I wrote a HappyMan script.

Bob McDob

Better Health Through Less Flavor
The Happy Adventures of HappyMan
"Money Can't Buy HappyNess"
A script by Bob McDob

SCENE 1: THE HAPPY HOME OF HAPPYMAN

[Establishing shot: Fade from black to a white room. Beer bottles and cans litter the floor, as well as various magazines - their names, unfortunately, too small to make out. Scroll right, where a prone stick figure comes into view, a decidedly unHappy expression on his face.]

HAPPYMAN
i'm bored ... i'm tired ... i have a hangover ... and i've watched six stick figure pr0n today. i need a life.

[Fade to black]

SCENE 2: MICKEY D'S

[Cut to an external shot of a McDonald's resteruraunt. The sun is shining brightly, establishing a Happy Mood.

Cut to inside, facing main counter. Happy Man runs around behind the counter, checking various equipment and filling various orders. He stops long enough to hand a package to a fat man obstructing our view.]

HAPPYMAN
[hurridly] thank you, come again.

[Our view is suddenly obstructed by a giant head, which diminishes rapidly, revealing a customer strolling toward the counter, his back to the camera]

HAPPYMAN
welcome to McDonald's, may I take your order?

[Cut to side view, showing HappyMan, the counter, and the patron in profile. The customer's face is indistinguishable]

CUSTOMER
[slowly, deliberately, as if suffering from mental retardation]
Yes ... I would like ...

[beat]

CUSTOMER
[screaming] YOU TO DIE

[The customer pulls out an M-60 and begins firing wildly at HappyMan. The equipment explodes as HappyMan dives behind the counter for protection. As he does, the Customer loses control of the gun's recoil, causing him to shoot out an overhead chandelier, bringing it crashing down on him and smashing him to a bloody pulp. Happyman lifts his head from above the counter]

HAPPYMAN
am ... am i dead again?

[Enter from left a row of black-clad government "suit types" with grave expressions - think The Matrix or Men in Black and you'll get the idea]

HEAD SUIT
[monotone] You killed our leader.

HAPPYMAN
[nervous, quavering voice] does that mean i'm going to die

[The Head Suit pulls out another M-60]

HEAD SUIT
If that is what you desire ...

HAPPYMAN
oh, no no, please don't kill me sir! i have so much to live for!

HEAD SUIT
Such as?

[Silence]

HEAD SUIT
It is as we expected. You shall be perfect.

[Cut to angle facing counter. We see the backs of the Suits as they close in on HappyMan]

HAPPYMAN
hey guys ... what are you doing ...

SCENE 3
[A montage of various still images. HappyMan is seen putting on a black suit similar to the ones worn in the previous scene, being led into a black limo, meeting with various high-ranking dignitaries at prestiguous functions, and generally "living the good life"]

V.O
And so, for reasons beyond his comprehension, HappyMan became through the inadvertent death of the mysterious McDonald's customer heir to a vast computer empire. HappyMan had never known such power and such luxury before, and he gobbled it up like a hungry rhinoscerous on the prowl. Little did he realize his newfound social status was to be short-lived.

SCENE 4
[Caption: SHAREHOLDER MEETING, 2004]

[Open to generic shareholder meeting, view facing podium as if we are in the audience. A large crowd has gathered, and the hum of discussion and gossip is palpable. The buzz quickly quiets as HappyMan enters from left and takes his place at the podium.

HAPPYMAN
thank you all for coming today. it is my pleasure to announce that our new operating system --

ANONYMOUS
LINUX IS TEH SUPERIAR OPERATING SYSTEM!

[Immedietly hence, a violent explosion shakes the podium. The crowd explodes in a bloody mess of flying limbs, blood and internal organs, some of which lands directly on top of our view, as if blood had been flung onto the camera lens]

HAPPYMAN
well, at least i'm not dead --

[No sooner do the words exit his mouth than a bullet-shaped object falls from the sky, landing directly at the podium. As HappyMan turns to stare at it, our entire view is engulfed by a bright, white light, following by a trully earth-shaking explosion]

[Cut to view of Earth from space. A starship, hovering in orbit, is shown firing yellow, tracer-like bullets (or what appear to be bullets) into the Earth. Tiny atomic explosions are visible as the bullets impact]

HAPPYMAN [disembodied voice]
this really blows

[As we hear those words, the sun, visible behind the Earth, slowly grows larger and larger, while everything around it - including Earth, the starship, and space itself - grows steadily brighter. The speed of the sun's growth quickens exponentially, until it completely engulfs Earth and our view of it]

THE END
 

Ghost

Emperor
Bob McDob said:
HAPPYMAN
thank you all for coming today. it is my pleasure to announce that our new operating system --

ANONYMOUS
LINUX IS TEH SUPERIAR OPERATING SYSTEM!


Hehehehehehe.
 
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