Story Ideas

casperXJ

Spaceman
If anyone has any ideas for my novel, please feel free to post them here.

Please include where you have read to.

Thanks!
 
Looks great, I've read all 8 of them so far, and am looking forward to charpter 9. You might want to consider putting the characters names in front of their quotes sorta like a script for a play so there's no confusion as to who's talking ;)
 
Alright, I'm going to post early (since I'm planning on reading a chapter a day it would take me a while to give you feedback) so some of my observations mihgt be explained later but I've read the Prologue and I've got some questions/observations (disclaimer: this is your project so you do whatever you want to , but these are my suggestions):

Is this live fire? Like if the missile actually hits, Confed is going to be short a few pilots?

In my opinion there is way too much chatter going on in battle. I was uncomfortable with the pre-engagement stuff, but the in combat banter really rubbed me the wrong way.

Why Arrows? At this point I figure the Arrow was being relegated to ISS and such (being replaced by the Piranha).

Stealth Arrows were painted by a missiles radar? That's some powerful radar.

Your ODIN missile bears a striking resemblance to the Tracker MIRV. Plus, while we're on the subject, missiles spoof pretty easily in the Prophecy era, I don't think it takes a wonderful pilot to evade one.

I would recommend staying away from exact speed quotes. Speed in WC is relative and is a pretty hotly contested subject.

The missile is supposedly moving at twice the speed of the Arrow, but yet we have time for a conversation and a really weird manuever to be set up when it is only ' a few meters from his exhaust ports'. Plus if I had built this missile as an interceptor, I would have rigged it for a proximity blast.

If this missile is supposed to be so great, why is it duped by some kind of Top Gun ' I'm going to take him down the left side!' manuever? THis is suposed to be this great new missile and the first test of it will be a complete failure? Not so good. Then it actually gets 'frustrated' and explodes? Not so good at all.

THe Midway-class only has 2 landing bays, you're letting them land in tube 3. Plus if this carrier is about ot be commandeered by the Andorrans (BTW, I may be totally off base here, but who the hell are the andorrans - besides sounding like a Star Trek rip-off race?) a Midway has a full complement of Marines and a bunch of other personnel who aren't going to go quitely, and it was taken over in the time it took to run an interceptor test? Not really beleiveable.

Speaking of Andorrans, where are they in relation to Confed space?

Like I said I may be way off base here after just reading the Prologue, but if I hadn;t told myself I was going to read this thing since I'm so far behind on Holding the Line, I'd stop reading right now because I'm confused and have alot more questions about the technical aspects of the story than about the story itself. if this is a little more harsh than you were looking for, I'm sorry, but that's my prologue review :).

C-ya
 
Viper61 said:
Alright, I'm going to post early (since I'm planning on reading a chapter a day it would take me a while to give you feedback) so some of my observations mihgt be explained later but I've read the Prologue and I've got some questions/observations (disclaimer: this is your project so you do whatever you want to , but these are my suggestions):

Actually, many of your questions get answered pretty soon afterwards in the text.

Is this live fire? Like if the missile actually hits, Confed is going to be short a few pilots?

Yes.

Why Arrows? At this point I figure the Arrow was being relegated to ISS and such (being replaced by the Piranha).

They are not standard Arrows--they are recon Arrows, outfitted with cloaks and other stealth systems.

Stealth Arrows were painted by a missiles radar? That's some powerful radar.

I think the idea here is that the Stealth Arrows would be the hardest target for a missile to track, so this is the "iron test" for the ODIN.

Your ODIN missile bears a striking resemblance to the Tracker MIRV. Plus, while we're on the subject, missiles spoof pretty easily in the Prophecy era, I don't think it takes a wonderful pilot to evade one.

Not really. The Artemis missile (ELRIR used in WCP) has a spoof rate of 25%, which means that three decoys will give about a 50% chance of spoofing, while six decoys will be needed to give a 75-80% chance of spoofing.

Finally, regarding speed, in several places in later chapters, speed is given as kph instead of kps. I think this is a typo.
 
Update

Okay, after talking with Viper61 and tccgi, I've made the following changes to the prologue:

- ODIN has "paintball" warhead
- cut some combat dialogue
- Slate is now dodging during conversation
- changed speeds to klicks
- added test observation craft
- land on tube 2
- some other minor changes

Also, Chapter 9 is now up (though in a rough form), though I doubt many people have got that far.

Thanks to Viper61 and tccgi for their suggestions! :)
 
Did you get my email the other day XJ? I'm about to send some info on chapters 7-9 in a little while.

C-ya
 
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