Justified Cause...

Dralthi5

Spaceman
Okay, for those who have been here a while, you might know that I've dabbled in WC fan fiction, and that most of my output has been pretty... well, crappy. But recently my interest in WC has been waxing (as opposed to waning), and I've had the desire to revisit the world of WC "literature," and of course I use the word very loosely. In the two or three years since last I wrote a WC fan fiction, I've been writing my own stuff set in my own worlds. I'm working on my magnum opus right now, and a particular author who we are all familiar with has offered to put me in contact with his agent. However, I thought it would be fun to work on a new WC story once I finish what I'm doing now. Here are my ideas:

It is 2691, ten years since the Nephilim scare. Confed is thriving under the aging President James Taggart, who is now working closely with Melek in drafting a new constitution for the Kilrathi people. Elsewhere, the Union of Border Worlds is shattered by economic depression and disease, and the Landreich Republic, divided between the warring Bondarevsky and Galbraith factions, is on its last leg. Throughout Vega Sector, Confed interests are threatened by escalating attacks by hostile Kilrathi forces, rumored to be funded from the coffers of the High Priest of the Cult of Sivar. And from Gemini Sector, militia forces commanded by Jonas Hart, a former Confed soldier, are murdering innocent Kilrathi, citing the attacks in Vega Sector as a justification for their actions.

Colonel Lance Casey, a seasoned Space Force veteran, has been flying a desk at Sol Station for the past six months, per his request, in an effort to spend more time with his wife and two sons, Christopher and Michael. However, he is given orders by his superior, Rear-Admiral Vincent Wilcox, to take command of the Wing on the TCS Matterhorn, a Vesuvius-class carrier patrolling Vega Sector. The transfer orders are requested by ConFleet Chief of Staff, Admiral Kevin Tolwyn.

That's the basic story idea. Paladin, Maniac, Melek, Maestro, Finley, Kevin Tolwyn, and Adm. Terrell all make appearances, as well as a couple of characters from my previous stories (i.e. Justin Overstreet as Hart's second-in-command, Milo Campbell as a disgruntled squadron commander). I don't know when I'll get around to actually writing the story, but I have the plot in my head, and it should be fun. Tell me what you think.
 

Malar

Spaceman
Promising & authentic story base. :)

An fascinating idea, too: A kilrathi point of view.
An adventure based of the sight, motivations and feelings about some Kilrathi.
imperial, privateers or only civilian citizen kils.

Because the aliens of WC are the only sympatic elements of it, I mean.
The rest of WC is a (average) US mentality (the imagination about rangs, tactics, designs and their analogies to the earth military history) touched military science fiction (like Forever War or Starship Troopers - I know, bad examples).
 

Viper61

Spaceman
Interesting . . .
Thats alot of WC characters each with a long history to draw from, thats taking a big bite in the research dept. (not to mention creating believable transitions from Kevin, Bear, etc last known posts to their current ones) :)
I'd read it ;)

C-ya
 

Dralthi5

Spaceman
Well, I've had more than six years to hone my WC knowledge. Plus, there's the CIC's encyclopedia, which will be helpful considering most of my WC stuff is still at home, except for Prophecy, WC1, and the movie on DVD.
 

Quarto

Unknown Enemy
Hey, nice to see you again, Dralthi5.

I'm working on my magnum opus right now, and a particular author who we are all familiar with has offered to put me in contact with his agent.
Getting an agent is supposed to be one of the toughest things for beginner writers, so good luck with that :).

About your story idea... despite your claims about the crappiness of your previous stories, I always rather enjoyed them (except for the last chapter of that first one, which you somehow managed to spoil :p), so I'd definitely be interested in reading this story, but I must say it sounds to me like you're trying to use existing characters too much. Having Paladin as the president of the Confederation, for example - considering how old Paladin is (I don't remember his year of birth, but he must be about 80 years old in 2691), it seems unlikely that he'd still be active in politics, let alone be the president. That Landreich situation has definitely got my curiosity, though.
 

Dralthi5

Spaceman
Hey, Quarto. Well, I'm not exactly trying to use preexisting characters, that's just sort of how it worked out. Most of them are mere "cameos," anyway. As for Paladin being President, well, I think I'll stick with that.
 

Dralthi5

Spaceman
Okay, not to bump up my own thread, because I hate it when people do that, but I think I'm going to start writing this thing sometime this week. So expect a first chapter by Saturday. I know you're all holding your breath. :rolleyes:
 

Dralthi5

Spaceman
Okay, well, although seemingly nobody cares, I actually finished the first chapter just now. I'm going for simple here, so it's not too involved. Enjoy!

PS: Hopefully, nobody has trouble downloading the .doc file.
 

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Viper61

Spaceman
Very well written. Though I don't personally agree with some of the "15 years later" choices (hell, you aren't gonna please everyone, so you might as well write it your way :) ), its a great start to what seems to be a wonderful story (the story elements of all the great WC narratives - especially 3 and 4 - are fun to revisit).
I have to say that its fun to read something that is very reminiscent of your own writing style (though, admittedly, superior :) ) without having put forth the effort of writing it ;). Keep it up. I look forward to chapter 2.

C-ya
 

Mekt-Hakkikt

Mpanty's bane
Hi, I hope I haven't been out too long of WC business to give some constructive critisicsm and I hope my avatar doesn't let you dismiss my propositions at once :)

I never cared too much for fan fic as I wanted to stick to the "canon" but your story woke my interest and I like it. OK, seeing that you're going to get an agent, this isn't much praise from someone like me but anyway.

Some nitpicking details:

-Seeing that WCP is in 2681 and your Casey is an 15-year veteran and near forty, your story seems to be located mopre around the later 2690s. Though you don't stat explicitly the year, thus you're fine.

- General Bowen ok, but General Marshall? Though why not, he seems to change in attitude with SOPS.

- If the Wasp still serves the same duty in your time as in 2681, I don't think that a wing of Wasps would have been sent out to investigate some unknown bogies, as they are more short-range interceptors, point-defense fighters.

- I don't think that Casey knew Hawk long or well enough to call him "old buddy"

- Don't know if it's appropriate to speak of "churches" for the cult of sivar.

- Maybe it's a simple typo but it's "Port Hedland" not "Hudland" IIRC

- Iceman was killed in the "B'shriss" system

Well, that's it. You some points to make your story stick more to the known WC universe. Of course, everyone of my points can be dismissed and it's still the good start of a promising story.

I like the idea of Stiletto being married (completely against her WCP caracter but people change, especially when children arrive as you wrote yourself) and the name "TCS Matterhorn".
 

Dralthi5

Spaceman
Thanks for the comments, guys! They're really nice.

Mekt, you gave the most detailed comments, so allow me to respond:

-My (perhaps flawed) reasoning: Casey was born in 2656, and according to my research he took a couple years off after highschool before he joined the Academy, so this puts him around twenty, and the year at around 2676. Four years at the Academy, plus maybe about a year ferrying diplomats around with Maestro, before going to the Midway in 2681. My story is ten years later, 2691, and Casey is about 35 years old, "just shy of forty." Okay, I don't know if five years can be considered "just shy," but cut me some slack. :) And when I say "fifteen year veteran," I'm including his Academy years, which some might not agree with it, but I'll let it slide.

-Oh, you'll see Maniac later. I mean, the guy's gotta mature eventually, right? They made an attempt at this in WCIV (my favorite portrayal of Maniac), but made him Biff from Back to the Future again in Prophecy, which I was disappointed by.

-The Wasp thing is nitpicking, friend. :p Sorry, but I never paid much attention to the actual purposes of fighters. I mean, I know what a bomber does and that you wouldn't send an Arrow to take down a carrier, but, anyway, I don't think it's a big deal, but your point is taken.

-"Old buddy." It's really just a figure of speech.

-I use the term churches loosely. Whatever the Cult worships in (and I think it's a foregone conclusion that they're worshipping Sivar), a couple humans, and white males to boot, would likely just ascribe the generic term churches to them.

-Hedlund, yeah, it's a typo if its Hudlund. I never noticed the mistake. Thanks.

-"B'Shriss." Thanks, I was working off the top of my head there.

It's the Thanksgiving season, and I also have a ten page history paper to write, and my own worlds to work in, so Part Two might not come around until Christmas (but, then, again, I'll probably get around to it sooner than I think!). But, I will make it as good as I can, and keep you guys entertained. Thanks! :D
 

t.c.cgi

Vice Admiral
I think they were refered to as temples in Freedom Flight. But it's been a while since I read it so I'm not sure about that.
 

Mekt-Hakkikt

Mpanty's bane
You're welcome Dralthi. You keep things as you like, they really were just details.

And I apologize for the terrible English I put on in my last post but it was 2 am and I was sooo tired.

Good luck with your paper, thanksgiving and of course the story.

:cool:
 
Typo: Ghorah Khar - you left out an 'h'. :p
Related: [Paladin's first dialog] "You be lucky you're ... " Shouldn't this be "You're lucky you're ... "?

The thing with Casey's wife feels a little too sentimental for my taste. Andrea seems a little too weak of character... Then again, what the heck would I know, right? :)
Other than that, I get the impression there will be some drama ahead. That's a game with high stakes; overdo it and the whole thing falls. Be careful. *Awaits the next entry :)*
 

Dralthi5

Spaceman
Ghorah Khar. Right. Yeah, Paladin's dialogue is a little fucked up. I think I was going for "You be thankful..." but it didn't quite come out that way. :rolleyes:

And I have to defend my characterization of Casey's wife. She's based off a friend of mine... And drama is to be human. So, yes, there will be drama. But this is a sci-fi fan fiction, not a soap opera, so don't worry. :)
 

Quarto

Unknown Enemy
I still haven't had time to read this, but a few comments about the comments... :p

Dralthi5 said:
-The Wasp thing is nitpicking, friend. :p Sorry, but I never paid much attention to the actual purposes of fighters. I mean, I know what a bomber does and that you wouldn't send an Arrow to take down a carrier, but, anyway, I don't think it's a big deal, but your point is taken.
I'd have to disagree there... it's a pretty important point, I think. I mean, if you use a Wasp for some kind of long-range mission, you might as well try using Piranhas to take down carriers. You're writing about the WCP era, so you should try to make it feel like the WCP era, where fighters are much more specialised than they used to be.

-I use the term churches loosely. Whatever the Cult worships in (and I think it's a foregone conclusion that they're worshipping Sivar), a couple humans, and white males to boot, would likely just ascribe the generic term churches to them.
The word 'church' has a very specific meaning - they are places of worship for Christians (and yes, that does mean that the Retros are some kind of sub-Christian sect). Other religions either have their own specific terms (eg., mosque, synagogue), or use the generic word 'temple'.

Keep in mind, by the way, that seemingly insignificant detains are often extremely important, because they can break the feeling of immersion that comes when you read a good story. So, while it is of course your right to ignore people's nitpicks, don't forget that they wouldn't be pointing this stuff out if it didn't bother them.
 

Dralthi5

Spaceman
Eat penguin shit, you ass-spelunkers... just keeding! :-D

Okay, per Quarto's admonishing tone, I've edited a few things. Will Piranhas work instead of Wasps? :rolleyes:

Thanks again, guys.
 

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