Justified Cause, Part Two...

Dralthi5

Spaceman
Here it is, folks. Enjoy, and leave comments, please!
 

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Viper61

Spaceman
People are busy ;). I'm really enjoying the story so far, the references to all the other WC sources is fun and the attack on the transports is so reminiscent of Seethers attack in the opening of WC4. But there are a few things that bothered me.

The transports are Dorkir? This was a Kilrathi Assembly of Clans operation and they are gonna use a half-century old transport? I don't think they would employ these any longer but who knows?

"But Brax was now beware of those without honor" - aware?

If you are gonna be using the old Dorkir transport, you probably wouldn't need so many torpedoes (hell you wouldn't need torpedoes at all) to do the job.

"While the supercarrier was a veritable powerhouse, it certainly did not pack the same punch as the Midway" - the Vesuvius packs more punch than the Midway. It carries more fighters, more heavy engagement weapons, more armor, etc.

The Caernaven is a frigate and would have probably been long retired by now (it was old in WC4).

You may have created a problem by putting Casey onboard a Vesuvius carrier. You seem to be mixing the duties of CAG (a Navy post IIRC) and the Wing Commnder. Also, on a Vesuvius, Casey would be 1 of 4 Wing Commanders. His wing wouldn't be the only ones called upon to do the work.

You're gonna task Vampires and Devastators to go after a single half-century old cruiser task force? Sounds more like Panther and Shrike IMHO. Plus, the bad guys aren't the only ones who have cloaking technology now. Caseys wing could take advantage of that fact when attacking the task force, or when he's being hounded by missiles/fighters :).

"threw a salute to his grinning fighter captain, who " - I'm not really sure, but is the chief tech of a fighter called its "captain"?

"At Nav 2, the Jefferson had been targeted by a flight of Dralthi IVs, with several Shok’lars in reserve" - unless they've been retrofitted to carry torps, there is no reason for them to even engage a Plunkett, or the plunkett to even be slowed by their attack.

They don't have enough fuel to go after the Dralthis, but they do to go ahead with the patrol to maybe mix it up at another nav point? Seems if they were that low, they'd bail on hitting the last nav and head for home.

Caseys wing actually failed the mission (letting some of the enemy escape) and there was no subsequent conversation with the Captain?

Anyway, just some things I saw that lept to my attention. Great story, keep it up :D.

C-ya
 

Dralthi5

Spaceman
Ah, you make it so difficult. :)

The transports are Dorkir? This was a Kilrathi Assembly of Clans operation and they are gonna use a half-century old transport? I don't think they would employ these any longer but who knows?

Let's pretend these are a new class of Dorkirs, with shields (hence, torpedoes). ;)

"But Brax was now beware of those without honor" - aware?

I meant beware, but maybe it doesn't work here. I don't know.

"While the supercarrier was a veritable powerhouse, it certainly did not pack the same punch as the Midway" - the Vesuvius packs more punch than the Midway. It carries more fighters, more heavy engagement weapons, more armor, etc.

Well, I just meant that the Midway was an entire carrier group in one, while the Vesuvius was just a carrier. Not suggesting the Vesuvius was a weakling by any means.

The Caernaven is a frigate and would have probably been long retired by now (it was old in WC4).

Gotcha.

You may have created a problem by putting Casey onboard a Vesuvius carrier. You seem to be mixing the duties of CAG (a Navy post IIRC) and the Wing Commnder. Also, on a Vesuvius, Casey would be 1 of 4 Wing Commanders. His wing wouldn't be the only ones called upon to do the work.

Seriously? Dammit, that certainly makes things more complicated. Where was it cited that the Vesuvius has four wings, just out of curiosity?

You're gonna task Vampires and Devastators to go after a single half-century old cruiser task force? Sounds more like Panther and Shrike IMHO. Plus, the bad guys aren't the only ones who have cloaking technology now. Caseys wing could take advantage of that fact when attacking the task force, or when he's being hounded by missiles/fighters :).

Well, cloaking does drain a fighter's energy, does it not? Plus, how exciting would it be to have them cloak, blow up the bad guys, and run away without any suspense or drama?

"threw a salute to his grinning fighter captain, who " - I'm not really sure, but is the chief tech of a fighter called its "captain"?

Well, in real life, the guy in charge of the fighter is called the plane captain, just so you know.

"At Nav 2, the Jefferson had been targeted by a flight of Dralthi IVs, with several Shok’lars in reserve" - unless they've been retrofitted to carry torps, there is no reason for them to even engage a Plunkett, or the plunkett to even be slowed by their attack.

Sure, they've been outfitted with torpedoes. Why not?

They don't have enough fuel to go after the Dralthis, but they do to go ahead with the patrol to maybe mix it up at another nav point? Seems if they were that low, they'd bail on hitting the last nav and head for home.

Fine.

Caseys wing actually failed the mission (letting some of the enemy escape) and there was no subsequent conversation with the Captain?

Actually, the mission was to eliminate the cruiser, which they did. Bagging every single enemy was just a suggestion by the captain, basically.

Okay, so it looks like I have some work to do. Although I'm not really sure how I'll fix some those things, Vipe. Geez, but you guys are picky. :p
 

Mekt-Hakkikt

Mpanty's bane
As nice as chapter one.

I especially like it when the perspective of the Kilrathi is shown and most of your references to other WC caracters (Lynch, the Yan...) but I think somebody warned you already not too put too much of old caracters into it.

I do back up all of Viper's remarks, they'd make the story more fitting to the WC universe in my eyes too.

Personally, I only have to add one little thing: your Kilrathi Brax seems extraordinary liberal. ;)

One of his wingmen actually questions his statement that there might be enemies (I don't know if "unfriendlies" is a good term used by a Kilrathi but I am no native English speaker). From what I read about Kilrathi, the questioning of authority is seen very badly, as an Insult even, but Brax just admits he might be wrong. He's also very friendly towards the Confederation, a bit too friendly/admiring maybe. Though I think it's fitting for Melek.

Brax can of course be well explained with that he's a) rather a post-Kilrathi-war Kilrathi thus already raised in the new spirit and b) not a noble, so they might be less strict.
Thus you can consider my remarks or ignore them, it doesn't necessarily make Brax a less convincing Kilrathi.

What a unpleasant person this Campbell - Casey is allowing him much.

Good story! :)
 

Dralthi5

Spaceman
Heh, heh. Yes, Campbell is a dick. If you read my old story "Tooth and Claw" Campbell was still that way, if a tad less bitter, since he was only a nugget.

RE: "Unfriendlies." Well, Angel uses the word in the Movie, so we know it can be used, and of course the Kilrathi are not speaking English, so...

Anyway, I've made some changes. Frieze is now the CAG, and there are other wings on the Matterhorn. The carrier's C.O. is namless, and probably will remain that way (ala Captain Thorn in WC1). There's been some changes in fighter and ship-classes, too.

You guys keep me on my toes, that's for sure, but I love ya for it! :D Let me know if there's anything else to look at.
 

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Mekt-Hakkikt

Mpanty's bane
Since you love us for it, there's one king nitpicking detail I just realized:

The Vaktoths scattered, and Brax let loose with tachyon guns

No known Vaktoth variant (WC3/WCP) has Tachyon guns, they all only have one single Tachyon gun. :p You asked for it!

I didn't read that other story, maybe I should. Anyway, I don't have time right now to read it again, but rest assured, I'll be around to nitpick!

:)
 

Dralthi5

Spaceman
Well, no need to get that nitpicky, friend. But what the hell, I'll change it. :) And don't read that other story! I wrote it when I was like 15, and it's really bad. Take my word for it, dude!
 
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