Cover up ops for old sins

Fenris Ulven

Spaceman
Chapter one: old friends

It was night, the major was on his way to the local pup. It was dark in the street and you could see the star. In the city you coulden see the stars becouse of the light from the fabric and the gate light, but here out on the country it was not enlighted streets, and that was one of the thing the major liked with the country. He looked up and the skies. The stars has always impressed human. While the major looked up on the skies he suddenly heared somebody whispered.
"psst, major come here" - a wispered voice
the major was suprised and without thinking he followed the voice in to small ally. There he met a man, the man was short almost a darf. it was too dark for the major to see the strangers face.
"Who are you?!" said the major
"do you not see who i am?" said the stranger
"no" said the major felling very uncomfortabel
"dont you remember TSC Nordic" -said the stranger
"oh yeah, many good memories from there, did you serve on it to?" - said teh major unsure.
"no it were the place i found you and rectruted you to the navy`s special duty (NSD)" -said the stranger
the major took a step backwards

its going to be better, i dident havemore time to write
 
Dude... If you're writing, there's no such thing as not having time for a proper spellcheck. It's flat-out scary. Not much punctuation, no capital letters at the beginning of sentences, TSC -> TCS, repetition on 'whispered'... It doesn't look professional in the least, to tell you the truth. With such a short first chapter, I have no further comments.
 
:eek: DUDEE!!!

I know that time can be short sometimes, but if you only have the time to write that little bit with its GOD AWEFUL grammar. Then write the little piece, and when you have time, come back and work on it some more until finished or in the least until it is half-done.

okay ;)
 
Sorry for my spellings mistake, here is the clean version, and by the way the first chapter (this text) isent finished yet.

Chapter one: old friends

It was night, the major was on his way to the local pup. It was dark in the street and you could see the star. In the city you cant see the stars because of the light from the fabric and the gate light, but here out on the country it was not enlighten streets, and that was one of the thing the major liked with the country. He looked up and the skies. The stars has always impressed human. While the major looked up on the skies he suddenly heard somebody whispered.
"psst, major come here" - a whispered voice
the major was surprised and without thinking he followed the voice in to small ally. There he met a man, the man was short almost a dwarf. it was too dark for the major to see the strangers face.
"Who are you?!" said the major
"do you not see who i am?" said the stranger
"no" said the major felling very uncomfortable
"don’t you remember TCS Nordic" -said the stranger
"oh yeah, many good memories from there, did you serve on it to?" - said the major unsure.
"no it were the place i found you and recruited you to the navy’s special duty (NSD)" -said the stranger
the major took a step backwards.
”I’m finished with the special duty, it’s a part of my past!” replied the major
“We do need a pilot to do some flying for us” said the stranger
“No! I’m finished with the NSD and all its illegalities! You cant force me to fly for you and your sovereigns.” Said the major
 
"So you think that I can’t force you?" asked the stranger, he continued without waiting for reply:
"I while contact you again, and then I will show you what I’m good for"- said the stranger, he disappeared into the dark alley.
He Major stood alone in the ally thinking of the strange meeting he had. After a while when he had came to himself, he walked down to the local pup were he was greeted by his old friends from the TCS Nordic.
“Hey Lars, over here!” –said one of his friends. The major sat down were his friends was, he said nothing.
”Why so quiet, trouble with your wife?” –said one of his friends loud.
”No, no problem with my wife and children….” –said the major before he was interrupted by the man next to him.
 
Hmmm...well basically what I meant was to finish at least half before posting it so you can work on it and clean it at your liesure.

As for spelling, English is just a nasty language even for those who speak it. My spelling is really bad too, although just with more advanced words. Hey, I could proofread and retype your stuff. Be pretty quick to do. Just a suggestion.

Good luck!
 
Ok this is the first chapter, its rather short but i like to write short byt many chapters. I have also taken away the worst grammar mistake, enjoy (not the grammar mistake hopefully :rolleyes: )

Chapter one: old friends

It was night, the major was on his way to the local pup. It was dark in the street and you could see the star. In the city you cant see the stars because of the light from the fabric and the gate light, but here out on the country it was not enlighten streets, and that was one of the thing the major liked with the country. He looked up and the skies. The stars has always impressed human. While the major looked up on the skies he suddenly heard somebody whispered.
"psst, major come here" - a whispered voice
the major was surprised and without thinking he followed the voice in to small ally. There he met a man, the man was short almost a dwarf. it was too dark for the major to see the strangers face.
"Who are you?!" said the major
"do you not see who i am?" said the stranger
"no" said the major felling very uncomfortable
"don’t you remember TCS Nordic" -said the stranger
"oh yeah, many good memories from there, did you serve on it to?" - said the major unsure.
"no it were the place i found you and recruited you to the navy’s special duty (NSD)" -said the stranger
the major took a step backwards.
”I’m finished with the special duty, it’s a part of my past!” replied the major
“We do need a pilot to do some flying for us” said the stranger
“No! I’m finished with the NSD and all its illegalities! You can’t force me to fly for you and your sovereigns.” Said the major
"So you think that I can’t force you?" asked the stranger, he continued without waiting for reply:
"I while contact you again, and then I will show you what I’m good for"- said the stranger, he disappeared into the dark alley.
He Major stood alone in the ally thinking of the strange meeting he had. After a while when he had came to himself, he walked down to the local pup were he was greeted by his old friends from the TCS Nordic.
“Hey Lars, over here!” –said one of his friends. The major sat down were his friends was, he said nothing.
”Why so quiet, trouble with your wife?” –said one of his friends loud.
”No, no, I and my wife and children have it just fine.” –said the major.
”Doesn’t your wife also fly for the federation?” asked one of hid friend.
“Did, after we got the children she’s been working as teacher at the academy for the students at the academy.” – answered the Major, before he drank some beer.
“Hey Lars cant you tell us about the time you got the change to flew the Excalibur?“-said one of his friends.
“Not know. I think I have to go out to take some fresh air.” Said the major before he stood up and walked out. Petter, one of Lars nearest friends followed him. Lars was standing outside, breathing the cold air trough his lounges. Peter walked behind him.
“We two were the only persons in TCS Nordic that served in what you know.” Said Petter. Lars was a little surprised since he hadn’t noticed Petter.
“We were also the only person at TCS Nordic that were Norse’s.” answered Lars.
“Yes, we have knew each other long time before the academy...” said Peter. Lars nodded carefully to answer.
“Therefore I know when you’re in sort of trouble… You have been contacted by them haven’t you?” continued Petter.
“Yes, so you have been contacted too?” –asked Lars confused.
“Yes, they contacted me, but I told them to go to hell.” Said Petter.
“You know many of the mission we flew was…” said Lars before Petter interrupt him. He looks at his watch and said:
”I have to go… I contact you tomorrow.” before he disappeared without an explanation why he left. Lars stood left behind at the street confused. After a while he walked into the pup and said goodbye to his friends. He had some trouble to leave from the pup since his friends though it was all to early to leave and they wanted to know were Petter had gone, but he could not give any good excuses for any of the cases. He walked back home. He was very careful so he didn’t awake anybody. Then he sneaked into the bedroom and fall asleep next to his wife.
 
Still too few periods for my taste, at least in the first half. Also, that repetition of something being whispered (first dialogue) stings my eye. Maybe this is a matter of taste, but most books I've read end a part of dialogue with a comma, like so:
"Blablabla," said John Doe.
When exclamation- and questionmarks and such enter the picture, it's a different story, of course.
One more thing: PUB! :p
 
Somebody can traslate from Spanish to English a entry mod?
I'm needing a english traductor, if we have not one then I'll need a spelling corrector on my very bad english

Thanks
 
Maj.Striker said:
There's several translating web sites out there...that what you mean?

Web sitesd automathic traslations are very poor and its grammar traslation is not good. I need a somebody that can know spanish and write english good. Or at least to know my bad english and traslate to "good english" :)
 
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