Dragoncon Stories: Our good friend Eclipse


I was going to call this a 'great' dragoncon story, because it had a few of us in stitches as it occurred, but this is one of those situations where you might have needed to be present to understand the humor. I'll relay it anyway, because Frosty says I should.

Although Dragoncon is generally a wonderful haven for the geeks and nerds of society, even amongst those crowds are the supernerds. These magestic creatures are completely socially inept, so much so that even the average nerds, such as myself, find themselves in awe of their complete inability to exude even the faintest hint of cool, even in the face of some activities, interests, or actions that might otherwise be recognized with respect.

Many of you have seen the pictures of Jordan, who met up with us while we were in our flightsuits and on patrol. He recognized the insignia immediately and was quite eager to strike up a conversation. He listed a couple of things he's working on: a half size Dralthi model in his garage, and a Kilrathi flightsuit (I believe he said WC2 era, but I'm not 100% certain). He also asked about our own flight suits, and upon discovering that we had spares in an acceptable size back in the hotel room, he eagerly offered to purchase one. Much of the group ventured back to the room, whilst Frosty, Hades, and myself stuck around to keep him company.

He asked what callsigns we used in flight, and I identified us (myself as Iridium, which has been my gaming tag since way way before the Tye name was bestowed). He told us that he used the name Eclipse, by which I shall identify him from here on. It was pretty obvious from early on that his nerdiness was truly that of legends, and we based this primarily on some of the things he chose to share with us. I quote.

So, uhm, uh, so, so, you know what was the best Terran ship name ever? It was, uh, so, uh, it was the , uh, the best ship name ever was, uh, was, it was the TCS, uh, Kilrathi Bane.

Kilrathi Bane. Fascinatingly original. I know it seemed unnecessary for me to add all the sos and uhs, but the statement literally took him 30 seconds to spit out. I don't think I'd have minded had he come up with a better name... say, the TCS Furious Vengeance or something, but no. This was followed shortly thereafter by:

So, uh, so, so, so, so, uh, you know, uh, what'd make the best Kilrathi carrier name? It'd be, uh, so, so, it'd be, uh, the Monkey Murderer.


After hanging around a bit he decided he needed to have a seat, as apparently he's got a problem with one of his knees. We chatted in a friendly manner, wondering when in the hell those bastards would get back so we could distract him with a shiny new suit, when he asked me what my favorite female costume was, 'speaking as a male.' I told him I was trying not to think of it, being recently engaged and all. He said that he was engaged as well, and that, and now I must quote again....

We have a very, very open relationship. If we didn't, all of her problems with cheating on me would have ended it a long time ago.

This proved too much for me, and I had to move away for a minute to let the laughter out. Frosty was busy staring with wide eyes. Fortunately for our sanity, shortly thereafter the others arrived. He asked someone to escort him to the men's room to help him get it on (DANGER! WARNING WILL ROBINSON!), and Chris did so. After a bit they returned, with Eclipse wearing the XXXL suit unzipped completely, yet it was still tight on him. We politely suggested that he zip the goddamned thing up a little ways, and he did. He moved on, and we parted ways with him.

Godspeed, you glorious nerd. Godspeed.
Okay.. I guess I need to elaborate on the bathroom trip. :(

So Blonde and I returned with the 3XL flight suit.. and Jordan announced that he was almost ready to purchase the suit, but he needed to try it on. I got to be the one that followed him to the bathroom.

Along the way he found some girl and they were hugging profusely. They parted ways and he whispered into my ear, "She told me she wants to sleep with me this weekend, but she'll probably be too busy." :(

We made it to the bathroom, and as soon as he enters he says "Nice costume" to some Klingon. These were real Klingons too, not some nerds in bumpy foreheads at a sci-fi con. So they blew up. "KLINGONS DO NOT WEAR COSTUMES! THESE ARE MILITARY UNIFORMS YOU SOMETHINGKLINGONWORD!"

Jordan ran away and hid in the bathroom. I waited in the corner and freaked out when the two Klingons cornered me after taking a leak. But they hadn't connected me and Jordan and instead were examining my flight suit. They read my Confed patch and said, "You fight the Kilrathi! You are a great warrior!" That was a big relief, they apparently hadn't connected me and Jordan. The other Klingon motioned to his fur and told me it was from a Kilrathi who was not as good of a warrior as me.

Finally Jordan came out and said the suit was a go. It was pretty tight, so I suggested he unbuckle or unzip a bit. He did that and said his seamstress friend would fix it more, so it'd be all good. I helped him peel off the suit so he could get to his wallet in his underwear and the transaction was complete.

Skip ahead to the part where Tye and people see me and him in the unzipped suit.
Ah, ok. Good to have that last little tidbit of the story.

Also, that's not the first time that the Klingons have recognized and admired us. :)
good god, apparently technology is really starting to offset natural selection....only the strong survive....maybe?
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This story will forever keep me far, far away from Dragon*Con.
Actually, those Klingons sound like some of the coolest people you could possibly meet at Dragon*Con.
For the longest time, I thought Rance was a persona made-up by one of the admins on #wingnut.
GOD I love Klingons. The 7 foot tall, 100% in character ones especially.

I remember from my trip to Las Vegas and the Star Trek Experience how bands of Klingons would cruise out into the Hilton's main lobby and intimidate regular guests. Frickin' awesome!