Grape Guru Blamed for Starving Masses (February 4, 2000)

[ChrisReid]

Kelly Lemon tells it like it is. Religious leader Aaron Strange was in hiding from angry supporters on Bex last night. Aaron converted millions to his Order of the Holy Vine, which advocated the transcension of worldly matters through the consumption of grapes and the destruction of all other, 'spiritually impure' foods. His followers lost faith in Aaron following the publication of photos showing him eating a steak. New stocks of all foodstuffs are urgently required, though grape prices have dropped. 'How could we have been so stupid?', wailed a glassy-eyed toga wearer yesterday.

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Original update published on February 4, 2000