(Gasping for air, trying to catch his breath, faints, wakes up, starts to laugh uncontrolably, faints again, finally wakes up and manages to say something)
WOW!! This is absolutly the funniest joke I`ve ever heard (faints again, dies of a heart attack).
Hey Death`s Head, I already saw that one in Joke-of-the-Day, I think it was one of the better ones they had.
Speaking of Clintons, I got one myself:
One morning, Bill Clinton steps out of the white house door to get the morning newspaper, when he notices someone wrote the name Clinton in urine on the front balcony.
Enraged, he calls up the CIA, the FBI, the NSA, MI6, KGB, you name it. He sais: "I want a thorough report on what exactly happened here tomorrow morning on my desk!!"
The next day he enters his office and sees a huge pile of papers the size of New York`s phone book. Not wanting to have to read through it all, he asks the guy in charge of the investigation to tell him what the findings were.
The guy sais: "Well, the urine turned out to be Al Gore`s....
"WHAT?!" sais Bill "That *%^&#@$%^#$^!!%^$%^#^!!! He supported me for 8 years and now he wants to screw me over?!"
"I`m afraid that`s not all" sais the guy "The handwriting turned out to be your wife`s...."
There was this businessman who was getting ready to go on a long business trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort, so he thought he'd try to get her something to keep her occupied while he was gone, because he didn't much like the idea of her screwing someone else. So he went to a store that sold sex toys and started looking around. He was browsing through the dildos, looking for something special to please his wife, and started talking to the old man behind the counter. He explained his situation.
The old man said, "Well, I don't really know of anything that will do the trick, except -- " and he stopped.
"Except what?" the man asked.
"Well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but there is the'voodoo dick.'"
"So what's up with this voodoo dick?" he asked. The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out an old wooden box, carved with strange symbols. He opened it, and there lay a very ordinary-looking dildo. He pointed to a door and said "Voodoo dick, the door." The voodoo dick rose out of its box, darted over to the door, and started screwing the keyhole. The whole door shook with the vibrations, and a crack developed down the middle. Before the door could split, the old man said "Voodoo dick, get back in your box!" The voodoo dick stopped, floated back to the box and lay there, quiescent once more.
"I'll take it!" said the businessman.
The old man resisted, saying it wasn't for sale, but he finally surrendered to $700 in cash. The guy took it home to his wife, told her it was a special dildo and that to use it, all she had to do was say "Voodoo dick, my pussy." He left for his trip satisfied that things would be fine while he was gone.
After he'd been gone a few days, the wife was unbearably horny. She thought of several people who would willingly satisfy her, but then she remembered the voodoo dick.
She got it out, and said "Voodoo dick, my pussy!" The voodoo dick shot to her and started pumping. It was great, like
nothing she'd ever experienced before. After three orgasms, she decided she'd had enough, and tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her, still thrusting. She tried and tried to get it out, but nothing worked. Her husband had forgotten to tell her how to shut it off.
She decided to go to the hospital to see if they could help. She put her clothes on, got in the car and started to drive to the hospital, quivering with every thrust of the dildo. On the way, another orgasm nearly made her swerve off the road, and she was pulled over by a policeman. He asked for her license, and then asked how much she'd had to drink. Gasping and twitching, she explained that she hadn't been drinking, but that a voodoo dick was stuck in her, and wouldn't stop screwing.
The officer looked at her for a second, and then said "Yea, right. Voodoo dick, my ass!"