Chronicles of a help desk moron...

frostytheplebe

Seventh Part of the Seal
Thought this would give everyone a laugh... these are just some examples of the calls I got yesterday. I hate them when they are happening, but I get a good laugh at the users expense after! :D

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Call 1:

Analyst: Are there any lights on the device?

Caller: No, its not working...

Analyst: Is it powered on?

Caller: How do I check that?

Analyst: Hit the power button

Caller: I don't see it

Analyst: Its the one labeled POWER!

Caller: Oh... ok... HEY! Everything is working now!

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Call 2:

Caller: Your password system is really not "User Friendly"

Analyst: Well how do you suggest making it user friendly? I'll pass on any suggestions to my supervisor

Caller: Well I don't have any...

Analyst: ....

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Call 3:

Caller: The computer says press any key... which key is that?

Analyst: Just pick a key and strike it.

Caller: But thats not what the computer says.

Analyst: Trust me ma'am, it'll work.

Caller: I don't think so, can I speak to someone who knows what they're doing there?

Analyst: Suuuuuuure... *click*
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Call 4:

User: *Click*

Analyst: ok...
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Call 5:

Analyst: So let me get this straight; you disabled your firewall, turned off Macafee, and spybot, and you don't understand why your computer crashed?

Caller: They were slowing my computer down.

Analyst: Hows your computer running now?

Caller: Well its not

Analyst: Exactly!
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Call 6:

Caller: Its spelled F as in Foreplay A as in Oral B as in Bra

Analyst: ... Ok!

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Call 7:

Analyst: Ok go ahead and fill in the form.

Caller: What do I put in under the name catagory

Analyst: Your name?

Caller: Well what is it?
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Call 8:

Analyst: Ok I'll have a tech come by and replace the keyboard for you

Caller: You can't do it over the phone?

Analyst: How am I supposed to replace a keyboard for you over the phone?

Caller: Well I need it now!
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Call 9:

Analyst: Help desk,

Caller: Hi, my coworker needs his computer fixed

Analyst: Whats wrong with it?

Caller: Its just not working?

Analyst: Ma'am thats like me going into the doctors office and saying "I don't feel well." Whats wrong? "I dunno I just don't feel well."
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Call 10:

Analyst: Ok whats the IP address of the computer

Caller: I don't know

Analyst: What version of windows are you using?

Caller: I don't know

Analyst: What were you doing when it crashed?

Caller: I dont know... can you help me?

Analyst: I don't know...

Caller: Well you're a lot of help!
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Call 11:

Analyst: Help Desk

Caller: I've been waiting for 20 minutes

Analyst: So did the 30 callers ahead of you!

Caller: But my issue is top priority

Analyst: So were the 30 calls ahead of you, they all said they wanted urgent tickets

Caller: This is ridiculous

Analyst: Yeah they said that too... so what can I do for you today?

Caller: Oh forget you, I'll call back later!

Analyst: Have a nice day!
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Call 12:

Caller: I need to log in and I can't remember my username...

Analyst: When is the last time you logged in?

Caller: Ten minutes ago?

Analyst: What did you log in with then?

Caller: I don't know...
 

privfan

Commodore
sadly from experience I believe that all of these actually happened. We get flooded with password resets on monday mornings. for some reason 2 days off makes these people forget the pw they've been using for weeks
 

DarkOne

Spaceman
#1 and #12 are classic. If I got calls like this it would really test my patience and i might have to say we are sending you a box please put your computer inside and send it back. And when they ask why tell them that there are intelligence requirements to use a PC :)

I did help desk support for a while but lucky for me it was tier 3 support so you actually had to know something to get my phone to ring.
 

Darkmage

Vice Admiral
I've had a helpdesk call before from an old lady who didn't have her adsl modem plugged in. It was a real shame because obviously one of her kids/grandkids had unplugged it and as a result she'd been paying for an internet service she wasn't using. No matter what we need to look after these people. It's not their fault they don't know the technology. Some have real difficulty grasping the concepts behind the technology. These people deserve our help the most. Some people can't be bothered ever learning they don't really deserve any help but as an employee of a company it's still your job to try to help them heh. Forgotten password was one I rarely got on helpdesk. The quality of helpdesk support is usually pretty crappy. I was fixing issues 3 other guys failed to pickup on when I was working for an ISP. Didn't stop the ISP from firing me though, oh well their loss not mine, I'm subcontracting atm. If you're on helldesk I suggest you look around for other work. There's some pretty kickass opportunities out there if you know your OS information well enough.
 

frostytheplebe

Seventh Part of the Seal
I've had a helpdesk call before from an old lady who didn't have her adsl modem plugged in. It was a real shame because obviously one of her kids/grandkids had unplugged it and as a result she'd been paying for an internet service she wasn't using. No matter what we need to look after these people. It's not their fault they don't know the technology. Some have real difficulty grasping the concepts behind the technology. These people deserve our help the most. Some people can't be bothered ever learning they don't really deserve any help but as an employee of a company it's still your job to try to help them heh. Forgotten password was one I rarely got on helpdesk. The quality of helpdesk support is usually pretty crappy. I was fixing issues 3 other guys failed to pickup on when I was working for an ISP. Didn't stop the ISP from firing me though, oh well their loss not mine, I'm subcontracting atm. If you're on helldesk I suggest you look around for other work. There's some pretty kickass opportunities out there if you know your OS information well enough.

The company I work for branches off... in other words, I can go anywhere I want in the organization after a years employment. Plus I get free benefits... the benefits alone will keep me here! :D

The only portion I can't understand is why they lie to me some times. Like if they are trying to use remote access and it doesn't work... well are you at home right now? "Yes" Then I a few minutes later I get ANOTHER story, that they are in the office. Well remote access isn't going to work when you are behind the firewall... why are you trying to access it here anyway?

Or when I ask if they've rebooted, they say yes, I remote in and check the task manager, which tells me a different story...

And usually these are not older people I'm dealing with!
 

Death

gh0d (Administrator)
Never underestimate the ability of a person to rationalize away why they're an idiot.

Or, somewhat less cynically, the common inability to admit to screwing up (yes, guilty as charged, at times).
 

Tigerhawk

Captain
Never underestimate the ability of a person to rationalize away why they're an idiot.

Which reminds me of these little numbers:
 

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frostytheplebe

Seventh Part of the Seal
Never underestimate the ability of a person to rationalize away why they're an idiot.

Or, somewhat less cynically, the common inability to admit to screwing up (yes, guilty as charged, at times).

I should note though that this is all covered under what we call the ID_10-T error.
 
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