Great Dragoncon Stories: The Drinkening.

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The following story happened this evening. As I was the second most sober person present, and as the completely semi-unofficial Dragoncon cool story scribe, I feel I should make sure this is recorded.

To begin with, I want to post a large disclaimer. This might come across as mean, or stupid, or sick, or whatever. 1) I do not intend to be unnecessarily mean. The tales told will be as complete and honest as possible. 2) Anything said by any drunken party to or about any other party, sober or otherwise, is not and shall not be taken too seriously by anyone, myself included. 3) I post to entertain, so laugh if you must, but I also post to educate. This is to educate those who enjoy a bit of drinking, those who don't, and those who showed this very night that they might want to listen when we recommend they tone it down a bit.

It began at around 10pm. Frosty, Hades, Lisa (a friend of LOAF's, nice girl), and myself decided to wander the Hyatt hotel looking for something interesting. We originally intended to crash a drinking/hacking party that Death was attending, and we did stand outside the door and try to embarass him a bit, but we were distracted and moved on. I won't get into specifics, but our activities included discussing, loudly, the mating habits of humans as opposed to aliens, engorged purple members, describing a clogged toilet's issue as 'Shai-Hulud', and forcing a gentleman to dance for us in return for a helium balloon. Afterwards it was decided that we needed a drink.

We proceeded to Champions, home of the Ritual of the Weasel and general sports bar. After finding a table, Hades lunged for the bar and ordered a shot of whiskey for himself, one for Frosty, and I politely declined. They drank. Hades was determined to buy me a round or three, as I had shelled out for a couple of the meals for the whole group, and he wanted to do something in return. I relented and opted for a single shot of vodka. Lisa had a second drink, but nursed it a minute or two and decided she didn't want it. It went untouched.

It was around this time that I noticed the presence of one Daniel Logan, the kid that played Boba Fett in Attack of the Clones. We had encountered (though not directly met) him previously and decided he was a capital fellow. Frosty called ace up in the room and told him we were having shots with Boba 'Fucking' Fett. ace and the rest of the crew, except for Death, came down.

We moved to another table. They had brought the video camera. I went and shook Logan's hand. Lisa went and found out that he prefers a Corona with a twist of lemon (or was it lime...), and video was taken. The newcomers ordered drinks, and all was well.

By this time, Frosty and Hades were at four shots each. Frosty was now beginning to engage in a dialog with the camera lens. I also did, talking about how nice Logan was. I wasn't tipsy or anything, it just seemed like fun at the time. Hades kept the drinks coming for himself and Frosty. By the sixth, both were obviously getting fucked up. Frosty was laughing uncontrollably and wouldn't stop his long diatribe with the camera, and got a tad edgy when it wasn't on him. Hades was quietly starting to laugh a bit, and went for the seventh round (EDIT - There's a count dispute, it appears to have been eight).

Hades began to moan rather loudly that he was 'so fucking screwed', though he didn't seem too upset about it. When Frosty knocked his over, we knew it was time to get them out of here. Fortunately, Logan had left, or one of the two might have gone and made an extra special ass of themselves. They brought the tab over for Hades to sign it, and he was entirely unable to do so. LOAF, Crid, Hadrian, ace and I tried to get the two out of there. Frosty was only slightly reluctant to go, and him being so heavy, LOAF (who is a pretty damn burly guy) took him up to the room. Hadrian had the camera, and I was trying to get little old Hades out of his seat. Hades didn't want to let go of the plain old Coke he'd ordered to try and water it all down, and accused me rather loudly and repeatedly of being a fucking pussy for only having had the one vodka. I fought with him a bit and took a breather to check on the others. Lisa and Blonde were working on the tab, ace was nearby. When I turned back, I knew all was lost.

Hades had yorfed on the table. For those that might not recognize the term, I'll add these thesaurus entries: puked, barfed, hurled, spewed, tossed cookies, technicolor yawned, vomited, regurgitated. Luckily for me, I'd taken everyone out to a restaurant that served bison, so he was chock full o' burger. Well, he's not now.

I nearly lost it myself and asked ace to assist on it while I regained control. The bartender gave us napkins so I could clean it up (I just kinda contained it on the table for them), and was apologizing for letting them get there. ace helped Hades stumble into the mens room, and the others followed whilst I apologized to the bartender, said thanks, and left.

Crid showed up in the just-outside-waiting-area to let us know that LOAF had gotten Frosty up to the room without incident. ace had Hades on the ground in the mens room, which was entertaining as other con guests showed up and moved around him. He then told me I was still a fucking pussy for only having had the one vodka, and shortly thereafter told me I was smart to have only had the one. After making sure he was ok for the immediate future and getting the worst of the puke off of him, I helped him up and we got him to the elevator, then into the room. We got him into the bathroom, where he seemed ill and tired. I went to check on Frosty.

LOAF had Frosty in a chair in the adjacent room, and Frosty seemed to be in good shape. He was talking up a storm, repeatedly wanting us to make sure we were getting this on film or asking where the camera was, despite us telling him it was out of film. Crid took over Hades watch, and LOAF, ace and I gathered around Frosty to make sure he wasn't about to lose it, and to try and keep him calm, as he was a bit animated. The conversation was very, very long, but here's a quick quote.

Man, I don't want to say shit like I love you, because that's just because I'm a drunk idiot and shit, so I won't say it. But you guys are great, I mean, you made such a huge impact on my life and all. You did (to ace), you did (to LOAF), and you did (to me), and I love all of you, really.

This was followed by, amongst other things, him telling us that he wanted us to visit him in Saybrook, he wanted us to be sure we didn't let him overdo it next time, that this was his first time being REALLY drunk and that it was so cool, that he didn't want to let us overdo it next time, that he'd designed a fighter modeled after the F-23 and using certain tech from the Iwar games, that he didn't want to let us overdo it next time, that he loved each and every one of us, that he didn't want to let us overdo it next time, that we had had a huge impact on his life, and so on. This was followed by him making a solitary trip to the bathroom, at which point he decided to talk to himself. All we caught was:

... zipper, but then I'd probably piss on myself, which I don't want to do, but I think I'm doing alright here...

I couldn't get more because I was laughing.

Anyway, the conversation went on line that. Eventually he started to wind down, and we decided he was safe enough to let him sleep. Hades was still on the toilet in the other room. He'd spewed a little bit more, and had his head on the counter, but seemed to be ok otherwise. We found the costume contest and watched a bit before I decided to leave. On the way out I passed Hades with the door to the bathroom open. I told him I hoped he felt better, and he told me to go fuck myself.

Now, having not had drunken friends to this level before, I found it all to be an interesting experience. We got a whole hell of a lot of Drunken Frosty on film, but most of the best bits happened after we got them to the room and stopped filming.

But lets let that be a bit of a lesson to you folks. I know drinking is fun and all, but we tend to keep an eye on one another, and when it's been decided that you should chill a bit, do so.

Bandit LOAF

Long Live the Confederation!
There were eight shots.. but they were actually twin-shots.. so double that. We said this after DragonCon last year and we'll say it again: alcohol and Wing Commander CIC events don't mix.

-ace, LOAF & ChrisReid

Cpl Hades

Mr. Kat
It was only seven rounds. The bartender refused to serve me after that, though I hear that was partly down to Lisa.
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