Heres a good blonde joke:
One day a blonde walks into an appliance store and finds a T.V for the lowest price in town. She approaches the sales clerk and says, "can I buy that T.V over there?" "No," The salesman replies, "we don't serve blondes." Outraged, the blonde storms out of the store and vowes never to buy from them again. She searches all the other stores in town but none have a lower price than the first store. The following day she wears a red wig, puts on coloured contacts and wears different makeup. She returns to the store and askes the salesman again, "may I buy the T.V on sale over there?" "Sorry," the man replies again, "we don't serve blondes" The blondes gets furious and tears off the wig screaming, "How did you know i was blonde?" "Because," says the salesman, "Thats a microwave-oven."
Danny's two favourite things were Cemestry and Computers. One day, his Dad sees him driving nails into a wooden plank. He ask his son "Why are driving nails into that board son?", Danny says "These are not nails Dad. These are worms soaked in a Liquid Compound my Computer came up with". The Father's eyes brightened, he then said to his son "If you whip me up a batch of that stuff, I'll give you that printer you've wanted.". Danny then gives his Dad a beaker of the concoction, and the next day Danny's father gave him the Promised printer and a new Computer. Danny asked "Thanks for the Printer Dad, but what's with the Computer?" The Father answered "That too is a gift for you. It's from your Mother".
Here is a true story from when my father was in the US Army:
One day, my father was eating a chocolate bar while sitting at his desk on base. Since there was no wastebasket available to dispose of the wrapper, he put it into a bag that was to be used for burning classified documents. The lieutenant at the desk across from his saw this and looked up.
"Sergeant, you can't do that," the lieutenant said.
"Why not, Sir?" my father said.
"That bag is for disposing of classified materials only, and that item is not classified," came the reply.
And so, my father reached into the bag, removed the candy wrapper, and stamped "CLASSIFIED" on it, in big, red letters.