.
There are still quite a few days remaining.

I don't care for fame, power or money...
I just want to FIGHT!
-Sanosuke Sagara
 

Mad Hatter

Spaceman
(Gasping for air, trying to catch his breath, faints, wakes up, starts to laugh uncontrolably, faints again, finally wakes up and manages to say something)
WOW!! This is absolutly the funniest joke I`ve ever heard (faints again, dies of a heart attack).

NOT!!
 

Death's Head

Spaceman
*considers doucing the rock with gasoline old magazines and lighting a match*

Anyone got firewood? We can smoke him out.

Look what I found-the recipe for Napalm.
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You better do better jokes than that, No Regret, or the Earthworm will tunnel under that rock and eat you alive.
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------------------
There's only one thing more accurate than incoming fire-friendly fire

[This message has been edited by Death's Head (edited February 24, 2000).]
 
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Earthworm

Spaceman
"Munch, Munch, Munch.................."

And now the evil face in hopes that I won't have to eat No Regret. Hopafully those will scare him.
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Death's Head

Spaceman
Teehee!

Hope so because I need a beer. Maybe on day they will have an earthworm emoticon that eats part of the background.
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I'm not sure if there's anything against posting jokes but if there is I'm sure to find out. Here goes:

Al Gore and the Clintons are flying on Air Force One. Bill looks at Al, chuckles and says, "You know, I could throw a $10,000 bill out the window right now and make one person very happy."

Al shrugs his stiff shoulders and says, "Well, I could throw ten $1,000 bills out the window and make 10 people very happy."

Hillary tosses her perfectly sprayed hair and says, "Of course, then, I could throw one hundred $100 bills out the window and
make a hundred people very happy."

Chelsea rolls her eyes, looks at all of them and says, "I could throw all of you out the window and make the whole country happy."

[This message has been edited by Death's Head (edited February 24, 2000).]
 
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Earthworm

Spaceman
LOL!
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A good soldier is not the one who die for his country, it's the one who makes his enemy die for his.
Gen. Patton
 
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Meson

Swabbie
Banned
lay them on us man
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------------------
Meson
Fleet Commander Homepage

Wing Commander is not just a game. It's a lifestyle.

Those whose eyes have seen shall not live to tell about it -- commercial for the American version of Gundam Wing
 
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Mad Hatter

Spaceman
Hey Death`s Head, I already saw that one in Joke-of-the-Day, I think it was one of the better ones they had.
Speaking of Clintons, I got one myself:

One morning, Bill Clinton steps out of the white house door to get the morning newspaper, when he notices someone wrote the name Clinton in urine on the front balcony.
Enraged, he calls up the CIA, the FBI, the NSA, MI6, KGB, you name it. He sais: "I want a thorough report on what exactly happened here tomorrow morning on my desk!!"

The next day he enters his office and sees a huge pile of papers the size of New York`s phone book. Not wanting to have to read through it all, he asks the guy in charge of the investigation to tell him what the findings were.
The guy sais: "Well, the urine turned out to be Al Gore`s....
"WHAT?!" sais Bill "That *%^&#@$%^#$^!!%^$%^#^!!! He supported me for 8 years and now he wants to screw me over?!"
"I`m afraid that`s not all" sais the guy "The handwriting turned out to be your wife`s...."

Comments?
 

Death's Head

Spaceman
I have already seen that one.

OK here's another albeit it bit profane:

There was this businessman who was getting ready to go on a long business trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort, so he thought he'd try to get her something to keep her occupied while he was gone, because he didn't much like the idea of her screwing someone else. So he went to a store that sold sex toys and started looking around. He was browsing through the dildos, looking for something special to please his wife, and started talking to the old man behind the counter. He explained his situation.
The old man said, "Well, I don't really know of anything that will do the trick, except -- " and he stopped.
"Except what?" the man asked.
"Well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but there is the'voodoo dick.'"
"So what's up with this voodoo dick?" he asked. The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out an old wooden box, carved with strange symbols. He opened it, and there lay a very ordinary-looking dildo. He pointed to a door and said "Voodoo dick, the door." The voodoo dick rose out of its box, darted over to the door, and started screwing the keyhole. The whole door shook with the vibrations, and a crack developed down the middle. Before the door could split, the old man said "Voodoo dick, get back in your box!" The voodoo dick stopped, floated back to the box and lay there, quiescent once more.
"I'll take it!" said the businessman.
The old man resisted, saying it wasn't for sale, but he finally surrendered to $700 in cash. The guy took it home to his wife, told her it was a special dildo and that to use it, all she had to do was say "Voodoo dick, my pussy." He left for his trip satisfied that things would be fine while he was gone.
After he'd been gone a few days, the wife was unbearably horny. She thought of several people who would willingly satisfy her, but then she remembered the voodoo dick.
She got it out, and said "Voodoo dick, my pussy!" The voodoo dick shot to her and started pumping. It was great, like
nothing she'd ever experienced before. After three orgasms, she decided she'd had enough, and tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her, still thrusting. She tried and tried to get it out, but nothing worked. Her husband had forgotten to tell her how to shut it off.
She decided to go to the hospital to see if they could help. She put her clothes on, got in the car and started to drive to the hospital, quivering with every thrust of the dildo. On the way, another orgasm nearly made her swerve off the road, and she was pulled over by a policeman. He asked for her license, and then asked how much she'd had to drink. Gasping and twitching, she explained that she hadn't been drinking, but that a voodoo dick was stuck in her, and wouldn't stop screwing.
The officer looked at her for a second, and then said "Yea, right. Voodoo dick, my ass!"
 
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