Humor. It is a difficult concept. It is not logical.

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Peace Through Superior Firepower
A Story of Creation

In the beginning was the word, and the word was God. In the beginning was God,
and all else was darkness and void, and without form. So God created the heavens and the earth. He created the sun, and the moon, and the stars, so that light might pierce the darkness. And the Earth, God divided between the land and the sea, and these He filled with many assorted creatures.

And the vile, dark, salty, slimy creatures that inhabited the murky depths of the oceans, God called sailors, and He dressed them accordingly. He gave them cute little trousers with bells at the bottom, and little flaps on their shirts to hide the hickeys on their necks. He also gave them long sideburns and shabby beards. God nicknamed them “Squids” and banished them to a lifetime at sea, so that normal folks would not have to associate with them. To further identify these unloved creatures, He called them “petty” and “commodore” instead of titles worthy of red-blooded men.

And the flaky creatures of the land, God called soldiers. And with a smile on his face, and a twinkle in His eye, and a sense of humor that only He could have, He gave them trousers too short, and covers too large, and pockets to warm their hands. And to adorn their uniforms, God gave them gadgets and gewgaws in quantities that only a dime store owner could appreciate. And He gave them emblems and crests, and baubles and bangles, and bells and whistles, and all sorts of devices that glittered and dangled. (When you are God, you tend to get carried away in a big way.) And God looked upon his creation, and saw that it was good. And funny. And so He laughed. And He laughed. And he laughed so hard that He darn near soiled Himself.

And the flighty creatures of the air, well, God was so tired from laughing that he just slapped a mail carrier uniform on the zoomies and called it a day. As an afterthought, he did a quick one-off of the Squids, put them in bass boats, and called them “Coasties”.

And on the seventh day, as you know, God rested. And on the eighth day, at 0730, God looked down upon the Earth, and was not happy. God was not happy! And do you know why God was not happy? Because the soldiers, sailors, airmen and coasties were still in the rack!

So He thought about His labors, and in His divine wisdom, He created a divine creature. And this He called “Marine”. And these Marines, who God had created in His own image, were to be masters of the land, and of the air, and of the sea. And to these Marines, He gave many wonderful uniforms. He gave them practical fighting uniforms, so that they could wage war against the forces of Satan and evil. He gave them service uniforms for their daily work and training. And He gave them evening and dress uniforms, sharp, stylish, handsome things, so that they might promenade with their ladies on Saturday night and impress the hell out of everybody! And He gave them swords, so that those who were not impressed could be dealt with accordingly. And in a moment of mercy, God gazed upon the blue oceans, saw those Squids with medical skills and granted them permission to serve with the Marines, and to wear their uniforms if they so chose. In return for this service, He called them “Corpsmen”, and gave them courage that would become legendary, for it has been said that “A Corpsman will go through the gates of Hell to get to a wounded Marine.”

And at the end of the eighth day, God looked down upon the Earth and saw that it was good. But was God happy? NO!! God was still not happy! For in the course of His labors, He had forgotten one thing. He did not have a Marine uniform for Himself. But He thought about it, and thought about it, and finally satisfied Himself in knowing that, well, not everyone can be a Marine.

Semper Fi.

Oh, and by the way, we love the hell out of the Sailors, Soldiers, Airmen and Coast Guardsmen too.
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