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LOAF's Merry Guild!


News as of 15th October


Guild Hierarchy

Guild Rules and Conditions

  1. Set your organization in newsgroup properties to "LOAF's Merry Guild" (NOT "The Book of LOAF" as previously stated)
  2. Obey your superiors
  3. Turn up to any guild meetings which will be arranged 2 minutes before the start of the meeting. The meetings will take place in the guild channel, #LM-Guild
  4. Fulfill your position in the Guild during official Guild business (i.e. any Disgruntled Men found being happy in the presence of Baron von LOAF will be severely disciplined)
  5. LOAF's Merry Guild accepts no responsibility for any harm, mental or physical, caused by membership of the Guild, reading this page, or anything else.
  6. Show up in #LM-Guild on DALnet as often as possible so we know you aren't MIA
  7. Awards may be awarded by the Baron, or the UberCrid under direct authorization of the Baron.
  8. Whenever you see Brooke Shields on TV... you have to yell "SHIELDS UP" and really mean it.
  9. All Guildsmen must at all times be actively pursuing or considering the assassination of noted science fiction writer Harlan Ellison.
  10. Do not eat cinammon buns around the Poliwhirls. It disturbs them.
  11. Only Baron von LOAF is exempt from these rules and conditions.


Guild members

The Baron:
Baron von LOAF

UberCrid
ChrisReid

SubCrids:
Johnny
Edward Pang
Death
TC

Cyons:
(Father) C777
-empty-
-empty-
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Dismal Legionnaire:
The Kurgan - RIP

Hadribrain Collective
Hadrian
Sivar

Acolytes
Cpl Hades
ace-1

First Brigand:
Psychopath

SubBrigands:
Jibbo
SageNate
Excellerator
Skyfox
Raptor
Hellbringer
Brain Bug
Spooky
Phoenix

SubLOAF:
Trelane

SubTre:
Wildfire
Halman
Frosty
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Centaurians:
Dis Pater
Ansi
Klaus
TyeDyeBoy
Cricket
Twister

Disgruntled Men:


asTer0id
Vinman^
Samcat
Hellfire
Cronoss

Spacedust
Maverick
Greywolf
Grimloc
Akira

Knight
Meson
Ladiesman
Earthworm
MNelson

Fodder
Iceheart
Zer00
Filler
WildWeasel

Contact the Baron to join.


Propaganda


Awards

Acolyte Cpl Hades

Acolyte Cpl Hades
UberCrid ChrisReid

Former Acolyte Midnight

SubCrid TC

From left to right: The Medal of a Picture of SkyLab, The Medal of a Picture of the Apollo 1 Mission Patch, The Medal of a Picture of Jennifer Love Hewitt & The Medal of a Pink Fish Clock that LOAF Has.


LOAF's Merry Links

Clorox.com
Pepperidge Farm Goldfish
Newt.org
AHH
Miller!
Marsha Pr0N
Two Headed Dog Pr0n
DREX


MarZBall

MarZBall is an exciting new computer game from Michael Medes and the team at Medes Systems, Inc.

Read the FAQ.

Play the text-based alpha.

And coming soon: Pakistan Sucks 3D!


PROMOTIONAL ADVERTISEMENT


Night of the 100 Trelanes


Trelane, Trelane, Trelane, Trelane, Trelane, Trelane, Trelane, Trelane, Trelane, Trelane, Trelane, Trelane, Trelane, Trelane, Trelane, Trelane, Trelane, Trelane, Trelane, Trelane, Trelane, Trelane, Trelane, Trelane, Trelane, Trelane, Trelane, Trelane, Trelane, Trelane, Trelane, Trelane, Trelane, Trelane, Trelane, Trelane, Trelane, Trelane, Trelane, Trelane, Trelane, Trelane, Trelane, Trelane, Trelane, Trelane, Trelane, Trelane, Trelane, Trelane, Trelane, Trelane, Trelane, Trelane, Trelane, Trelane, Trelane, Trelane, Trelane, Trelane, Trelane, Trelane, Trelane, Trelane, Trelane, Trelane, Trelane, Trelane, Trelane, Trelane, Trelane, Trelane, Trelane, Trelane, Trelane, Trelane, Trelane, Trelane, Trelane, Trelane, Trelane, Trelane, Trelane, Trelane, Trelane, Trelane, Trelane, Trelane, Trelane, Trelane, Trelane, Trelane, Trelane, Trelane, Trelane, Trelane, Trelane, Trelane, Trelane, Trelane.


TV's Kerri-Lee Memorial


Uniform
To be worn on the right shoulder.
Officer's sword.
Standard issue knife.
Officer's cap. May be worn by anyone holding the rank of SubLOAF and above. Purchaseable here.


Tennets of LOAF
1) LOAF is America's greatest hero.
2) LOAF won the nobel prize for hat wearing in 1907.
3) LOAF is 50 percent water -- that's less water than you!
4) LOAF sees everything in terms of black & white & orange.
5) If LOAF were a flavor, the only flavor would be GRAPE!
6) LOAF smells like a highlighter pen... and is twice as handsome!
7) LOAF has caused more helicopter incidents than any other nation!
8) LOAF supports the Force Feedback movement!
9) LOAF once killed a hippie... and ate it.
10) If LOAF were a bag, he would be the bag you put Tasty-Cakes in.
11) LOAF knows more about seals than you.
12) LOAF's favorite flavor of gum is no gum at all!
13) LOAF keeps all his pencils sharpened... with the power of the lord!
14) LOAF loses 52 percent of his quality when encoded into realmedia formats!
15) LOAF has never made a viagra joke!
16) LOAF was once elected president of drainage ditch 145... by default.
17) LOAF killed himself a bear... when he was only three times its size.
18) LOAF can make liquid into balls... and balls into liquids.
19) LOAF is the worlds 177th highest source of good vibrations.
20) LOAF lost both his legs in Korea... and got them back in Viet-nam.
21) LOAF once wore a bandana... for six days.
22) LOAF hopes to order pizza over the internet.
23) LOAF often adds the letter 'i' or 'e' before things with no regard for common sense.


Anthem
Noted composer Acolyte ace-1 has created the Guild's anthem. Click here to download the mp3.


Song
(Written by Centaurian Twister)

Baron von LOAF am I, of proud descent;
True to the Merry Guild I remain until death.
A Guild Member am I, free and fearless.
To the Baron I have always given honour.
You, my God and Lord, are my shield, on You I rely.
On You I will build; never leave me,
So that I may remain pious, Your servant at all moments,
Dispelling the tyranny that wounds my heart.


Flag


Tesla

Important facts about Nikolai Tesla, America's most dangerous super-criminal!

  • Credited with saying that "there is always an excuse -- but never a reason."
  • Credited with saying that "there is a time for all things."
  • First theorized that Dolphins could talk when attached to computers.
  • Invented America.
  • Created so-called 'infernal' machines.
  • Invented the Tesla Coil, a giant series of superconductors capable of destroying even the most powerful seige tank, while seeking to create a lightweight foil bomb.
  • Died in 1988.
  • Expressed regret that the Tesla Coil had not been perfected in time to be used during the 1950 14 day war, just before dying.
  • Helped develop substances used to produce Tang in the 1970s while working on developing a polyeurythimic compoudn capable of sustaning zero gravity for lengthened periods.
  • Creator of the original UseNet.
  • Posted the first UseNet message, to alt.fan.nikolai-tesla.
  • Helped create the Internet
  • Partially to blame for the horrible superbowl halftime show.
  • Made C&C suck.


Rank Information
Note that this information is currently not complete.

Political Branch

The political wing is the first branch of LMG. It is headed by a single Chief Political Officer, the UberCrid (O2). The UberCrid is appointed by the Baron, and holds the power to veto any Guild action not effected by the Baron himself. The rank of UberCrid is equal in grade & pay to Acolyte and SubLOAF, although it carries a technical seniority over the other two.

The UberCrid holds direct command over a cadre of four SubCrids (O1), who act as advisors. SubCrids are appointed by the Baron with the consent of the UberCrid, or vice versa. As a SubCrids are typically assigned to field operations, they are often utilized as advisors by the Baron himself. SubCrids are equal in grade and pay to Brigands and SubTre's, although the rank carries a technical seniority. Due to the importance of the rank, no SubCrid position may be left unfilled.

(Note: in the event that the position of UberCrid is dissolved (see above) the four SubCrids will be promoted to O2 status and be awarded extra duties.)

Also attached to the political wing are the newly formed enlisted position, Cyons (E3). All Cyons are promoted from promising candidates among the pool of existing Disgruntled Men. There may be no more than five Cyons at any one time, and all are appointed by existing SubCrids. An enlisted Guildsman must have reached the rank of Cyon before being considered for officer training.

Military Branch

A pair of Acolytes (O2) have direct command over the military branch of the Guild, which consists of highly trained Brigand officers and a cadre of enlisted Disgruntled Men. Although the term 'Acolyte' seems to connote a religious idea, none exists in actuality: the Acolytes are experienced military officers apointed to the position by the Baron. The two Acolytes are equal in seniority, and are expected to work both together and individually to present options to the Baron. The position is equal in grade and pay to SubCrid and SubLOAF, although it is the 'middle ground' of the three with regards to seniority. The Acolytes each command a group of five Brigands.

The rank of Brigand (O2) is divided into two different positions: First Brigand and SubBrigand. The position of 'First Brigand' is honorary, and one holding said rank posseses no technical seniority over the other nine Brigands. The position is filled based In practice, the First Brigand is usually assigned higher level command duties as a result of his experience.

Although all three branches gain officer candidates from the pool of Disgruntled Men (E1), it is the Military Branch which holds direct line of succession (and therefore direct command) over the DM. The Guild is planned for nominal operations with twenty DM slots, although more or less can exist depending on situational demands. Disgruntled Men are volunteers accepted from every walk of life -- any individual may be trained and put into service as a Disgruntled Man.

Engineering Branch

The Engineering Branch of the Guild is, according to official literature, responsible for "all Grand Works". It was with this in mind that the Baron created the position of SubLOAF (O2) and staffs it with only the very best officers. Although SubLOAF is, according to the chain of command, inferior to an UberCrid or an Acolyte it is the only position created for someone with broad and expansive knowledge. Those commanding and staffing the engineering branch must be 'jacks of all trades', capable of lending their skill and experience to combat and non-combat situations alike.

The SubLOAF holds command over a group of five SubTres, named for the first (and to date) only SubLOAF. SubTre's are appointed only by the SubLOAF, and are to be decided upon based on their ability to replace the SubLOAF should the need arise. Only the most trusted, promising officers are made SubTre.

The SubTre's collectively hold dominion over a group of Centaurians (E2), who are promoted from Disgruntled Men for their experience in 'behind the scenes'-type operations.

Other Positions

The rank, pay and purpose of other positions, such as the Dismal Legionnaire and the HadriBrain are classified. All operate outside the chain of command, reporting only to the Baron himself.


Football

LOAF, Owner

WildWeasel, General Manager

Hadrian, Cheerleader Captain

Fodder & Ladiesman, Superfans

MNelson, Concessions


The LMG web site was originally designed by Acolytes Hades and later butchered by Baron LOAF.