An Interesting Fanfic that I would like some feedback on

A

Arcadian15

Spaceman
Hey everyone. I've just finished an interesting couple of stories that I've been working on. They're based off of the WC universe, in a Privateering kind of storyline, but with completely different characters than are featured in any WC game (for the most part).

I've also got a good explanation for the existence of the Privateer 2 universe and the Confederation universe. They're both used in my stories.

I know I said they were interesting fanfics well there are two reasons why.

1. They're more than just fanfics. They're word files with pictures in them and are pretty long(17 some pages for the first story).
2. One of the coolest things about the wc games was the background info provided in the manuals. I've tried to do a lot of that with the webpage where they're located, and the background info I use to write the stories that I make available.

So check them out @
http://www.personal.kent.edu/~rkdean/wc/

and tell me what you think about them.

Thanks a lot in advance to anyone who looks them over and lets me know what they think.

Arcadian
Your Friendly Neighborhood Spiderman
 
wow no replies. A couple of views but no replies. I know I'm kinda new at this but come on . . .

Joking.

Allright. So here is a little something more to entice you.



-----------------
The Kilrathi Gothri rested heavily on the pneumatic lifts supporting it. Arcadian lay on his back underneath the fighter ship. The small rectangular computer attached to his arm imaged the parts of the fighter with its sensors.

"Well shit! Half of these wires and relays are busted. I can't imagine that this thing would be any more responsive than a fighter from the first days of the war. Magpie! We're going to have to almost completely overhaul the conduits in this." Arcadian said.

Magpie walked into the cargo bay of the Galaxy cargo ship. The Galaxy model ships had once been the poor mans cargo ship in most of confed space. 20 years ago they were found everywhere acting as transports for anyone that couldn’t' afford a drayman, which was pretty much anyone who didn't belong to a corporation. With the technology leaps of today a normal Galaxy that had not been overhauled and outfitted with newer engines and systems was an antique. An overhauled galaxy was rarely seen outside of poor mining or agricultural colonies. They were used mostly for short cargo trips to loading centers and passenger transport runs.



The AIS (Arcadian Interplanetary Starship) Roy Rogers, was definitely overhauled. It was equipped with technology and engines that far outclassed what confed was using these days. However, for Arcadian Interplanetary it was standard technology. Right now the Roy Rogers was utilizing its Prometheus engines to full capacity. Invisible tracks of radiation were extended outwards in front of the ship, stretching forward to the jump point in the Trk' Phan system.
-------------


By the by I changed the stories over to HTML files, with optional word file download. Makes more sense to me now. Find the stories under the narrarative data files section

[Edited by Arcadian15 on 07-20-2001 at 16:19]
 
So I've seen a lot of views, but has anyone gone to the sight and read the stories? If so could ja give some feedback. I'm hoping for a little review of the work.\

Danke again to all who read them.
 
Long Way

Mmmmmhhh...
I've read Long Way... it's not bad, the story's intriguing, the reader follows through fairly easily...

Some pieces of advice though: you might want to cut down on the repetitions, for example "Mjlnor" is repeated far too many times...
Also try to give some more specs on the modified fighters, go into details, like Forstchen does... :)

I read only up to Sector 3...
The description of the dogfight is quite good, we really are into it! :)
But again, avoid repetitions.

e.g.
(next to the Devil Ray (?) pic

"Ki-Rin collided with the Devil Ray.
To the pilot of the Vaktoth saw Ki-Rin collide with the devil ray."
Click to expand...
What the hell does this mean? ;-)

Also some minor spelling mistakes...

e.g.

The pilot fired its afterburners

NOT

The pilot fired it's afterburners

Other than that, it's all good! Spice it up a bit with more descriptive details, maybe spice up the relationship between Magpie and Arcadian, and that should do it for now.
The dialogues are great!
 
Unfortunately college summer classes make me do my fun writing around 2 or 3 in the AM. :) they end this thursday though and that is when I'm going to do my revision work.
Also I tried to write the first story so that it would make sense to peeps who havent' played the WC games.

I'm also going to try to make it a little more interactive. I'm going to do an Unreal level of the main ship and the starbase that eventually gets built by the cats.

[Edited by Arcadian15 on 07-31-2001 at 16:31]
 
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